Page 3 | Is The Thumbs Up On Messenger Dismissive?

EternalOptimist7 · 2021-03-06T20:18:14+00:00

Sometimes I have really made an effort with my posts & then someone responds with a thumbs up. I hate it! Does anyone think it’s dismissive or a bit lazy?

Oversize · 06/03/2021 22:18

Offend not offer

Voice0fReason · 06/03/2021 22:57

This is nuts. It's just a thumbs up. I will carry on using it because I can't be doing with someone second-guessing how it might be misinterpreted. Life is too short.

RampantIvy · 07/03/2021 07:58

Some people are too easily offended IMO.

I can't be doing with typing long messages on my phone. I much prefer using my laptop for long messages.

Dancingwithdreams · 07/03/2021 08:03

Surely it’s just like replying to an email with “great, thanks very much”. If you are responding to “I’ve uploaded the PowerPoint to the shared drive” then it’s a simple acknowledgement and does what it says on the tin. Yes, it can also be used sarcastically but it isn’t inherently rude.

rookiemere · 07/03/2021 08:11

I'll tend to use thumbs up to signal that I won't be typing any more responses and I notice other people do that as well. Otherwise it gets too difficult to ever end a conversation on messenger.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 07/03/2021 08:20

This is very timely for me! I’ve genuinely never done anything to hurt or be shitty to my eldest sibling but they’ve just never really wanted to be close to me and at times have been quite shitty to me when we were younger (I think they just didn’t want our mum to have another child when I was born). Anyway, any time I’ve sent them a nice supportive message recently during the pandemic with an offer of help etc they’ve only responded with the thumbs up. It does feel like a big fuck off and after the last message, I think I just won’t bother anymore. I’m actually really hurt.

FoonySpucker · 07/03/2021 08:35

I find it passo aggro because they are basically ending the conversation.

What is "passo aggro"? Is it a new category for Strictly?

All conversations have to end at some point. A thumbs up is no different from OK. Some messages don't actually warrant a reply. Do you think people should go on messaging ad infinitum?

sashagabadon · 07/03/2021 08:49

@NameChangedForThisFeb21

This is very timely for me! I’ve genuinely never done anything to hurt or be shitty to my eldest sibling but they’ve just never really wanted to be close to me and at times have been quite shitty to me when we were younger (I think they just didn’t want our mum to have another child when I was born). Anyway, any time I’ve sent them a nice supportive message recently during the pandemic with an offer of help etc they’ve only responded with the thumbs up. It does feel like a big fuck off and after the last message, I think I just won’t bother anymore. I’m actually really hurt.

Don’t fall out with a sibling over a thumbs up! I send them to my sisters all the time and I genuinely mean thumbs up ie. great! I sent one to my sister yesterday about meeting today. It’s really not some sort of secret pissed off message as far as I am concerned. I hate all this emoticons have secret meanings stuff as you have to be in the in club to know this is the case! I think it’s a generational thing

BlackCatShadow · 07/03/2021 08:55

I sort of agree even though I do use it myself. I think if someone is trying to have a conversation and you just thumbs up back at them, it's lazy.

Like:
"Hey, how's it going? How are the kids? Did you watch the last part of that new series last night? It was so good and made me think of you. I hope you are doing ok and everything is ok with you and your family"

"👍"

MacDuffsMuff · 07/03/2021 08:56

FFS is there nothing that some people won't take offense to? Why does everything have to be so over analysed?

It's a thumbs up. That's it.

BlackCatShadow · 07/03/2021 08:58

I have to admit, I use it a lot with my co-worker as she has bad anxiety and her constant texting annoys me, but if I don't answer at all, she'll start phoning repeatedly.

MacDuffsMuff · 07/03/2021 08:58

I find it passo aggro because they are basically ending the conversation.

Um ... are they not permitted to end the conversation? 'OK' is no different.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 07/03/2021 09:03

^Don’t fall out with a sibling over a thumbs up! I send them to my sisters all the time and I genuinely mean thumbs up ie. great!
I sent one to my sister yesterday about meeting today. It’s really not some sort of secret pissed off message as far as I am concerned. I hate all this emoticons have secret meanings stuff as you have to be in the in club to know this is the case!I think it’s a generational thing^

I understand if it’s in response to something like “shall we meet up around 11 for coffee?” But if it’s, for months, been pretty much the only response every time you make the effort to be in touch then what’s the point of keeping putting myself out there and trying to be kind when all you get is a thumbs up in response. It’s not a case of “falling out”. It’s just that I don’t see the point of making an effort or trying to deepen the relationship. A “thanks, I hope you are keeping well” isn’t too much to expect is it? Or even just “thanks, I am ok” but when you’ve sent a message saying “hi sis, it’s been a long time since we’ve been in touch and I was just wondering how you are keeping? You are in my thoughts so often and I hope you are safe and well. I know you have such a challenging job and that things can’t be easy for you. If you ever need me, I am here, happy to speak on the phone or just message on here. Whatever you prefer. I love you x”

And all you get back is a thumbs up...

