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Original poster

Mother’s Day- do your teens bother?

142 replies

Howmanysleepsnow · 13/03/2021 18:43

DH is furious at DD13 and DS15. They just got home from 2 nights at their DF’s and he asked what they’d got me (he’d reminded both previously).
DD ordered something online yesterday... to be delivered to her DF’s tomorrow so it won’t be here.
DS didn’t get me anything. This is the 3rd year running and every year DH is cross about it. The tension makes for an unpleasant day.
I kind of think DH expects me to tell them off, but I don’t want a card/ present out of a sense of duty/ guilt. If they wanted to treat me/ let me know they appreciate me that’s different but I’m not going to insist. So now DH is angry at them, they’ve gone to their rooms and tomorrow is going to be uncomfortable. Again. Why does Mother’s Day have to be about conflict/ guilt in this house?
Sorry for the self indulgent rant.
Does anyone else have similar?

OP posts:
Notallowedtogo · 13/03/2021 20:19

The problem now is that it’s turned into a battle between your DC and your DH. If they now get you a card/present then they’ll be resentful of him because they’ll feel like they are giving him the message that he has won.

Karwomannghia · 13/03/2021 20:20

I basically bought myself a new jacket when dh asked what I wanted (we also have a 4yo). He’ll do a lot of the leg work like breakfast in bed but we do that every week anyway. Dd14 was doing something mysterious today with dd4 which I couldn’t see but I thought that was very sweet of her to do that. She also went to the shop. Ds16 received a parcel the other day and I said aw is that for Mother’s Day as a joke and he looked baffled. Not sure if I’ll get anything from him!

PrintempsAhoy · 13/03/2021 20:27

@smellyolddog next week? Thought it was tomorrow

But I always get it wrong Grin is it next week then???!!!

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NovemberR · 13/03/2021 20:28

DS15 will have done. He's a very difficult character a lot of the time and we've had massive rows over lack of schoolwork, too much XBox and his rudeness/tone of voice in lockdown.

However, it was my birthday recently and he ordered me something really thoughtful and handmade and wrapped it for my birthday, which took me by surprise. I knew he'd get me something - but suspected it would be supermarket chocolates that his Dad had handed him a fiver for. Instead he'd sorted it all out himself.

Earlier today I remarked it's Mothers Day tomorrow and he said, I know, which has led me to feel hopeful.

He has never not marked either Mothers' Day, birthday or Christmas - but that's because he's got older siblings/dad who have usually helped him with it. I did wonder if he'd bother as he got older, but so far he's doing ok!

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 13/03/2021 20:41

I think it's really sad- your turning this out on your DH but actually it's poor behaviour of the kids.

He can't really win! I think it's nice he cares about you and wants them to show you how much they care.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/03/2021 20:41

I haven't got my mum anything. Is it really tomorrow? Urk.

smellyolddog · 13/03/2021 20:42

@PrintempsAhoy nooo I told them last week, it's this Sunday... I gave them a weeks notice 🤣

Original poster
Howmanysleepsnow · 13/03/2021 21:37

@Airyfairymarybeary

Reading your reply’s is seems like you need a break and your family to help around the house more in general. Stop being a doormat and share the load equally with your dh!
Hahahahaha.... I wish!
OP posts:
en0la · 13/03/2021 22:59

@user1493494961

I think it's a bit poor if they don't bother.
I've been told they haven't done anything because they don't go in any shops. I know that's true so I don't mind really.
RedPandaFluff · 14/03/2021 13:27

I don't have a teenager yet - DD is a toddler - but I think I'd be really sad if I didn't at least get a card. It takes minimal effort to either grab a card from a shop or Amazon or whatever. I'd expect a bit of prompting from DH so they'd know it was coming up, maybe.

Iwishihadariver · 14/03/2021 13:36

Surely children of any age should be able to opt in or out of presents or cards as they want? Some like to express their love through gifts, some in other ways. A hug, tele call or just a wonky made cup of tea is enough.
My 37 year old son gave me flowers & a card that was purchased & written by his gf. I'd rather have a smile and a hug (if in line with covid regs !!) than a card which calls me dearest loving mother (dlm makes vomit sounds)

RubyFakeLips · 14/03/2021 14:13

Think it’s pretty awful and selfish for teen DC not to do anything. Doesn’t have to be lavish gifts, can be breakfast and some cleaning. They should know you enough to have some idea of what you’d like. A card, doesn’t cost much and most teens now have if not the artistic inclination but the tech ability to cobble something together.

I always made a fuss of my mum and gran and mine make a fuss of me, maybe this is where the knowing to do it comes in. DH is right in my opinion, I’d find it pretty galling seeing as you do so much for them they can’t muster even a card or a cake.

My youngest at 10 was almost offended when I reminded about Fathers Day last year so doubt my DH has to do much prompting. If they have smart phones they can get a calendar alert about this a week before.

