Would you judge someone for having a third child now?

[Somanythingsonmywindowsill]

Would love a third child, can afford it and think on balance it will benefit our two young DC. DH is equally keen

But I can't help worrying that it would be wrong for environmental reasons etc and wonder if others would think that if we did have a third DC. I do also worry about whether it would take time and resources from existing children if things suddenly majorly changed, though we have life insurance and illness cover etc and are otherwise financially stable

On more anxious moments I even wonder about a dystopian future where third or later children had to be handed over to the state - but of course I know I'm being ridiculous really

[quote FuckyouBrennan]@lynsey91 the risk of having a child with disabilities? Because they are the worst things you could ever imagine and don’t deserve your love?

What if your eldest child is disabled? Are you supposed to never breed again incase you produce another one?

Think before you type ffs.[/quote]
You know she doesn’t mean that. A hypothetical child with disabilities is very different to a real flesh and blood child with disabilities. Of course you would love and treasure them, but there’s no denying it would make life more complicated, and this needs to be taken into account.

The mothers of larger families tend to get pretty aggressive on these threads!

I have three children. Nobody has ever said anything judgemental to my face and I don't care about the people who say things behind my back or 'judge silently' like some of the lovely posters on here.

Op, have a baby if you want one, can afford one and are prepared to give three children what they need emotionally. That's it. The impact on climate change is something to think about I suppose, but if you were as bothered about that as people on this thread claim to be then presumably you wouldn't have any children in the first place.

@Wondermule no. It came across like she was saying don’t tempt fate.

MsTSwift I've noticed that too. There are some mothers of 3 or more who do speak honestly under the veil of anonymity on MN, about how much harder/more expensive 3+ kids are despite what most people would have you believe. But they're few and far between. It could be because 3+ really is the bees knees or it could be because they can never be seen to regret such a life changing decision (even if they cannot regret the person or people that result from it).

@WireFan surely any child is life changing? How is 3 anymore life changing than 1?
I can see why 5/6 would be. But cars etc are all fine with 3 kids surely?

I have three children. Nobody has ever said anything judgemental to my face and I don't care about the people who say things behind my back or 'judge silently' like some of the lovely posters on here.

This is mostly my experience as well.

I have had comment about my age , DH age, age gaps etc but can only remember a few from family during thrid pg and once baby was here they stopped. I think people often have views behind your back about some aspect of your life - jobs, houses, locations marriage, pets everything to do around child rearing- doesn't mean it matters.

There are downside to three - it's had more of a negative effect on my career than I expected and as they get older there is more expensive but I have mid two teens and a preteen and frankly so far it's been great.

It was more luck than planning we got a four bed house in the end - which I think came at the right stage in their lives when they needed the space from each other - though I grew up sharing as I'm one of three who grew up in a three bed house and I turned out fine.

@FuckyouBrennan of course any child is life changing. 3 is a fair amount more than 1 so I imagine has a bit of a life impact. That said, I'm sure you could find someone who has 5 or 6 now who would tell you life is really no different now to when they just had the one. It's easier even as they can all play together, the older ones help the younger ones etc....I don't buy it though.

As regards cars, as you raised it, you can't get 3 kids especially those close in age into most standard cars, whether they are smells needing car seats and boosters each, or almost-adult-sized teens. That said you can get a range of 7 seaters that can take 5 kids and 2 adults but 6 kids and 2 adults enters minibus territory.

Yes, I would a bit especially if you were environmentally conscious. Having an extra child is the worst thing you can do for the environment regardless of how you raise them.l just because of the resources required for another person.

I didn’t find going from to 2DC to 3DC a big change, or from 1 to 2. 0 to 1 is the biggie.

well actually if we don't want a massive aging population we need to have more children, our birthrate in the uk has been declining for a while.

How is 3 anymore life changing than 1?

3 lots of school shoes, 3 phones, 3 lots of swimming lessons, more school trips, more clubs and ferrying around - longer term possibly three children to pay to get through univeristy.

I was a bit taken back to have some years with three different christmas plays when they were all at the same school.

It's not so much 3 it's just the increase expenditure and time. We did think about four children at one point - after having our first child before that it was always 3 we wanted - but I'm glad we didn't in the end as I think the stretch on time and money would have been too much for us. Though I think my Mum always regretted not having the fourth she'd wanted despite them struggling with money so much in our childhood.

@PasstheBucket89 given that Earth overshoot day was 22nd august last year we need to come up with ways of getting by that don’t require an increasing population

Great post @WomenAndVulvas

I do think the people talking about 'a third child being terrible for the environment' are being ridiculous. As a previous poster (sorry, can't remember name to give you credit) said, what if that person grown up to be the scientist or engineer who comes up the "the" solution to climate change ?
I completely agree with @NeedToGetOuttaHere. Changing from not having any children, to having a child is by far and away the most lifechanging things you can do. 1 - 2 is much easier, and 2 - 3 just a piece of cake IME.

I have three, we can afford them. We buy eco products, have fully electric cars. The third wasn’t planned but it’s really a lovely balance for us.

The chances of that are rather slim though aren’t they! This isn’t something to be “solved” by one clever clogs. The third child is far more likely to be a teacher or an admin assistant or something and to live an average life and to have 2 or 3 kids themselves...

I have got 4 DC. No regrets at all. The more the merrier 👌

You can't pay pensions on thin air. We need to increase populations in places like Scotland. More incentives are needed for couples to have large families.

@blowinahoolie

I have got 4 DC. No regrets at all. The more the merrier 👌

Until the world becomes dangerously overcrowded, and then everyone is miserable.

I would judge you especially if you fly and eat meat whilst having so many children

"Until the world becomes dangerously overcrowded, and then everyone is miserable."

Wondermule we need more of a population, not less. Have you looked at the volume of elderly people in our population? Who will care for all these people?? Robots?

I would secretly but never say anything. Reasons are: environmental and affordability. When they are little they are cheap to run, but can you afford 3 lots of university accommodation, 3 lots of driving lessons etc? Dsis is going through this with her 4; 2 uni and 2 school age. They are high earners but are having to make decisions based on affordability rather than ideal uni choices.

The human Ponzi scheme can’t continue with each generation needing to be larger than the last. Think about that for a minute...space and resources finite

Having an extra child causes an extra 58.6 tonnes of CO2 equivalent emissions per year, for every year of its life.
It’s the single worst thing you can do for the environment. Our planet is already hugely overpopulated- to give every human already here a basic western lifestyle would require the resources of two and a half planet Earths.
You would be adding to an already critical situation, and inflicting more suffering on the world’s poorest, as they suffer disproportionately from climate change.
It really is everybody’s business, and yes, people are entitled to judge. It’s our planet too.

When they are little they are cheap to run, but can you afford 3 lots of university accommodation, 3 lots of driving lessons etc?

But I don't pay those things. As adults, my dc pay for those things (albeit the accommodation through a student maintenance loan). Each of my dc paid for their own driving lessons from their earning through part time jobs.
Hardly something to be making a decision about whether to have another child over. They might not even want to go to University. Or funding might be completely different then.