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Original poster

Worst Mother's Day gift ever :(

360 replies

Molly1989 · 14/03/2021 08:09

So after being up every hour with DS last night including being peed on at 3am, and just having had my first shower in four days, DH presents me with my Mother's Day gift. A toilet roll holder. I want to cry. He said I didn't tell him what I wanted, but I did repeatedly, and even if I hadn't, a toilet roll holder? Meh. Anyone else care to join me in solidarity?

OP posts:
Eckhart · 14/03/2021 09:48

I like the toilet brush idea for Father's Day

You're going for the passive aggressive, 'ner ner ner ner ner' option?

Why are you choosing not to deal with this like an adult, ie 'This present is a disgrace, it's offensive, and you're generally a bit crap. We need to rethink this relationship so that both of us are getting what we need from it. Which day next week do you want to sit down and have a proper conversation about this?'

CovidKingfisher · 14/03/2021 09:48

I assume you wanted a toilet roll holder or have mentioned it at some time or else why would he buy such a random thing?

You just cooked breakfast for everyone? Err why?

Stop being a bloody martyr, woman.

Catpus · 14/03/2021 09:50

Vert thoughtless, more really being that fact he's buggered off for a shower and left you to make breakfast.

My other half is still in bed, our twins aged 10, made me egg on toast to perfection.. 👌while the other made a card. They hunted out a box of maltesers that they had been given for Xmas to give to me as a Mother's day gift .... Other half said I'm not his Mum? Again thoughtless 😔

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Events & celebrations
Phoenixdays · 14/03/2021 09:53

@Oversize

I think it's time to ha e a hard look at this OP. Exactly why did you cook breakfast?
I think this too. You set the status quo and expectations as much as he does. You have to have a proper discussion and set out your needs. You are just rolling over and taking it by cooking breakfast. I don’t understand why so many women aren’t assertive and put up with crap ( my mum also just liked to keep the peace) It just makes for a miserable life
DavidsSchitt · 14/03/2021 09:54

"He is a bit crap generally, hence lack of showers. He's just gone to have his shower after I cooked everyone breakfast. Anyway."

No. You having a shower doesn't depend on anyone else being "not crap". 4 days without one? Why didn't you just go and get a shower?

You've cooked breakfast, why? Don't teach your children that this is an acceptable way to live because it isn't.

frubr · 14/03/2021 09:54

My DH doesn't buy me anything for Mother's Day which is fine ( I am still in bed), I'd see a toilet roll holder as an insult. If your bathroom needs a new one just buy one don't present it to the mother of your DC.

vestastilly · 14/03/2021 09:54

Kids made me a home made card this morning. Husband has organised nothing. Teenage son offered to transfer some of his pocket money into my account so I could get myself something. Currently locked in the bathroom crying and pretending to have a shower. Mother’s Day gift and card for DH min has been on the kitchen window sill for a week. Nobody forgot me, they just could be bothered. Sad

criminallyinsane · 14/03/2021 09:55

That Christmas Day hoover photo - matching curtains and wallpaper! Amazing. I think you should make it a tradition... Act excited before Father's Day and say Baby's got him a really exciting present - then hand him the same loo roll holder he gave you. He'll know how you feel. With an extra loo roll if Baby's feeling extravagant but preferably not.

Phoenixdays · 14/03/2021 09:55

@DavidsSchitt

"He is a bit crap generally, hence lack of showers. He's just gone to have his shower after I cooked everyone breakfast. Anyway."

No. You having a shower doesn't depend on anyone else being "not crap". 4 days without one? Why didn't you just go and get a shower?

You've cooked breakfast, why? Don't teach your children that this is an acceptable way to live because it isn't.

Absolutely
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/03/2021 09:56

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Why do you care so little about yourself that allows you to be treated like this?. Is this now similar to what you saw when you were growing up?

NoSquirrels · 14/03/2021 09:56

Molly I’ve just realised I was on a thread about your useless partner.

You need to decide will you call him out - every time - over his shit attitude to parenting and adulting in a relationship, and endure all the moaning to get him to take better responsibility, or will you decide he’s not worth it?

Don’t put up with shit treatment just because you have a baby now.

wintertime6 · 14/03/2021 09:57

No gifts here, not even a bunch of supermarket flowers. DH said he'd make me lunch, maybe I'm being a bit ungrateful but I don't think a few sandwiches and a cup of tea really shows that you've made an effort. Feeling a bit underwhelmed and trying to stay off Facebook to avoid seeing pictures of all the mummies getting breakfast in bed, gorgeous bouquets of flowers and thoughtful gifts.