Can you not see that would be hurtful and seem dismissive?

Some of you are probably thinking why don’t I pick up the phone/go round etc. They aren’t in the U.K. They’ve never seemed to want to speak with me on the phone and texting when they were in the U.K. or messaging on FB seems to be the only way they communicate with me. Their choice. They are fine/civil when they do visit or I visit them but obviously it’s been a couple of years now.

Anyway, I think rather than keep messaging like an idiot (and without falling out) I will just have to accept they don’t want my messages and leave the ball in their court for if they want to keep in contact. They are in touch with the rest of the family and send longer messages or speak on the phone so it’s not a case of being very depressed or something and not able to muster up anything more than the thumbs up.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 07/03/2021 09:08

Is the the reverse thread for all the MN threads complaining that a friend constantly bombards them with messages and gets annoyed when they don’t reply immediately?

SenecaTrewe · 07/03/2021 09:24

I hate it! It's stuffy and stern.

FrenchBoule · 07/03/2021 09:55

No.
I often reply this as to acknowledge sender when busy and reply properly later. Life’s hectic here and most friends know and understand.

StealthPolarBear · 07/03/2021 10:01

This sort of thread really makes me feel old

DinosApple · 07/03/2021 10:06

Blimey I've always read and used it myself as it as ok/understood.

Leaving now 👍
See you at 2 👍
Can everyone ensure their office is cleared for the decorators 👍 (group work chats)
Etc
It's just a quick way to acknowledge something.

Obviously if it was in response to a 'hi how are you' that would be rude, but I've never seen it used in that context.

I don't like 'k' for 'ok' which my daughter does .

Chicchicchicchiclana · 07/03/2021 10:13

@StealthPolarBear

This sort of thread really makes me feel old

Me too!

The whole of Mumsnet makes me feel old sometimes tbh, all the myriad ways people can take offence, misinterpret, get entirely the wrong end of the stick - it's incredible.

shinynewapple21 · 07/03/2021 10:39

I see it used a lot in group chats , it's just acknowledging what someone has said , a 'like' .
I had no clue there was another meaning for it.
Will now watch out for when my son uses it if it has a different meaning to his generation !

Sandgrown1970 · 07/03/2021 10:48

I didn’t think the OP meant it’s always dismissive!

Ie

“pick up some milk on your way home”

“Just sent you an email”

“It’s been nice chatting, enjoy your evening”

“I can send you the recipe if you’d like?”

All fine for a thumbs up.

But when it’s in response to a more personal, thoughtful message (as she indicated was the case in her OP and another poster has touched upon with her sister) it IS rude and dismissive and yes, I can see why people would get upset.

I’ve been upset when someone has asked how I was (in response to me asking them first) and I responded with “it’s been a tough week, 3 of our cousins have died so feeling a bit floored” and the response was a thumbs up. Or “DD has just heard she is definitely going to graduate. Huge relief given how hard this have been with this year. So proud of her, she got a 2:1.” Thumbs up.

It’s just rude in those kind of scenarios. I’d never do it in either case and struggle to understand anyone who would.

BlackCatShadow · 07/03/2021 11:06

Exactly what @Sandgrown1970 said. It's fine in some circumstances, but in some situations it can come across as rude or dismissive. No one is saying that it can't be used ever.

DavidsSchitt · 07/03/2021 11:10

On what platform? Facebook?

Original poster

EternalOptimist7 · 08/03/2021 09:09

Yes Facebook but I was mostly meaning on Messenger

OP posts:

LadyJaye · 08/03/2021 09:28

God, I use it all the time - Messenger/Teams /IM platforms in general are designed for quick, informal communications, I'd expect an email for anything more convoluted.

For example (and I appreciate there's a difference between the personal and the professional), I work with a guy who makes me spit tacks with his ridiculous long-winded Teams messages, full of business buzzword bullshit, and I am particularly grateful for the existence of the thumbs up in this instance.

The only reason I haven't stamped on it is because the alternative would be an email (internal emails which don't address blood, bullets or fire should be made illegal) or, even worse, a phone call. Life is too short.