Arseholes Who've Ruined Groups And Hobbies

[EineReiseDurchDieZeit]

Moved house last year, then COVID happened.

I am CEV and so have done loads of shielding and joining a hobby group I was looking forward to post move hasn't happened but I am on their mailing list. For this specific thing they are my only option locally.

Get emails from the mailing list regularly and having had my interest piqued googled the social media presence of the named sender.

They are clearly an arsehole, a massive, tedious, arsehole with very "set views" which I imagine would need to be agreed with by any incomers, which is not going to happen. (They are a group organiser)

So potentially that's this group out the window...

Which made me think, MNers, were you / have you ever left a group style hobby you really enjoyed because of That One Arsehole and

What did they do? How bad was it?

Ha!

A rummikub group, visited with MIL who invited me along.

Leader got pissy that I was there. "Does she know how to play?" Directed to MIL. I answered "yes".
She huffed and we started playing as a 3. She made an initial play of under 30 points. I queried this. She rolls her eyes and says "we have a house rule that we can start with any score. Weren't you told that?" And then threw daggers at MIL.
I said " oh, no, yes, MIL did say so. My mistake." (She hadn't, because she had forgotten that it was a rule)

Anyway, then if I dared to take more than a millisecond to take my turn. She started huffing/drumming fingers etc

Then she proceed to 'cheat' and would lay tiles down, and then go "oh, no, I meant to actually do this. " Then tried to keep the joker.

We finished the game and then said "I'll just watch the next one..." Never went back.

Book group. Joined a new one when I moved to a new area. I was invited by a friend who forgot to warn me that the organiser was ‘a bit special’.
You weren’t allowed to discuss the book. We each were allowed to give our impressions/thoughts etc but no interactive discussion could take place because that apparently would take too long and became too animated. We weren’t allowed to drink too much (despite being bored shirtless because we had to listen to 8 or 9 people witter on) as apparently we talked too much about things that were nothing to do with the book... or worse still... talk about the book outside of the actual discussion. She took notes of everything everyone said but when I asked if she could circulate them for all our interest she said no, she only took them for herself. Whoever hosted made the main course for dinner but the rest of us would bring starters or dessers, bread, nibbles etc. Everyone would make an effort apart from her who when it was her turn made a curry which was basically just sauce and served it with rice when everyone else use to make decent meals. She would insist we agreed the next date on the night we met, but because she didn’t have kids wouldn’t accept that they might get in the way occasionally and would bully you if you couldn’t make a meeting - she once berrated me by phone text and email because I wouldn’t be able to make a meeting because it was the evening of the first birthday of my son.... I wanted to sit and celebrate with my husband but she wanted me to go to book group. 🤨
She made the meetings so untenable that I left and cited ‘life being too short’ as my reason.

@zwerty the trumping meditator just has to win this thread 😂😂😂😂😂😂

MrsGulDukat why were you using a hobbyist group as a place to rant about Harry and Meghan in the first place?

Two Neo Nazis were sentenced to four years in prison for making plans to murder Harry and for attempting to incite violence against Harry for "being a race traitor". The poster who disagreed with the argument you started wasn't exactly wrong.

It's true a lot of the craft and knitting forums, I hardly dare say anything not strictly factual and in fact don't correct people when things are completely wrong either as they will just get offended. It's lovely people can share and enjoy what used to be solitary hobbies but they do get so invested. Maybe by definition you have a bit too much time on your hands if you have time to make so many things.
I work mostly with men so it's nice to join in with groups/chats for some female company, but the conversations do my head in.

As for the outrage if anyone dares redesign their website...

You haven't lived until you've been a volunteer parent chaperone at your local dance school's annual show.

Especially when some of the other parents have a right go at you (thinking you are the lowest of the hired help), because turning up late / their dc's hair / costume / whatever is more important than all the other kids, because they are the star of the show, don't you know. No, actually they're not. Really, they're not.

@Mrssheppard18

Not a group or hobby but I left group therapy after the doctor told me I was embarrassing myself by not agreeing with what he said. He told me I was abused as a child and that’s why I’m ill even though I was 100% never abused as a child and when I defended my family tried to belittle me infront of a room full of people and said I just couldn’t remember it. I walked out and never went back as there are lots of known factors that cause bpd.

