If your mum was a SAHM, are you one too?

[user2021]

And vice versa, so if your mum worked out of the home, did you follow in her footsteps or did you become a SAHM?

My mum (a primary teacher) worked ft before kids, was a sahm when we all arrived and went back ft when I was about 10 or 11. I worked ft, then was a sahm for 12 years and then got a job in a school to fit around my DC. So we pretty much followed the same pattern.

My mum was a SAHM. She heavily relied on relationships and partners for financial support and never seemed fully independent.

I work full time and have never considered being a SAHP. DH dropped to part time when DS was a baby but that was his choice and he didn’t have to.

No way would I ever be a SAHM.

My mother was a SAHM until I was 13. That year my father left us and we went from a large detached to a council house. Times were so desperate that my grandparents had to bring us food. It took my mother a very long time to get back on track. I'm very proud to say that she now outearns my father and bought her own home last year. But it was a very long road, especially with six kids in tow.

I work full-time, even after having DD. My husband works part-time shifts so DD isn't in childcare that much.

My mum was a SAHM until we started school and then worked part time so she could do the school runs etc. I worked PT after my daughter was born as it seemed like a good balance for my mum.

My mum was a high flying surgeon, rarely home.. medicine was her life.I did follow her footsteps and enrolled into med... something in me was never happy... dropped out of med school, abs became stay at home mum.. I really lost myself for 8 yrs until kids were in full time education.. I now work from home and have my own business. Although I sometimes find it hard full time working from home, but I’m there for school pick up and drop offs. And to put them to bed every night. However, I’m pushing my girls to follow career... as I think once they have a career they can work part time- best of both worlds

DM was a SAHM due to caring for a disabled child for many years. She did work nights years before I was born. By the time I was born, she'd been out of the workplace for a very long time and there was no financial need to RTW.

I am a SAHM. I've had a professional career, I worked P/T & F/T when the DCs were in nursery but it became harder when DS1 went to school. He hated wrap around care, and it was a tough year stretched thin working F/T, DH often travelling and out of the country and no back up. One afternoon, when DS's class was hit by strike action, I ended up teaching with DS stood inside my dress as there was nothing else I could do with him that day. When that contract ended, I initially aimed to wait until DS2 waa in school, but it began to become more apparent that DS1 has SENs. So I intend to be a SAHM for a few more years until he's settled innsecondary and DS2 no longer needs wrap around care.

I volunteer in relevant roles, and it's a relatively straightforward career to return to.

Yes sahm, my mum, me and Dd

@Housebuyer2020

My mum was a high flying surgeon, rarely home.. medicine was her life.I did follow her footsteps and enrolled into med... something in me was never happy... dropped out of med school, abs became stay at home mum.. I really lost myself for 8 yrs until kids were in full time education.. I now work from home and have my own business. Although I sometimes find it hard full time working from home, but I’m there for school pick up and drop offs. And to put them to bed every night. However, I’m pushing my girls to follow career... as I think once they have a career they can work part time- best of both worlds

Gosh that must’ve been tough

No.

DM gave up nursing and was a SAHM to 6. Never went back to work in the end.

I am ft wohm to 1, now a teen.

In both cases, there was no immediate family support locally. But DJ lived abroad when I was born and then rurally once we came back - where there was little or no formal childcare available and when it was expected that mothers would not work. (The marriage bar had only just been abolished in the civil service at that stage, for example).

Whereas I live in the suburbs of the city and have ample childcare options, as well as being part of a generation who generally DO expect to go back to work after marriage and babies.

I have always worked full time as did DM, DMil, DSis and DSil - all females in both mine and DH’s have worked full time.
I don’t know anyone within my friendship group who doesn’t work full time.

I’m self employed and work at home, same as both my parents. Both siblings are also S.E in the same line of work as parents too - we’re clearly not very original!

However I’m a single mum and my parents were happily married until they died so at some point I may have to get a job outside of the house as it’s tricky being the sole earner and not having a regular income.

