Would you judge someone for having a third child now?

[Somanythingsonmywindowsill]

Would love a third child, can afford it and think on balance it will benefit our two young DC. DH is equally keen

But I can't help worrying that it would be wrong for environmental reasons etc and wonder if others would think that if we did have a third DC. I do also worry about whether it would take time and resources from existing children if things suddenly majorly changed, though we have life insurance and illness cover etc and are otherwise financially stable

On more anxious moments I even wonder about a dystopian future where third or later children had to be handed over to the state - but of course I know I'm being ridiculous really

It might be negative for the environment but honestly where do people think the money comes from to pay their pensions??? .....that's right....the next generation of taxpayers....one extra child isn't going to do much damage OP and I always find these "bad for the environment" arguments pretty ridiculous if I'm
Honest 🤷‍♀️

We have three. I don’t regret it, but always advice others (if they ask, never unsolicited!) to stick to two. We are extremely fortunate not to struggle financially, but we’re by no means well off, however the third has impacted car choices (no the middle seat is not an actual seat for a 15 year old), house choices (you can’t actually call it a 4 bed house, it’s 3 and a cupboard with a window and now I have to decide which of my three children deserves to feel less valued!), holiday choices (5 can’t share a hotel room) interest and past time choices (do you want to join us at Laser Quest it’s only £25 said my brother with one child. Me (thinking) that’s £75 for my three!) especially now they are teenagers - for example; think three different children needing to be collected in three different locations. If we had two my husband could do one and I could do the other instead it feels like someone is always being brought home by a friend or waiting 30mins in the dark to be collected. I feel I’m never able to give them enough individual time and although I wouldn’t change it for the world you asked, so my advice would be stick with two!

I would only judge you if you were simultaneously whanging on in a tiresome fashion about the environment and side eyeing my long haul holiday or meat consumption. Everyone makes their choices on what matters to them.

I have three myself so I'm in no position to judge. For me, having three has been a joy. Yes of course there have been a few tough times but on balance I'd do it again. And I didn't find the teenage years too stressful on the whole.

If you want a third child, go ahead.

@blowinahoolie

Large families do have their merits. We need to replace our ageing population. We need more people to keep the economy going. It's short sighted to only focus on the environmental impact.

Is this sarcastic?

We stopped at 2 I would have felt too guilty having 3. It seems gratuitous somehow and greedy. I know not a popular opinion I wouldn’t say anything but this is what I think sorry. You did ask!

I have 2 and that's is done but if we had more money I'd definately consider more

I have 3, though 2&3 are twins. So it wasn’t exactly a choice (I still think I would have gone on and had a 3rd, just not 2 minutes later).

Also with the birth rate so low here and across our family it is hard to see that us having 1 extra is going to make the population explode instead of just help support the aging childless population.

And there are benefits to more siblings. I love having 2 myself and so do my kids. If 1 is annoying you, you play with the other one!

I do think if you are worried about the impact of climate change there are other things to look at than how many kids you have too. I have trouble believing my 1 car, cloth nappy using, rarely flying family with solar panels on our roof is having more of an impact than a 2 kid family with multiple fuel guzzler cars, lots of flights and plastic everywhere.

At the same time I do seriously worry about the world I’ve brought them into. What kind of earth are they going to inherite? What are they going to live through because our generations can’t get our act together

What ??? This is something people judge people for ???????? Wow I really learn new things every day on here. I really had no idea people are getting judged for having three children. It's never even crossed my mind.

Whichever way you dice it having more of us is catastrophic for the environment. That “just one extra” will have their own car, a house, likely a family of their own. Millions of families in the west who consume massively having that “just one more” will have an effect.

The pensions / economy argument makes no sense either. What we just keep adding more and more of us to bolster the large older generation until.. when?! How does that end?!

This has been on my mind since I was a teen . I feel I can’t unknow this and stick my fingers in my ears and say “lalala my brother in law just has one” etc. I euu it dh it wasn’t true either especially as I bloody love flying!

I know what you mean @MsTSwift

I suppose the theory might be to gradually reduce the working age population. I saw this article ages ago www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/amp/health-53409521

But agree that it's not saying the answer is to keep having loads of kids!

I wonder if families struggle with knowing that their individual efforts will make no difference on their own, and see many others doing what they like. On the other hand, I do notice most families having two or less children and it does influence me as I don't want to be selfish by having an extra myself.

I'm not sure why I feel that overall having siblings will be positive for my children because I know that there's every chance they won't get along and am realistic about the distribution of time and money, but I do think there are some benefits to having more family around you.

A relative of mine was born in 1946 in Dresden, Germany. Her future looked very bleak when she was born into an occupied country ravaged by war, barely a building still standing, people going hungry, more or less the entire economy and infrastructure of her country destroyed. Yet she lived through one of the most prosperous and happy times in Europe.
Compare that to a Jewish baby born into a German Middle class family in 1880 - there was no real reason to worry about this baby's future, certainly no one would have thought he or she might end up murdered in a concentration camp.

