Arseholes Who've Ruined Groups And Hobbies

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

Moved house last year, then COVID happened.

I am CEV and so have done loads of shielding and joining a hobby group I was looking forward to post move hasn't happened but I am on their mailing list. For this specific thing they are my only option locally.

Get emails from the mailing list regularly and having had my interest piqued googled the social media presence of the named sender.

They are clearly an arsehole, a massive, tedious, arsehole with very "set views" which I imagine would need to be agreed with by any incomers, which is not going to happen. (They are a group organiser)

So potentially that's this group out the window...

Which made me think, MNers, were you / have you ever left a group style hobby you really enjoyed because of That One Arsehole and

What did they do? How bad was it?

I used to go to yoga with my friend. It’s not really my thing, but she loves it and it was an excuse to have a catch up after the class. The yoga teacher used to make us stand in a circle at the start of the class and say one thing that we were thankful for that day. Every time, without fail, she’d make me repeat my ‘thing’ 3 or 4 times claiming she didn’t hear me. No matter how loudly or clearly I spoke. She didn’t do it to anyone else, just me. Pissed me right off.
Then she went on a Native American retreat and on her return made us do hollering and foot stamping which just seemed like total cultural appropriation to me so I stopped going.

@boatyardblues yes it was!

A few years ago I changed from working long hours to part time hours and decided to join in some of the local activities. Rather naively I joined my DC's school PTA, assuming it would be a way to get to know a few other parents and raise funds/help with school activities. The group was dominated by 2 mums who seemed to think the PTA was some sort of unofficial school leadership/inspection committee. They asked parents to spy 'feedback' to them on what they thought about their child's teacher etc and found excuses to hold daytime meetings in the school staff room as it was right next to the head's office so they could overhear discussions (I would not have believed this if I had not been shushed in one of these meetings so they could listen in). At one point they asked PTA members to sign a letter they had written to the head- with a long list of actions that MUST be taken in school. After I left they also decided that part of the school uniform should be changed and went as far as arranging a supplier/taking orders etc. When the Head disagreed they tried to persuade parents to buy it anyway to override the decision. I still see some of the Facebook posts from them on the PTA page and this week they have each posted congratulating/thanking the other for their hard work keeping the school running over lockdown and getting the back in to school safely!!!

On the first day of term about 10 mins before the end of our class the door flew open and a man (possibly named Roy) strode in. He looked at everyone sitting around crocheting and said "Is this not the ancestry class?", the teacher said that the ancestry class would be after our crochet class. Roy said "OK, I'll just set myself up here and wait" and went to clear the front desk which was covered in books and patterns for our class to reference. Fortunately the crochet teacher worked as cabin crew until she retired and clearly had plenty of experience of dealing with arseholes in a firm but not antagonistic way, the man was hustled back out the door before he knew what was happening. The following week he was standing outside the door waiting for us to leave, but unfortunately for him he was in our way and got repeatedly bumped with our project bags. grin I didn't see him again after that.

Well done to that crochet teacher!
The neck of that, Roy definitely needed to be kicked out!

I thought of another, a creative writing class years ago. The tutor wasn't great, tbh, and would insist every so often on reading his own work to us. Yawn.

Ooh I have another but a sewing course in a college. Was free at the time and meant to last a year.
And to add I was beyond broke. Every little thing had to be planned moneywise.

So i start the course with 20 or so others. We all choose a pretty cushion to make, ok by me, it's not yards of material and wont cost too much.
So I goes to the market , get what I think will go together material wise.
Spent about 4 pounds as I walked to the market and back. Happy I'll have a pretty cushion soon.
6 weeks in the tutor decides to look at our progress. I'm doing ok with it, but she just shits all over the material I bought. The type (too stretchy) the colours wont go together blah blah.
She says i can start again, but i just left. She didnt realise and i wasnt about to tell her i couldn't bloody afford more material.
Seriously some people should think at least twice before they open their mouth and shit all over someone trying.

I started going to an additional yoga class with a friend and the yoga itself was pretty good and challenging and the group of people attending were nice. But the teacher seemed to distrust/dislike me from the start, accusing me of not paying when I had (on two separate occasions). She was just very flaky, cancelling classes at short notice (my other teacher never has) - one time I didn't know and turned up because my friend didn't go and in spite of my asking twice she hadn't added me to the group Whatsapp (where she let people know at short notice if the class was cancelled). Added to that she would make little jibes at me in class, disguised as humour, things like "Oh you were a little ahead there, Gracie (when I was enjoying myself and lost myself in the flow), but you are always a little ahead of the rest of us, aren't you?"

