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Original poster

Just got my maintenance award for the year WHOOP WHOOP

160 replies

ThatWomanInTheDress · 11/03/2021 15:01

£3.36 a week

No doubt like all of you I’ve daydreamed about what I would do if I hit the jackpot. But this type of money is mind blowing.

Can’t decide what I’m going to buy DD first. So excited!!

Just got my maintenance award for the year WHOOP WHOOP
OP posts:
Original poster
ThatWomanInTheDress · 13/03/2021 13:46

Erm to the PP who stated most RPs are also supported by benefits.

I work full time as a senior manager. But even if I was on benefits (which I was for a few years) it doesn’t negate the need for NRP to support their children.

OP posts:
WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 13/03/2021 13:47

@Easterbunnygettingready

My exh had a second job.. They truly requested I take photos of him at his place of work and send them to them. He worked in a working men's club... He paid a pittance for 3 x dc.
I had similar. My ex moved in with his now wife and her DC so a reduction was made in the amount of CM he had to pay ( another joke imo.) Then I found out he wasn't living there, he'd moved out again because she didn't like her benefits being reduced by his income. CMS said it was up to me to prove it, and the screenshot of a message he'd sent me by mistake mentioning being at the flat didn't count because it could be fake. Hmm
Matilda1981 · 13/03/2021 13:50

My ex pays himself through his own limited company, was supposed to pay £50 a week for two girls, dropped his wages to zero (assuming he paid his current partner instead of himself) so he doesn’t pay me anything! CMS is an absolute joke!

NailsNeedDoing · 13/03/2021 14:15

@crackofdoom

And MN wouldn’t like that because apparently is enough for some parents just to look after their own children without taking any of the financial responsibility. They still get to be seen as good parents.

Well yes, usually having 100% of the responsibility for childcare does tend to affect your employment potential. But feel free to keep shaming people who, for example, might be trying to hold a messy and dangerous self employed job together when the schools have been closed, their regular childminder has stopped because over 60 and worried about Covid, there is no other childcare available, and their dad has refused to have them for one minute more than he usually does, despite there being a national crisis.

I think the thing that hurts most is being forced into a position where I have to rely on benefits- and then being looked down on for being in that position by the hard of thinking Hmm.

I’m not shaming or being hurtful to anyone, I’m a single parent too and has to work around school hours, so I know first had how hard it is and how frustrating it is when the other parents doesn’t step up to their share of either the caring or financial responsibility.

The point I’m trying to make (albeit not very well) is that if society starts putting more pressure on NRPs to pay for their children, then that will have to apply to RPs too, considering that childcare exists and isn’t too expensive for school age children. And that won’t do the perception of parents on benefits any favours. All parents need to be responsible for both the finances and the caring that it takes to bring up children. If it’s ok for a resident parent to rely on benefits to pay for their children, then it has to be ok for RPs to do the same.

BashfulClam · 13/03/2021 14:18

The flip side is some men want to do the best they can. When my brothers ex decided she wanted to split he moved back to my mum and dads, he was made redundant and job searching and took on all the debt they had accrued. Had to get an iva while she walked away. He sent her his full benefits every fortnight before he started the debt management plan. She phoned whinging about the amount, he was desperate for a job and trying so she then said ‘I’d get more if I went to CMS!’ Erm no love she got awards £9 a week.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 13/03/2021 14:39

Yep - same here, well - I'm even luckier than you and get £5 a week - aren't we blessed eh?

Pebbledashery · 13/03/2021 14:47

I get the princely sum of... £0
I don't know what's worse 😂😂

CleanQueen123 · 13/03/2021 15:01

Gosh I feel like a millionaire with my £6.31 a week! It gets paid straight into DD's savings account.

It's of no use to me right now. It doesn't even make a dent in what it actually costs to raise a child so it may as well be saved and turn into a more useful amount over time.

Pebbledashery · 13/03/2021 15:09

@CleanQueen123 only 60 years to go lol

Sstrongtn · 13/03/2021 15:14

And this is exactly why, when people say “take him to the CSA” I would rather save myself the hassle and everyone can know he pays Jack voluntarily.

CleanQueen123 · 13/03/2021 15:21

@Pebbledashery I know! It might pay for a few driving lessons by the time she's 18!

@Sstrongtn I know what you mean. My feeling on it is that he contributes absolutely nothing else to her life. He's totally absent because he's a nasty abusive piece of work that can't be trusted. But I'll be damned if he's getting away totally scot free. £6.31 is pathetic but eventually it will add up to an amount that DD can put to good use.