ArcheryAnnie · 14/03/2021 09:57

@burritofan

For Father’s Day, block the toilet for him.
I think this is the best bit of advice I have ever seen on mumsnet. Seriously.

(Block it and then go out to a cafe, alone, which should be open by June.)

ArcheryAnnie · 14/03/2021 09:59

...but yes, agree with all the posters who have said the toilet roll holder isn't the issue, your useless DP is, and that's what needs addressing.

BlueSussex · 14/03/2021 10:00

I got a toilet seat for my birthday one year. From EX DH.......

Agree with PP. Toilet brush for Fathers Day.

Silverandgoldsparkles · 14/03/2021 10:00

You need to put baby in a safe place - empty cot with blanket over him for example and go for a shower, even if he screams the house down. Leave your bathroom door open so that you can hear him. No point expecting your DH to hold him for you as he sounds like a twat.

itsgettingwierd · 14/03/2021 10:02

Oh captain don't be judgemental. I don't don't want a medal. My partner use to buy me the most loveliest gifts of flowers etc. I thought it was generous. Until I discovered it was always after he cheated.

So for me personally - material things don't matter. I'd prefer a partner who respected me everyday day.

But I didn't get that. I got to raise a disabled child alone for the past 15 years. And I still don't need gifts. I get what I need in what matters to me - love and respect.

Why do people roll their eyes at people who don't care about a gift?

Twistiesandshout · 14/03/2021 10:03

Fucking hell, he definitely gets toilet paper (a single roll) for fathers day. That is shit OP.

Shadeelane · 14/03/2021 10:04

I have mixed feelings about Mother's Day. I think it's similar to Valentine's Day in that being instructed to show appreciation for someone on a given day is a bit meaningless. If your partner and kids treat like you like shit all year round what difference does one day make?

If your partner and kids respect and appreciate you though, why wouldn't they want to make a fuss and do something nice? The amount of threads on here day after day of men not respecting their partners and women putting up with it or laughing it off is utterly depressing. If we want society to improve with regards to how women are treated then we need to expect and demand better for ourselves. It's just not good enough.

CallmeHendricks · 14/03/2021 10:05

"He is a bit crap generally, hence lack of showers. He's just gone to have his shower after I cooked everyone breakfast. Anyway."

Look, I agree he's been a bit shit. BUT, what were you thinking of, getting on with cooking everyone's breakfast and then saying. "OK dear," when he announced he was off for a show (presumably whilst you cleared up?)
I think you need to put yourself forward a bit more, by the sounds of things. If you're not pointing out you think he's doing wrong and how you feel, then how is he ever going to change? It doesn't have to be done nastily.

CiderJolly · 14/03/2021 10:06

He is a dick, you know he is a dick.
Why did you cook him breakfast?
You don’t have to live like this.

WhiskyWhiskersdottir · 14/03/2021 10:07

Scented candle and face masks for him on Fathers Day.

Benjispruce2 · 14/03/2021 10:07

It’s a joke, surely?

BottleFlipper · 14/03/2021 10:08

@itsgettingwierd

Oh captain don't be judgemental. I don't don't want a medal. My partner use to buy me the most loveliest gifts of flowers etc. I thought it was generous. Until I discovered it was always after he cheated.

So for me personally - material things don't matter. I'd prefer a partner who respected me everyday day.

But I didn't get that. I got to raise a disabled child alone for the past 15 years. And I still don't need gifts. I get what I need in what matters to me - love and respect.

Why do people roll their eyes at people who don't care about a gift?

Because it always seems such a pointless and unhelpful statement on threads like this where the OP clearly does want a gift. Were it a thread asking about gift vs no gift opinions then it would be of use.
Foghead · 14/03/2021 10:10

@vestastilly I’m sorry you’re feeling so upset. Can you tell your family that as it’s Mother’s Day, they can take care of you for a bit today? Maybe they can sort out cups of tea, lunch or dinner? Bake a cake?
My dd did a quick card in pencil (at dh’s rusher reminder probably). I oohed and aahed then said ‘do you know what would make it extra special? Coloured in a bit and a little message inside for me’
I’m hoping this raises the standard for next year Hmm
Dh has bought something on dcs behalf but as they’re still in bed, I’ll wait til midday to get it. I’m expecting them to make me tea and help dh to make dinner to just acknowledge the day.