Would you judge someone for having a third child now?

[Somanythingsonmywindowsill]

Would love a third child, can afford it and think on balance it will benefit our two young DC. DH is equally keen

But I can't help worrying that it would be wrong for environmental reasons etc and wonder if others would think that if we did have a third DC. I do also worry about whether it would take time and resources from existing children if things suddenly majorly changed, though we have life insurance and illness cover etc and are otherwise financially stable

On more anxious moments I even wonder about a dystopian future where third or later children had to be handed over to the state - but of course I know I'm being ridiculous really

The only person I have judged for the amount of children they have is a very vocal eco-warrior acquaintance who is always trying to ram veganism for ecological reasons down people's throats on social media, but have just had their fourth child. Anyone else I wouldn't even think of judging how many children they had!

I don't think 3 children is that eye brow raising re the environment. I know some people believe that having two just replaces the parents so to speak. But I don't class 3 DC as a large family really. 4 or 5 more so. But who cares what anyone thinks? This is solely your and your DH's decision.

No, haven't read all your posts but in answer to your title, this time has made everyone re-evaluate what's important and if this is an important to you do it xxx

I wouldn’t rely on the guidance of strangers on Mumsnet for life advice!

The comments about about the NHS being overwhelmed made me roll my eyes. When is the NHS not overwhelmed? Maternity services have been “at breaking point” for the past 20 years so anybody who has had a child within the past 20 years shouldn’t have had it then?

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2880319/amp/NHS-crisis-Hospitals-breaking-point-record-number-admissions-week-despite-public-urged-stay-away.html

www.penguin.co.uk/articles/2018/dec/hard-pushed-a-midwife-on-the-frontline-of-the-nhs.html

Booming birth rate 'a strain on NHS midwifery services' www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-21120593

I have no idea what you are talking about

I would judge positively. We have a declining population in the UK, and need immigration and babies to counter it or we are just storing up problems. So I look on both positively within reason.

Jeez...I wouldn't judge either way, it's none of my business. I definitely think you're overthinking this OP.

Someone had said think forwards 10/15 years and imagine the dinner table then and is it still appealing? I think the answer is yes, although I expect the teenage years to be difficult in general.

Why do you expect them to be difficult ?
I loved the teenage years. I've not thought about it in those terms before, but actually that busy, noisy kitchen table every night was actually a hugely positive part of that. (Quite often padded out with one friend or another).

@Tippexy

Of course not.

Have you thought of getting help for your anxiety?

OP doesn’t have anxiety? She’s having anxious moments. They’re perfectly normal.

It's less thinking about the dinner 'table' in 10/15 year's time and was more mental load and time considerations (for me) raising teens. Unless my two just had a lot going on which is entirely possible I spent a lot of time in the car and working out logistics.

Really and truly I think it is utter madness to have 3 or more children. There is irreversible damage to the planet already.
Climate change due to overpopulation is severe enough now but will become more and more life threatening. It's unnecessary to have 3. Think of your childrens' future.

Why have any children if we are doomed to die from climate change?

I certainly wouldn't do it at the moment. See what things are like in a few years.

3 is fine, anything over 5 is another story altogether.

I think you are overthinking.

Uk birth rate is v low anyways, if you want one and can manage it then have one.

I would never judge but we live in uncertain times and it seems reasonable to be cautious. I volunteer at a food bank and a disproportionate number of those we’ve helped are larger families. I suppose they just have less of a financial buffer if something goes wrong with an extra one or two children to provide for.

@smeerf

The thing that is stopping me from having a third is the chance of something going wrong. I have a perfect little family with two healthy babies and I recovered from birth very well. What if we decide to have a third and something goes wrong, the baby is disabled and needs care, I suffer birth injuries or worse?

This is exactly what stops me. You roll the dice with every pregnancy.

I wouldn’t judge anyone for having a third child if they have considered the time and money they have for them. You seem to have done that.

Who knows whether your existing children will find it a benefit or not- you can’t really control that!

I would LOVE dc3, we can easily afford it which i am grateful for and I do genuinely believe siblings are a benefit to each other on the whole

The climate is one of my main reasons for holding back. Im doing my best to bring them up to really value the environment but having a 3rd seems to be a little against what I'm saying to them. That and I have this fear it won't go well and my DC will end up without a mum - I don't know why but its such a strong feeling.

We still may, we have time and I don't judge others if they do but its a much harder decision than the first 2. I think they've made me more environmentally aware actually

Any children at all is bad for the environment.
I have 3 and it’s wonderful

I have 3 and I couldn’t care less what anybody thinks. Our children all adore one another and I wouldn’t change having 3 for the world.
Good luck

@smeerf @TaVeryMuchLove the worry about something going wrong is what stops me too. I just don't think my two children need another sibling and I wouldn't risk anything happening to upset our family dynamic. That and I'm one of four children and I never felt I had individual time from my parents, they were just stretched too far. DH is one of three and says the youngest was always left out of things. But... that's my thoughts about my own decision not to go for number 3.....you do what you feel best.

@Northernbeachbum sounds like we are in exactly the same position! I think we'll see where we are in a year or two and then decide yes or no. We probably won't have another, but like you I'd love to

What on earth would the state want to do with all these third or subsequent children?! I find that a completely bizarre comment. The fact you even thought to mention it as being a potential consideration is quite worrying, I’m surprised more posters haven’t mentioned it.

If we teach a dystopian society where the state is removing our children then I think we’ll all be fucked for various reasons. This is not and should not be part of a rationale decision making process.