Not really sure why I am writing this, but predatory men

[CormoranStrike]

Not all men of course, but here’s my history - and these are just the ones I remember.

Aged 12 - a man masturbated in front of me as I walked home with friends along a quiet country lane

Aged 15 - doing my paper round in the rain and a man offered me a lift. He did not give off good vibes at all and my spider senses kicked in.

Aged 19 - heavy breathing, sexually explicit phone calls at work.

Aged 30 - colleague kissed me on the back of my neck in the office to say well done about a work thing. I was too stunned to move.

Aged 48 - colleague asks me to go for drinks to discuss a work problem. Then proceeds to blatantly ask for an affair.

I am a very ordinary looking woman. I was a very shy child. I give no indication whatsoever of wanting these approaches.

And yet again my heart sinks hearing of the tragic loss of another young woman who - like us all - deserved better, and has fallen victim to someone (the case is active and I am deliberately not naming names).

Why do some men think we are fair game? What can we do to help change this?

The usual not all men are like that
Ime a very common 'knee jerk' response especially from men, it's a defensive response though isn't it, why are men so defensive?
Why is it that when you mention a terrible thing done by a man so many men experience this as you saying that all men are bad?

shutting us down with 'not all men are like that' is a way of making sure that women don't speak out and realise just how many men ARE like that
It allows predators to maintain and use their facades because it means that people like this stay off the radar:
To meet him he is the perfect gent so no doubt he will be believed and will get off
We feel unable to speak out about people who are not what they seem which increases their ability to carry on unchecked

Agree the “not all men are like that” speak prevents us from raising this as an issue.
As I’ve said before here somewhere, no women stalks a man, kidnaps, abuses, kills and buries them in their garden or whatever they end up doing. Even if you come up with one or two nutty women attacking men the worldwide statistics of men killing women just like we have heard about with S. it’s very much a problem that needs addressing. Quit toning it down to ‘not all men’. End of. It’s not okay that women have to live in defence mode in case some random man just wants his brief way with someone. Not ok.

@thecatfromjapan

I'm angry again tonight.

I think about the 'Gratitude Tax' for taxi drivers: when women give an extra tip just because we're so grateful they haven't assaulted us.

Of the thousand small ways we alter our lives in pursuit of 'safety'.

Of the aching fear we have for our daughters, hoping they'll inherit our 'luck' and make it through to our age alive.

Of the constant stress of living in a country where two women a week are murdered but being required to live 'as if' that isn't true.

Living with that fact for years and years and years - yet our social, legal and political system pretends this isn't true.

We know fatal male violence rarely arises out of nowhere.

More often than not, there will be a pattern of escalation, a pattern of overt misogyny, and very often domestic violence.

But domestic violence is still under-reported snd under-prosecuted.

It is not easy for women - especially women with children - to leave violent men.

Society has chosen not to make it easy.

Society has chosen to virtually ignore male violence against intimate others.

We are so, so far from a system that identifies DV as an early sign of even more violent behaviour and takes it utterly seriously : both fit what it is and for what it might also signify.

But a society that was serious about male violence - that truly recognised it for the absolute nightmare it is - would be looking at DV.

And would name the bloody problem.

And male violence, of course, doesn't just lead to appalling outcomes for women.

I'm sick of pretending not to see a problem that results in two women's deaths a week and affects the way I live my life.

Just sick of it.

And male violence, of course, doesn't just lead to appalling outcomes for women

And the fact that, even on this thread, you felt the need to mention it also affects men because we know what happens when you don't.