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Original poster

Intrusive thoughts

560 replies

Mumtotwoxo · 03/03/2021 12:43

I have just had a baby 10 weeks ago. I was doing well apart from small panic attacks from my anxiety that I’ve suffered with for years. The other day out the blue I started having intense panic attacks where I can’t sleep and intrusive thoughts that are extremely scary and real. I feel like a bad mum. Has anyone suffered this too? Reached out to my gp and now referred to a MH nurse.

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HaHaVeryBunny · 06/03/2021 07:19

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@Gilead not great. Zopiclone worked for 3 hours last night then I was up again in a panic. Received better support today from the team leader MH nurse and she advised me to try the 2mg diazepam during the day but I took one and it made me worse. My head is aching and still having persistent severe panic attacks. Going to try another Zopiclone tonight but I just feel I'm going crazy and not going to get better x[/quote]
Hope the Zoplicone helped a bit better tonight. So glad you're getting in touch with the MH nurse, keep that up and let her know that the diazipam isn't working for you, they might change your meds to another one that can help with the panic attacks.
I know it feels like your going crazy but you're not, it's the awful OCD you're dealing with at the moment that’s making you feel that way, and feeling physically rubbish with the headaches too adds to that.

You are on your way to getting better and nearer to an appointment with a psychiatrist everyday. You will get through this X

Gilead · 06/03/2021 09:35

I promise it gets better. It really does. I know it’s so scary at the moment but honestly, one day you’ll be on an Internet forum reassuring someone that they’ll be fine . 💐

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 06/03/2021 10:13

@HaHaVeryBunny thank you for your support. I only got about an hour and a half on the sleeping tablet then I was back up. Every time I try to close my eyes I can't get myself to sleep. Going to explain this to the nurse when she gives me a call this morning. Did you feel like you got better as each day went on or is it like a rollercoaster? X

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Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 06/03/2021 10:14

@Gilead did you feel yourself pick up each day or was it up and down till your medication took an effect? X

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Gilead · 06/03/2021 10:19

I’m sorry, it was all down until one day , about three weeks in I realised I had coped with a whole morning. I would have been happy to have ten minutes in the early days.

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 06/03/2021 11:24

@Gilead are you on strong medication? I'm only on 1 20mg fluxotine a day just now x

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Gilead · 06/03/2021 12:40

That’s a starting dose, hopefully they will lol to increase in a couple of weeks.
I was on strong medication, I’m old though , it was before SSRI’s. I always swore though that if I saw someone going through what I went through I would do my best for them. One of the biggest reliefs for me was knowing it wasn’t just me. 💐

Gilead · 06/03/2021 12:40

Look to increase!

HaHaVeryBunny · 06/03/2021 12:46

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@HaHaVeryBunny thank you for your support. I only got about an hour and a half on the sleeping tablet then I was back up. Every time I try to close my eyes I can't get myself to sleep. Going to explain this to the nurse when she gives me a call this morning. Did you feel like you got better as each day went on or is it like a rollercoaster? X[/quote]
A rollercoaster, some days doing really well and somedays not so great.
I used to keep a diary of how l was doing, so on a bad day l could look back and think, well the last few days were good and l will get back to that frame of mind again even if l'm having a rubbish one today. Believe me the good days will start to out number the bad days as time goes on and you will get back to yourself.X

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 06/03/2021 12:58

@Gilead are you on SSRI's now? Fluxotine worked for me before but my panic attacks were never this severe and the thoughts never came with it either so it is a possibility I'll have to be put up to 2 tabs a day. It's just right now I'm constantly living with fear feeling and avoiding all things that used to make me calm x

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Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 06/03/2021 12:59

@HaHaVeryBunny I might start a diary. I wrote out a letter of every thought and feeling I had and when it started for when the MH nurses first visited. I'm no good at distraction but it always seems to get more severe at night time x

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HaHaVeryBunny · 06/03/2021 13:14

[quote Mumtotwoxo]@HaHaVeryBunny I might start a diary. I wrote out a letter of every thought and feeling I had and when it started for when the MH nurses first visited. I'm no good at distraction but it always seems to get more severe at night time x[/quote]
Yes night time can be tough, particularly if you're not looking forward to sleep as it's interrupted. Do you think you could ask your MH nurse to increase your Zoplicone by 1/2 a tablet and see how you get on.
You have it coming at you from all sides at the moment, PND, OCD and insomnia, plus the awfulness of Covid we've had to deal with.
You're doing fantastic just to get through the day and keeping in touch with the MH nurse. Some people understandably find even that too hard.