I don't want his money. I have no use for it. But DD might want some money for something one day and when she does it will be waiting for her.

JustLyra · 13/03/2021 15:22

considering that childcare exists and isn’t too expensive for school age children.

That completely depends on what someone earns surely? What “isn’t too expensive” to you may be absolutely too expensive for someone else.

Not to mention what childcare is available in one place isn’t universal.

Turefu · 13/03/2021 15:28

I’m from country where non-paying parent can have their driving license taken away from them or sometimes grandparents have to pay maintenance instead. It motivates quite a few.

MajorMujer · 13/03/2021 15:35

A friend once received a posted payment of 10p, back in the 1990's.
Her knobhead ex would change jobs every time the then CSA found him.
It's a disgrace

WhoAreYah · 13/03/2021 15:40

It’s disgusting. My dad didn’t pay any money for my upbringing because apparently the CSA wanted too much.

My brother and sister had holidays to Disney, he had his own business, some very nice cars, you get the idea. He can’t seem to explain himself so instead refuses to get into talks with me about it. I’ll never forgive him.

CleanQueen123 · 13/03/2021 15:48

@WhoAreYah my father is similar.

I think he paid about £20 towards me for my entire childhood. He owed thousands in maintenance arrears. They eventually caught up with him and threatened him with prison if he didn't cough up.

I'm not sure what happened after that because he neither paid nor went to prison.

When I was about 22 my mum was sent a letter to say they were closing the case as I was now an adult. So they'd spent two decades chasing him for it to come to nothing.

He has no explanation either. Something along the lines of never having money to spare, and whilst he wanted to contribute to my upbringing, he had reservations about where the money would be spent Hmm

I don't bother to discuss it anymore. There's no point. I had a more than adequate upbringing without his financial contribution.

WhoAreYah · 13/03/2021 16:43

@CleanQueen123 yeah we were told they’d take his passport and all that jazz but it never happened. I think he paid a small amount when I was 19 and that was that.

I don’t talk to him any more. His wife is a witch and he is too arrogant. My mum always told me I was too good for him, maybe she’s right.

Pebbledashery · 13/03/2021 16:47

These posted cheques of 5p and 10p are killing me. 😂

TSBelliot · 13/03/2021 16:49

Less than three grand for the whole 18years - twat.

CleanQueen123 · 13/03/2021 16:58

It is ridiculous. I think my mum had about £20 when I was 18 months old and not a penny since.

I try to avoid talking about money at all now because his stock response is "I wish I could afford to help but..." despite the fact that I've never asked him for money and never will.

So maybe I should be grateful my child gets £6.31 a week because it's more than I got Hmm

Pebbledashery · 13/03/2021 17:03

@CleanQueen123 how very ungrateful of you. Do you know what £6.31 can buy you these days! 😂

Theunamedcat · 13/03/2021 17:07

@JustLyra

considering that childcare exists and isn’t too expensive for school age children.

That completely depends on what someone earns surely? What “isn’t too expensive” to you may be absolutely too expensive for someone else.

Not to mention what childcare is available in one place isn’t universal.

Just to back this up a little my childcare cost more than my rent i earned around a thousand a month working full time childcare was around £400 rent was around £400 and I got called a parasite by my ex for claiming tax credits because I can clearly last on £100 running a car food council tax...
CleanQueen123 · 13/03/2021 18:53

@Pebbledashery it did occur to me as I was cooking dinner that I spent more on the chicken we were having than I get sent in maintenance each week.

But I suppose that's me leading an extravagant lifestyle. We should be eating dry bread and drinking water. Why should he pay for me to eat chicken? Grin

MNWorldisCrazy · 15/03/2021 01:10

Been here with the exact same amount!!!!!!

Told everyone he paid a grand a month

Changed jobs every time CMS caught up with him and then that became too much effort so he went on benefits. Cue the £3 a week award!

BigPaperBag · 15/03/2021 14:53

It’s crazy that the government will hunt you down and take your last penny, ensuring you can’t eat if you owe them money for tax credits or universal credits. However, when it’s their turn to fight for their citizens and get money for child maintenance they can’t give a shiny shit 🤷‍♀️ I’m owed thousands but the CMS don’t care. Not paying child maintenance should be as shameful as drink driving or as child abuse (because it is) Instead, people are just getting away with it. Not cool.