When the first lockdown came I just decided I didn't need her shit any more and found some other online classes instead of hers, and my first teacher went online in the end. It was like being taught yoga by a bitchy girl from school, it's a shame as she can teach it, she just decided to be not very nice to me.

A girl in my book club, a self-absorbed tit. Doesn't ever read the book though offers plenty of opinions on it. Cries frequently. Massively annoying but the other members are fabulous and too damn nice to ask her to leave. A few have drifted away because they just can't stand her.

Not an arsehole, but someone I co-organise a debate/discussion group with is starting to drain the fun out of it through constant fussing. It’s a retired bloke who I think bases his social life around our group so I’d feel mean challenging him.

He doesn’t seem to be able to stop tinkering. How/where we meet, how often we meet, how we choose what to discuss, whether we should have a special theme, whether we should change the name of the group. All endlessly brought up and rehashed, despite nobody else asking for these changes. There is also a lot of fuss about communicating with members, setting up special interest side groups, trying to attract more members, whether new members are happy enough.

I had an idea for a one-off event but didn’t bother mentioning it because I couldn’t face the fussing. We used to have members do these under their own steam, but now this guy always has to wade in and take control.

It was always a very straightforward, laidback meet once a month and debate event and I miss that. I do think about just going back to being a regular member, but I worry that unchecked this man would turn it into something completely different and I’d have to stop going at all. For now, I still enjoy the events themselves enough to keep with it.

AmazingCoffee I’m in a splinter book group too. The original one is still going but has become tediously hard work thanks to people who’ve always been in it, but now a new one who’s just been smuggled in as the partner of an existing member. Said partner rubbishes every book, especially if written by a woman, and makes the person who chose it feel totally crushed

Don't blame you Happiness...I am very close to it myself....might be time to re-develop my own garden. I had hoped to make friends , share in something and learn more. None of that going on bitching, back-biting, moaning about f*all the whole place is hostile, negative, poorly managed...so much for the Good Life...

I'm in a genre book group that could easily turn this way but the extremely umm confident leader does actually do a good job of policing equality. One of his rules is 'No negatives in a row' so if the two people before you were negative you need to find something positive to say about the book. It works quite well to break the cycle of peer pressure changing opinions. Separately, he is a bit of a stalker though 👀
Genre books attract oddballs.

I left two Facebook groups for being pulled.for stupid reasons.

One was a wedding snark group and I was repeatedly called weird for pointing out that you could still see address on a wedding invite someone posted.

Other was a Duggar family snark group in which I said that Prince Harry was complaining about buying his own mansion. I was told that he only wanted the security so he didnt get MURDERED by the paparazzi.

Yes! I show dogs and do quite well. Problem is, if you do quite well, you get arsehole jealous nob heads! The kennel club even had to promote an anti-bullying campaign against the vile bully idiots! They're everywhere, in every sphere of life, you can't avoid them. Jealousy does seem to bring out the worst in people and it's a very good test of your mettle to rise above them!

I had to do a course through work with a friend. She’s really lovely but had to comment/ question every point the trainer made. She has more experience than me and is very capable, so the questions she was asking were ridiculous and, as we were there through work, all of the other delegates were aware that she was asking questions she already knew the answer to. She not only delayed us leaving that day, we ran so late, we had to return for a second session. I refused to undertake any training with her from then on.

I’ve also had issues in two boxercise classes. Both were mixed-ability classes and were advertised as fitness classes based on boxing techniques, not boxing classes. Both started out fine, lots of boxing moves and very little contact. Gradually younger members joined who were clearly looking for boxing/kickboxing classes and the sessions turned heavily towards sparring. The last straw for me was when very fit late 20’s early 30’s men were essentially beating the crap out of frail 70-something women.

It didn’t ruin my hobby for me as it’s quite individual and I’m very passionate about it anyway, but I’m in a lot of genealogy groups and used to be on a mailing list back when they were a thing. On one particular group there was a professional researcher who was an absolute dick, so argumentative, condescending and generally unpleasant especially to less experienced folk. I’m pretty confident at genealogy research so it didn’t discourage me (I just thought he was a huge twat and ignored him!) but I’m fairly sure he probably put some new people to the group off, which is a real shame. He later cropped up on a genealogy Facebook group I’m on doing the same thing!