I sincerely hope you made an official complaint about him? Dangerous bastard, could have tipped the scales for you if you'd been suicidal at the time. I've always refused group therapy (am bi-polar) since at the age of 15 in a Young People's Unit, the psychiatrist clearly disliked me as much as I distrusted him, and allowed some of the rest of the group to make really vicious attacks on me. Totally unprofessional. Have some on me!

We had two queen bees who would quite angrily face off against one another. Never about the hobby in question, but about who was closest to the group leader. It was literally 'Well, you say that, but I know Leader agrees with me, don't you?' vs 'You should hear what Leader has said to me about you!'

The irony being that Leader hated them both equally, had done his best to diplomatically keep them on separate projects for years, and then finally flipped his lid after it descended into some seriously nasty homophobic abuse. 'YOU can just leave now. You are no longer welcome if you are saying things like that.' Then just as the other sparring partner smirked 'Oh, and you're not welcome here either.'

The rest of us stood open-mouthed. I could fill a thread with the variously odd things the two women did over the years, but my god, it was like a collective exhalation once they'd gone.

DH was a member of a climbing group for a while after his usual climbing friends scattered a bit and started having other commitments. It was okay until one member wanted to turn everything into a charity fundraising opportunity. Most of the others just wanted to climb up rocks, but it's awkward to say you don't want to do fundraising as it sounds uncharitable.

Over eaters anonymous meetings. I got a lot out of them but one woman was really overbearing and intensely controlling so all that was left to do was leave.

@TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain yes running groups can be like this too. Problem is that everyone completing a race whether it's an ultra marathon or a Race for Life starts mithering for donations. When London Marathon charity places get announced its really tricky!

@Bargebill19

Oh god - penguin lady who ran a knitting group. We weren’t allowed to crochet. (Deemed inferior). All projects had to vetted to meet some imaginary criteria or you weren’t allowed to knit. It had to be knitting and ALL conversation had to be conducted only when the leader had finished her row, and had to somehow incorporate penguins. You could have a drink so long as it was tea and you had the right money, you couldn’t take your own or have coffee etc. She had a lot of yarn donated - but we weren’t allowed to use it, only to look at it. Lasted 6 weeks and by then it’s was down to the leader, her friend and little old me.

This is hilarious. Thank you 🙏

Oh I just rember I found out about a Tai Chi classes running in a elderly complex centre in one of those fringe outskirts villages of towns in wales,

I had found out about the Tai Chi classes through a Healthier well being and spiritual/psychic events that roll into towns and villages every so often.

So I went up on the bus ,checked with organiser it was the right date and time to go up before hand,

When I went up there on a day it was pissing with rain non stop
It was crystal clear, there was nobody at this Tai Chi lesson,
The elderly lady,one of the residents there,was confused about what I was doing there
I obviously told her I had come these Tai Chi classes
So I rung the organiser to find out why she was not here and see if she was running a bit late

she told me it was the wrong date
That was a lie cause she texted me that date/day I had turned up on

she didn't bother saying sorry

I was not even giving a hot cup of drink even though it was a cold freezing wet raining day
Before I went back on the bus

I waited nearly a hour and and half or just over that at a open bus type shelter in a quite isolated bus route village with nothing there to do whilst waiting. for bus

I'm about to leave one actually. It was good but now it's shit. Very very cliquey and then lots of people left, then covid happened and we e done f all not even zoom things.

The 2 main people who run it are extremely close, type A personalities and I'm really not. Awkward thing is I work with one of them so I expect it to be shit at work when I quit.

That penguin story is the best thing I've ever read. Ever.

@Gliblet

Urgh, gatekeepers. As a woman who enjoys tabletop gaming and painting miniatures I've had a lot of practice at my 'oh my god I'm so fascinated' face while my brain replays episodes of Red Dwarf for me

For me a lot is down to how the rest of the group treat your resident yammering sphincter. If you can all put up with the occasional massive rant or weird obsession about one particular thing with a little shared humour and eye rolling, fine. Even if they're a group leader it's possible to appreciate their enthusiasm and be grateful that they're doing all the admin without going out of your way to engage with them directly.

If everyone else thinks it's normal behaviour, run.

The Red Dwarf comment is all I need to know that you and me could be best friends :)

I ordered this last year!!

We have a local women’s forum on FB, the women who runs it is a complete power crazed bully (also very involved with running clubs funnily enough).