I personally found the diary helpful as it was these small victories l could look back on, maybe not having as many intrusive thoughts that day or sleeping better meant so much. You start to see the old you coming back, the you that was there all along but was being clouded by OCD.X

Gilead · 06/03/2021 15:12

@Mumtotwoxo, I haven’t been on meds for years, my youngest are 24.
I was always worse at night too, it’s common.

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 06/03/2021 19:04

@HaHaVeryBunny as soon as it passes avoid 5pm that's when my anxiety really starts to kick in. I'm not sure what they will do in regards to tablets. Every night I've took one I've panicked I take a panic attack whilst it's kicking in x

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HaHaVeryBunny · 07/03/2021 10:04

@Mumoftwoxo you mentioned you were on fluxotine at the moment and that it was 20mg, when you next talk to your MH nurse perhaps ask for an increase, these meds do work for panic attacks/anixety, not overnight, but they do work and you will see an improvement the longer you are on them. X

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 07/03/2021 14:36

@HaHaVeryBunny yes that's right, I've spoke to the nurse this morning and she's going to wait a couple weeks to see if I'll get better just on the one dose before increasing it. I'm just worried because she's discussed getting a prescription short term to help the panic and thoughts but I'm sure these can be addictive x

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HaHaVeryBunny · 07/03/2021 17:43

@Mumoftwoxo yes they can be additive, that is why they are only used short term, until the fluoxtine kicks in and you start getting back to yourself, so glad you're getting help from the MH nurse too they will be making sure you're getting the best help for you.X

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 07/03/2021 20:23

QUICK QUESTION - has any of you ladies ever felt the urge to do what your mind is telling you I.e kill yourself? What is the likelihood of you trying when suffering from this horrible illness?

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Gilead · 07/03/2021 20:26

@Mumtotwoxo, it really is just an irrational thought. You won’t do it lovely, nor will you hurt anyone else. It’s awful but it will pass. Keep talking to us, and don’t forget you should have a crisis team number too.

BCBG · 07/03/2021 20:36

@Mumtotwoxo quick answer but I really feel the need to reassure you. This happened to me - your posts could be my posts - but I am THIRTY years on from where you are with four children safely grown up. This will pass. Hormones, stress, lack of sleep etc fried my brain. I developed OCD overnight, had constant intrusive thoughts and panic attacks, felt I was going mad and would harm myself, etc etc. None of it happened. I need to say that again. None of it happened. Shit as it felt to go through it - and I'm not going to lie, it was about 18 months on and off - it went in the end. PP have said the same. This is not unusual, you are not mad, you are safe but under stress. Keep talking and keep listening to the help that is out there - and one day you will be where I am now, reaching out to another young mum who thinks she's going mad. Lots of love x

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 07/03/2021 21:28

@Gilead thank you. This thread has made the worst of my thoughts seem more dull and unreal. It's the most strongest thought in my mind and it's hard to remove it, during the day I seem ok but as soon as it passes tea time it goes into overdrive and I want to rip my head out and go to a&e that's how bad and scared it makes me feel. Lucky I am safe with my mother in the house but it doesn't feel that way in my mind x

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Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 07/03/2021 21:30

@BCBG did you end up fearing the shops, driving etc? I struggle even looking at social media right now or sitting on the couch a certain way! (I sound mad) thank you for the support in that message. Do you ever have reoccurring thoughts or does it eventually go away in time? My head is in the scariest place right now and I'm at a complete loss when I should be enjoying my new baby. X

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Ty36 · 07/03/2021 21:59

I started with intrusive thoughts and panic attacks when my baby was six weeks old and they got worse over the weeks so I got help. I had mental health nurses coming to my house everyday and it was a really horrible and scary time. I tried a few medications and they weren’t right for me, then they put me on mirtazapine and I could finally just sleep. I was on them for 6 months but I felt I could have come off them after 3-4 months. I really hope you find what works for you

Gilead · 07/03/2021 22:24

Hope you get some rest tonight. Keep looking at this and reminding yourself how far down the line we all are. You too will get there, and as others have said, one day you will be supporting someone. 💐

Original poster
Mumtotwoxo · 08/03/2021 10:25

@Ty36 thank you for sharing. What were your intrusive thoughts? Where you scared incase you acted on them? Where they strong in your head that you just felt you couldn't focus on anything else? X

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