I just googled him and he died last year, his obituary is delightful and talks all about how he helped people in local history groups

I play an older person's summer outdoor sport. Ok yes it's bowls. The chair is tyrannical - and as I'm a) the youngest and b) the newest, I'm her go-to target. It's nice that everyone else rolls their eyes as I get told off again, and again, for things I didn't do, and given advice I don't need or want. Last time we played I felt myself getting boiling angry, so I remain very pleased with myself because rather than saying "oh fuck off Moira you are being really really horrible to me", I somehow managed to say "you know Moira, you're taking all the fun out of this for me." I have no idea if she has changed her style because Lockdown.

Also there is a man there who is 40 years older than me and who I shit you not seriously thinks he's in with a chance because I'm a smily chatty person so I've been nice to him. Big mistake. Last game of last year, he sidled up and told me "we've got a spark I think, I haven't felt like this since my wife died 700 years ago."

@ZombeaArthur

I had to do a course through work with a friend. She’s really lovely but had to comment/ question every point the trainer made. She has more experience than me and is very capable, so the questions she was asking were ridiculous and, as we were there through work, all of the other delegates were aware that she was asking questions she already knew the answer to. She not only delayed us leaving that day, we ran so late, we had to return for a second session. I refused to undertake any training with her from then on.

I’ve also had issues in two boxercise classes. Both were mixed-ability classes and were advertised as fitness classes based on boxing techniques, not boxing classes. Both started out fine, lots of boxing moves and very little contact. Gradually younger members joined who were clearly looking for boxing/kickboxing classes and the sessions turned heavily towards sparring. The last straw for me was when very fit late 20’s early 30’s men were essentially beating the crap out of frail 70-something women.

Boxercise is meant to be no contact isn't it, pad work at the most?

I took up kick boxing many years ago, in my 20s. There was a ju jitsu class before ours and for some reason one of the guys used to gatecrash our class and show off his moves, I'd end up sparring with him and come out covered in bruises (the moves and blocks are very different). One session I'd just had enough of his shit and performed this once in a lifetime, spinning jumping kick and caught the fucker right on his temple with my heel. There was an audible clunk, his glasses flew off and the dojo went silent followed by a round of applause Justin never returned

[quote Malin52]@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow friend B sounds like my yoga fiend. She also did a lot of loud sighing and groaning. You aren't in the North London area are you?![/quote]
No, Durham. She is lovely, but my god competitive. Anything you do, even for pleasure, she has to go one better (and enragingly is usually better at it)

Quite heartened to hear dh & I are not the only ones who have encountered 'characters' on our allotment We have had incidents at ours that would make your hair curl! One particular person, who we found out later was removed from the other local site as a committee member and asked to take over ours. This didn't go down well, as our allotment is very small compared to most and quite happily potters on without meetings and so on. Let's just say her overbearing organising and forceful nature wasn't well received and after locking horns with another it holder, loudly one summer evening, hasn't been seen since!!!

I fucked off out of the WI as the clique started just inviting their mates to deliver (and get paid for) the meetings.
Anyone left fb groups because they get taken over by people with their own agendas? Sewing groups are really prone to it. Though my heart sank on my fountain pen group when a member started on about his particular hobby horse. And everyone saying how brave and stunning he was. Again, fuck all to do with pen and ink.

Wonderful thread thanks EineReiseDurchDieZeit!

This, sums it all up for me:
For me a lot is down to how the rest of the group treat your resident yammering sphincter.

IPMSL!

@TheSpottedZebra

Ugh, that sounds TEDIOUS.

I have an allotment. It is mostly lovely apart from 1 person who is massively annoying and stomps about like an angry bear, whilst making the odd 'over-friendly' comment. He sits with his pals on a sunny evening, which is the nicest for my plot as it gets the late sun. I ended up avoiding the sunny evenings last summer as it was just Too Much.

Big headphones (even if you aren't listening to anything).

Sunglasses.

Book.

I used this trio when backpacking and it means annoyed have to actually touch you to get your attention. Not many people will do this. Although some really fucking annoying people will touch your arm to get your attention, ARSEHOLES.

@ProfessorPootle & @DorisLessingsCat I will go to the gym post lockdown & see if it happens again... if it does then I will speak to the management, as one of the men is a PT.

I am a walk leader for a rambling group. Most of the men are lovely. However there are a group of middle aged men who decide they will pester me to change any walks I've put on to suit them - can't you change it from Saturday to Monday, or can't you set off a bit later? Funnily enough they never do this to the male walk leaders.

COVID has been great as we've had to limit the amount of people on walks, so I never invite them.

I tried headphones. It upset Roy.