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/03/2021 14:16

Nope. Not a thing received from my teens

Although My 11 year old gave me a card he’d made at school

StillGoingToWork · 14/03/2021 14:18

DD (14) gave me a card. She didn't like the message inside so made her own and stuck it over the top. I was delighted Grin

SoupDragon · 14/03/2021 14:23

Mine do. This year it was thanks to Amazon and a trip to the supermarket on the way home from school. I'm not sure "not been out" is much of an excuse nowadays. I'd be just as happy with a homemade card though (and have been in the past!). I think "forgetting" it completely is not on.

Popcornbetty · 14/03/2021 14:27

'I know our adult daughter has wasted money on stuff I don’t want or need. I’d much, much rather it was spent on our grandchild or themselves.'

That's so lovely, my dm would never say that and would be a bit miffed with no gift. The worst thing is she hasn't actively parented for years let a lone been a great mother or grandparent either! Having my own dc i will feel the same as you do when they are much older!

toffeebutterpopcorn · 14/03/2021 14:32

DS (16) bought me a nice gift - actually it’s something I hate and I have mentioned it as it’s similar to something I bought for DH recently (and I did mention that although I really hated these things, DH was a big fan) but I made a big fuss about how much I loved it!

No card as yet - I know he has one (I have a huge box of cards and threw a selection at DH for his mum (and he said he’d give one to DS). But then I’m still waiting for my birthday card (beginning of this year!). Bless ‘im, he tries...

merryhouse · 14/03/2021 14:35

I got a bunch of flowers and a Tasting Collection of Green & Black's chocolates.

I'm assuming S2 (almost 18) got them on his way home from school, unless S1(21) went the other way on one of his walks.

They've organised presents themselves since S1 was at secondary school. Before then H always made sure something happened (except for the year S2 was born the previous day, when MiL spent the time helping to make a card and choose a plant in a pot).

And it's been paid for with their pocket money ever since they started to get pocket money (that is, after all, what it's for).

TeeBee · 14/03/2021 14:37

My ex-DH has chivvied my two DSs (18 and 15), in previous years, which is kind. But I told him not to worry a couple of years ago (as I prefer them remember themselves). They've been lovely to me today. My little one rushed down and made me a cup of tea and has spent the day watching tv with me. My eldest bought me a lovely card and very thoughtful gift. I'm glad their dad has helped them foster good habits.

AhNowTed · 14/03/2021 14:38

It sounds like your DH is using this as an excuse to cause a problem between you and your children.

If he was genuinely concerned he would have quietly suggested a trip to the shops.

curlyqueeny · 14/03/2021 14:39

My day was going well - I got a lie-in and cooked breakfast courtesy of DH. My 9 year old chose flowers and chocolates from him and the other two DSs. He made a card with a drawing on the front, and made me a cup of tea.
But then as we were rounding everyone up to go for a forest walk, I heard him moaning at DH: "this is the third day we have to make the effort. First Christmas, then her birthday, and now Mother's Day! What's the point?"
I have to say it hit a nerve and I sat in the downstairs loo and cried. He was speaking about me so savagely. I wish he hadn't bothered at all after hearing how he really feels. I decided not to go on the walk and DH has taken them out.
The effort from my eldest son (11) was to write 'happy mother's day' on a piece of card and he only gave it to me when DH prompted him. At least he couldn't care less and owns it I suppose.
Sitting on my bed wondering where I went wrong!

Gice · 14/03/2021 14:39

I got cards, dp bought them for all the dc this year after similar tension to the OP in previous years. What I really wanted was for someone other than me to empty the dishwasher and someone other than me to empty all the bins and for someone other than me to prep the veg for the roast and for someone other than me to clean up after meals. I’m now feeling mean because my 5 year old just asked me to play and I’ve said not right now because I have just sat down for the first time today. Mum guilt.

Midlifephoenix · 14/03/2021 14:48

Two teens, 15 and 17. Asked three times yesterday what I wanted for breakfast. Today I waited and waited, heard the eldest banging around in the kitchen, the younger hovering outside my room (I thought on guard to stop me going down). She wanders off and... nothing. By 11 I'm starving so start hinting at my daughter... tell her I'm hungry...then just give up and say OK guess I'll go make my own breakfast then. Suddenly my son calls up asking if I want pancakes for breakfast! Apparently my daughter thought I had already had breakfast and didn't think to ask her brother, who earlier was making his own pancakes, if he had made mine.
Kinda disappointed to be honest. I don't expect or want them to buy me anything but as we had talked about it just yesterday thought they had a plan. Guess not. (No dad in the picture he died years ago.)

Floralnomad · 14/03/2021 14:56

@curlyqueeny that is absolutely awful behaviour from a 9 yr old , I actually think that’s the worst thing I’ve read about Mother’s Day on here today . What did your husband say in response to him ?

dementedma · 14/03/2021 15:02

Yes mine do. Have had flowers and gin and the two who are home have taken over the kitchen and are cooking something.

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