I am so sorry that happened to you. I know it is difficult. I thought similar for a while.
Really echo other posters when they say you don’t know what his life is like in private.
DH for offered a promotion in a new city, we thought about it for a bit then said yes. We went on a flat hunting trip and who was the first person I saw? My rapist. Sitting at a table in a window in cafe having a business meeting right across the road from shiny new offices with his name plastered all over them.
On the day after it hit the point we had no way to back out with DH’s employer. In a totally different city, not the one I was raped in not the one the rapist had moved to last I’d heard.
The rapist’s business involves high profile advertising all round the City. The three years we spent there felt like a nightmare.
For a while I was scared to leave the house in case I ran into him because the advertising was everywhere. Then I got over that, left the house and ran into him.
And to get past that I ended up booking appointments at a hairdressers across the road from his office and doing a kind of exposure therapy by watching his office in the mirror.
One time I saw him come out with his lovely wife and their two lovely kids.
His business took off and grew. We moved away as soon as we could.
Then recently for some reason I googled him. And a YouTube video of him being interviewed by someone who does a YouTube series on their industry popped up.
I watched it. And basically he revealed how he’s been pushed out of his business by some financial backers who had come on board.
He glossed over his time at least two employers I knew about, suggesting he’s been let go or compromised out and was unable to all about it.
He also spoke about being refused life insurance repeatedly whilst he was running his own business and how scary that was for him when he had two young children.
It was also pretty obvious his wife was only really with him for the financial aspects. And that the interviewer didn’t respect him.
It was also obvious he hated his life. The business he set up a new was pushed out of was in an area of his field he always spoke about as being beneath him when I knew him as as “friend”.
Anyway, people who are rapists have self-loathing and fear at their core. They inflict that on other people in an attempt to escape from feeling that momentarily. They never manage.