She will kick anyone out who doesn’t agree with her and her gang of local prep school mums- then post about them like a spiteful teenager.

She set up another Facebook group for parents of children with special needs. She has no children with special needs, no qualifications or experience.

I think she just thought it would be another group to boss around. I got kicked out for sticking up for someone she was piling on.

It’s scary the number of rational and decent people who will put up with that kind of stuff though or watch someone else be treated badly.

Every yoga or pilates class = grunting, heavy breathing man, asks too many questions and monopolises the teacher. Ruins an otherwise calm female space. And I've been going to classes on and off for 30 years.

Ooh, @cosyacorn is the group related to a place in Florida? (I'm trying to be deliberately cryptic!). I'm a member too and have had to hide those particular posts because it seems a bit 'off' in a way I can't put my finger on.

[quote FantasySeven]@Donkeydonut could I be right in thinking this group contains "bears" in FB group name? As I've been banned from that particular group last year. I was new and one of my first replies my views sided with a lady the Admin/creator seemed to be in disagreement with. It appeared she had a Messenger group with a HUGE group of preppy new mums absolutely crucifying the lady, taking pictures from her profile calling her children names, saying she should commit suicide, zooming in on parts of her home calling it dirty and all sorts in this private chat. For defending her I was repeatedly invited into this group chat and absolutely ripped roo, but my profile has high privacy settings. Sadly this ladies didn't. So scary massive groups of bullies consisting of adult women in the hundreds exist online.[/quote]
No but it has part of your user name in it @FantasySeven.
What you went through sounds awful- unbelievably spiteful.

My lip still curls whenever I see the admin of ours posturing about food banks, hypocrital bully.

I used to volunteer for a local museum and my role meant I was automatically on the committee, which comprised women of more mature years, all of whom were 'active' in other committees and associations locally ... basically some of them had really honed their Handforth Parish Council skilz! Committee meetings were appalling. Points of order and infighting and petty point-scoring ... if I merely felt uncomfortable during a 2 hour meeting that would be one of the better ones. The sheer venom expressed towards one committee member (she was most definitely an outsider and brought in to do a role nobody else was prepared to do) was repulsive. I left, in the end, even though the volunteer experience in this role might theoretically have got me closer to an actual job.

I still see the two main offenders around - it's a lot easier to smile now I don't have to attend meetings with them - but I can't unknow how deeply unpleasant they can be.

I'm grateful for my local knitting group for being total pan-craftual! There are some very accomplished knitters but it doesn't matter if you can just about manage to knit a square, no one will look down on you and if you ask for help it's there but not forced. We've met with knitting, crochet, sewing. And most of the time we chat about anything but knitting.

When I moved house I thought I'd try a local knitting group, popped along to the café and bought a cuppa, asked if a seat was free and sat next to a lady. Within the first few minutes I'd discovered that "that table" behind me was the founder members and you couldn't sit with them as they had regular spaces to sit, they didn't even speak to the table of people I was sitting with! Decided I couldn't be doing with that.

Youngest was at pre-school and alpha mum of the PTA already had me down as second-rate because I was from the newer build homes 10 minutes drive away not "the village". Anyway, second year of preschool the Christmas production rolls round and the volunteer (whose children had since left) with a camcorder couldn't come. She'd seen that I had one the year before so asked if I could film it. I certainly wasn't the only parent with a camcorder, and I said that I'd rather not as I never film the whole thing because I like to enjoy it on the day, I usually just take short clips where I know my own child is doing something but I'd be happy to share anything I did film. I might as well have been refusing her a lifejacket on the Titanic. I don't think she said a nice word to anyone outside her village clique. Felt rather smug a year later when I saw a very public spat on FB as she'd had an affair with someone and there was an absolute bitch-fest slagging her off and references to sloppy seconds!

For anyone who’s interested...
When looking on Meetup for creative writing groups, I came across one called, honestly, Shut Up and Write! (Exclamation point is part of the name). Obviously it’s online now due to COVID, but it’s just an hour of silent writing, no sharing at chat. There is time afterwards where you can chat, but you don’t have to be involved.
Obviously it’s not a structured course where you learn various techniques, but could be useful if you just enjoy writing and want to get on with it without any My Fascinating Autobiography About Me wankers.