I never saw my parents except for weekends when I was growing up. We would have a nanny wake us up and put us to bed during the week as they worked such long hours. I'm a SAHM now. I lost my firstborn due to foetal abnormalities and I think that made a difference to how I felt (I'd been planning to return to work when pregnant with her) When I went on to have more children, I just couldn't face leaving them.

My mum started a family at 24, had four kids and was obsessed with "using her brain". As a result she embarked on two university degrees and became a writer and business woman. I associate her working life with her perpetual dissatisfaction, nay depression, with motherhood, and her lack of time, picking us up late etc, frazzled, irritated. I vowed that I wouldn't make my children feel a poor alternative to a career. She had no financial need to work but impressed on us the importance of working hard. Which spectacularly backfired.
I think if you invest your time in your children it doesn't really matter whether you are working or stay at home, but it is terrible mistake to make your children feel they are secondary to your important "job". I'm busy is a bit of trigger word to me.

My mum was a SAHM and then didn't try and get a job when we were full time at school.

There's no way I'm willing to be financially dependent - just not fair on DH.

Y mum was a SAHM, I work full time. I always thought being a SAHM would leave me feeling unfulfilled but now I wish I had been one.

I'm being a bit harsh, my mother was devoted and unselfish in many ways, it is just that self esteem is built not by copying the actions of others, but by engaging with someone who VALUES the time they spend with you. If a parent regard time with young children as in some way, of a lesser value than the time spent doing something else, the children pick up on it

Mine was a sahm, until I was 19. I’ve always worked ft. Mum is amazing, it’s just a different world now. I love my job.

@PrawnofthePatriarchy That is fantastic, & rare

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

Apologies - I should have been clearer - I was referring to your friendship circle with women who have made diverse life choices & who respect each other. I have something similar & it's very valuable.

My mum was a SAHM, she had our days filled with fun, educational things for us to do, she ran the days like a bloomin nursery, it was great.

She was there to drop us off, pick us up, all our holidays it was lovely.

I wanted that for my kids, i had a great childhood with our mum.

Of course you can plan to be a SAHM, you marry someone with the same values as you and try to get yourself in the position for it be possible, obviously its not straight forward or even possible for everyone and some dont want to which is also fine.

Respecting others choices is key, and respecting the fact we have that choice. Not be offended by others reasons for their choices, its not a dig at your choices, just reasons for theirs.

My mum drilled into us a good work ethic, my nan worked off and on and always taught us to have our bus fare home (money to just leave and get rent money saved), my MIL worked, and my FILs mum worked, so surrounded by strong women who chose to take time out with their kids and then back to work when kids are older. Great strong women who made great choices, for them.

Im also surrounded by friends who have made different choices, we respect eachothers choices, im not sure its that rare, i meet alot of people who have friends in many different circumstances

I was while the dc were little and went part time when they started school.
I'm now FT but teach so here for the hols and mainly after school too.

My mum did exactly the same - she worked in a school but in the office and it meant she could drop me off, pick me up and be home for the hols.

She was and I am.

I always wished that my mother hasn’t been a SAHM but that was mainly because she’d given up a good job as a teacher to do so whereas my father was paid very little and we always struggled for money and never had the things that my friends had. So I guess I wanted one stay at home parent but the other one. It wasn’t the dine thing then though (1970s),

I enjoyed being a SAHM parent when my children were little but now I really wish I wasn’t, but I’m unemployable and the rest of the family want me to be a SAHM.

Apologies for many typos 😬

My mum was a SAHM till I was 13. I she studied during my teens and watching her study and seeing the lift she got from that and then her career really made a mark on me. I never felt she was less of a mother because she was working hard.

I went back to work when DS was 7months. I would have liked to take a longer leave but found the job I knew would allow me the flexibility to balance family and my career. I am so glad I took it. I am able to work around school hours so I am always there for drop off and pick up , and then I do the rest of my work in the evening.