It is impossible to predict the future, there have been very frightening predictions for decades and we don't seem to realise we can't even know what's going to happen in 2022, let alone in 2 or 3 decades.

MN is very negative in general (or are most people this pessimistic?). Most posters seem to have a doom and gloom view of the world.
If you want a 3rd, go for it.

I would not judge you for having a third child. I take it that you have been married to DH for a long time and yours is a stable loving relationship.

I would judge you if you were in an unstable relationship, I would judge your DH if he was trying to coerce you, I would judge a man who has children by several women and does not acknowledge them all.

@CeibaTree I know one like this - but has Astro turf, a 3l diesel car, 5 kids - yet is very vocal and horrible about people who don’t care for the environment 😳

She can sod off and yes I do judge her - but for being a self righteous tit, not that she has 5 kids!

OP - I used to worry horribly about what people would be saying about me or think, until my therapist told me “other people’s opinions are none of your business”

If you want a third, go for it! It sounds like you’re giving it careful consideration, make your decision on that, not because some people will judge you for a third.

Personally, I won’t have a third, though I’d love to have three. Second baby being born in 2 weeks by section, this pregnancy has been horrible and so hard on my body, and baby isn’t doing great either - it unfortunately wouldn’t be sensible for me to try and do it again. If I’d had good pregnancies and births, and would have a 3rd.

To be fair I do judge 3+ children families. I’d never say it out loud though. Does silent judging count

I have no children and no plan to have any (not just for environmental reasons). Believe me I get judged for that too.

I wouldnt judge you in the slightest! If you can afford it and your children are happy then sod what anyone else thinks. I'm an only child and I've always said I want 3 children. My DH is the eldest of 3 and he is adamant he only wants 2 (but his family is very toxic so I wouldn't use them as a decider.) I'm sure there's arguments for and against but only you can decide what's best for your family! Have you got one of each already? I'm sure they would love it!

Honestly, I really don't think you as one individual should not have a third child because of this. We live in an ageing society where a large amount of people are remaining children. A worrying amount, actually. Good for them in many ways and hopefully immigration will help solve this problem in the future, but honestly. You can have a third child.

If people judge you they are just being goady prats.

You're not talking 10 kids, you're talking 3. Good for you.

I love all the "I'm such a good person having 2 children" prats who also go on four abroad holidays a year and stick non-recyclables in the recycling bin whilst enjoying their weekly steak dinners. Goady idiots.

If you can afford it without requiring tax payers to support your family, you have room in your current home and the child is wanted by both parents, why not? Seems exactly the type of scenario a 3rd is totally acceptable

Having a 3rd creates so many more 1 on 1 relationships within your family unit which can only be a positive (IMO). Supports a more balanced rounded personality (again IMO).

@Loopyloututu2

I have four dc’s and can’t imagine ever feeling the way you do - we wanted another child, we were in a good position to do so, so we did - definitely stopped now at 4. The only thing that would have stopped me having a larger family is lack of money as I want to be able to give them a nice life. Luckily we are very comfortable financially.

But not having a much-wanted third child for worrying about the affect on the environment or thinking they are going to be living in some kind of dystopian future is, to me, bonkers.

Yeah bonkers to think about the future your children are going to have.

This planet is overpopulated. That is a fact. Climate change is real and is not going away. Rising sea levels, water and food shortages - all going to be such fun.

So many people WANT a child so selfishly have one

Yes I judge people who have more than 2 and would have thought anyone with a brain would.

Quite apart from overpopulation there are other reasons not to have more. If you have 2 healthy children why take the risk of having a child with disabilities which then changes the lives of your existing children.

Not all children get on with their siblings. I hated being one of three and vowed I would never have 3. I have only ever got on with one of my siblings even now when we are all in our 60's.

This planet is overpopulated. That is a fact. Climate change is real and is not going away. Rising sea levels, water and food shortages - all going to be such fun.

So many people WANT a child so selfishly have one

I’m sorry but these comments just make me 😂😂😂 - I bet your face looks just like a cats bum.
I’m so glad I don’t know such a miserable person in real life! Get out and enjoy your life and stop fretting about things which may never happen, and definitely not in your children’s lifetime. Do you not think our grandparents thought we would all be living in some kind of horrendous dystopian world by now?
Our life is pretty good thanks - were very happy with our big family and in fact if I could change anything it would’ve been to have squeezed in another couple of dc’s!

Quite apart from overpopulation there are other reasons not to have more. If you have 2 healthy children why take the risk of having a child with disabilities which then changes the lives of your existing children.

This isn’t normal - you sound like you have some kind of health anxiety - to not have another child just in case it is disabled? What??🤣

@lynsey91 the risk of having a child with disabilities? Because they are the worst things you could ever imagine and don’t deserve your love?

What if your eldest child is disabled? Are you supposed to never breed again incase you produce another one?

Think before you type ffs.