The person who raped me has ended up what looks to be happily married to a highly successful, kind, beautiful doctor

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

This makes me feel like shit.

They’ve been together a long time. Lovely children by looks of it. Very nice lifestyle.

It stings.

It’s taken me a long time to heal, cobble together a life, and harness a career.

Not sure why I’m typing, just a bit sad.

Rape is a bloody awful thing and I wish I could let the next generations know that the risk isn’t just strangers down dark alleys, but smart, good looking, educated men.

Same. Now a successful professional married to a primary school teacher. Makes me feel sick. I battle the symptoms of PTSD every day.

I hope you're in a better place now, and have healed. Know that, regardless of anything else, you are worth 100 times more than that piece of shit.

It's utterly shit. There's no denying or defending it. The vast majority of rapists just go on with their lives, enjoying success, with everyone thinking they're great guy. Statistically everyone knows at least one rapist socially because so few are ever reported or convicted.

It happens all the time; this is why believing in 'karma' or comeuppance is so dangerous and harmful. Best to focus only on yourself and healing.

I'm sorry.

I have nothing I can say to make it less shit, but I just wanted you to at least know you'd been heard.

I think I do too.

I’m professional, in a sense too.

Still can picture the degradation to my soul. In a way, I envy that she ended up bring lover and cherished, with a what looks to be quality lifestyle, while I was just worth the assaulting. Did he know something I didn’t?

I can’t work out if he’s bad. I don’t think he is, he’s very successful too. I think he just did a bad thing: or several, all to me. This hurts. To my core, but it’s so long ago. No one to care now; but me.

I wish I could tell younger women what to look out for.

And it’s not always what they think.

My chap was a dreamy catch,

Until he wasn’t.

In order to rape someone you have to believe they have no right to autonomy, that your wishes trump their needs, to get a kick out of exercising physical power over someone. He's a bad person alright.

How he treated you is everything about him and nothing about you.
Lots of nasty people do quite well for themselves. They’re still who they are though.
It sounds like you’re doing well. You are who you are too. The externals don’t matter. You have more to be proud of and happy about. For a start being a decent person...

Ps. I speak on here because I can; always someone who understands- for which I’m grateful, thank you x

This won't be any consolation at all, but rape is often a pattern of behaviour. He won't have targeted only you, there will have been others.

He is the common denominator in the acts he perpetrated - not you.

The man who raped me is now a successful consultant. He was also my best friend's date for school leaving dance.

It’s ironic that his wife is so beautiful, clever and engaging.

Why does that sting?

I’m not sure.

Maybe because he threw me away once he’d had his fill of me?

I’ve a lovely husband now, a true darling and sweet, kind, loving kids. They make it better but they don’t completely take away the underlying raw, acrid pain. Oh how I wish they did.

I’m so really sorry for others in this thread in my boat. I’d give anything I had to change your story, mine too. I believe you.

He didn't know something you didn't, you are not worthless. It is really shit that he seems to have such a good life. Please don't think this has anything to do with you as a person. You are worth a million of him.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Stop tracking him and what is happening in his life, you need to focus on your own and not give him anymore head space.

Don't envy him and his wife's apparent happiness. No-one can ever see from outside a marriage what is happening within it. There's a very high chance they are nowhere near as happy as you may think. She is, at the end of the day, married to a rapist and an awful man. Those chickens will come home to roost one day. Pity her and move on with your life.

You have said yourself your husband is lovely so you are definitely the winner here.

In one sense, I marvel how people who do such really damaging things can be, like the kind, lovely, smart guy next door.

I bet that’s what he is now: I saw he volunteers at his kids school to teach STEM. I bet he’s a good dad too: I can’t quite get my head round it.

As stupid as that sounds.

I think I’m perplexed in sort as to how people who do really harmful things can race on to worldly success.

I guess my conscience is strong.

I know I sound terribly naive. In one sense it’s the people who look wholesome, but can do great harm, who perplex me most.

No one to care now; but me.

Well, I don’t know you but I care. ❤️ I care that this happened to you and that you feel sad. Lots of others will care too.

And his life is a lie. There will be times where things happen in their lives, on the news, on tv programmes to do with violence, rape and abuse....and he knows what he did to you....but has to pretend he’s a man who is disgusted at other men who do this. His whole life is a lie. You say she is loved and cherished..... but she doesn’t really know him. The lot kids have a father who is a rapist. They have absolutely nothing to envy.

You have built a life, your life isn’t based on a lie. You’re not violent or abusive. You are worth so much more than him. People care. ❤️

*Their kids

Wiping away some tears. Thank you for caring about this middle aged stranger with a sore, wee heart.

I think some people deny to themselves that they have done anything wrong. That’s what makes it so confusing. I’m not sure if I’m legitimately a victim because I was emotionally unstable and drank alcohol. I’m sorry for all of you who have been ill treated. I’m not able to process my past.

You’re seeing the picture they present to the world. You have no idea how he acts within his seemingly happy relationship or whether his wife is secretly longing to get rid of him.

I'm in a very similar position - abusive and nasty ex jet sets around the world with a very high end sales role, meets celebrities and goes to events like the Monaco Grand Prix. He ruined my life, and it took years of being with DH to piece myself back together.

I blocked my ex on all social media, and their family/close friends - so I couldn't look or see them accidentally. Not everyone has their comeuppance unfortunately, but the fact you're surviving means he didn't take everything from you.