Page 8 | If your mum was a SAHM, are you one too?

user2021 · 2021-02-18T11:33:25+00:00

And vice versa, so if your mum worked out of the home, did you follow in her footsteps or did you become a SAHM?

gigity · 18/02/2021 19:03

And yes there are those who can't because of money, who would love to who can't

Equally there are mothers who cannot afford to work because of childcare costs/inflexible partner but would like too. One choice isn't more valid then the other but at least some of us have choices.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 18/02/2021 19:17

My mother was a SAHM
She told me that women working outside the home were what caused most of the things that were wrong with society
She told me I should bring up my own children
She never supported me career wise
I work full time and have done since DC4 was 7
I have always WOH
I no longer have any contact with my mum
I was a bitter disappointment to her
I am phenomenally proud of my life and my children

bigbird1969 · 18/02/2021 19:17

For those who have inflexible partners i truly hope your married, or if you have a mortgage your name is on it and you havent left yourself vulnerable financially in the event your separate.

Divebar2021 · 18/02/2021 19:37

I don’t really know how you plan to be a SAHP.... surely that’s dependent on you meeting a partner who earns enough and thinks that’s a good idea. Would you dump a guy / woman if they didn’t earn enough?

riotlady · 18/02/2021 19:37

My mum (and dad) worked in finance, long hours. I had a nanny before I was in school and then was always the first to arrive at breakfast club and one of the last to leave after school club, then stuck in whatever activities were available for all the school holidays. It was exhausting (particularly because I’m an introvert) and boring.

I enjoy working but have chosen a career path where working part time is reasonably common and will be looking for part time hours when I graduate. My partner works part time as well so I feel like we have a pretty equal load.

Strokethefurrywall · 18/02/2021 19:40

My mum was a SAHP until my younger brother was around 7/8 years and then she worked PT.

I'm not a SAHP.

crystalcherry87 · 18/02/2021 19:42

My mum wasn't a sahm but I am. She worked very hard juggling different jobs in care homes and cleaning for minimum wage. I worked up until I had my second child and I now have 4 kids, one with a disability so it makes sense for me to stay home. My mum says she wouldn't have worked if the benefits that are available now were back then. We manage on my husband's wage and tax credits.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 18/02/2021 19:45

I'm not now, but I was when my boys were wee... Likewise mummy stayed at home until DB started school and then went back to teaching

springdale1 · 18/02/2021 19:46

My mum was a SAHM and I never wanted to follow in her footsteps. Married as teenagers so never worked. She left my dad when we were teenagers and was screwed basically. Had to start from the bottom, go to uni in her 30s while doing care work to support herself.

I was determined to be nothing like her and make sure I had good qualifications before I had children.

MonsterMunchPaws · 18/02/2021 19:46

My mum only ever worked very very part time as my dad was in the forces and we travelled a lot but I’m a career person although I do love being at home too.

troppibambini6 · 18/02/2021 19:52

I was brought up my mum, an only child and she worked full time and pretty long hours.
I'm a sahm and have 4 kids plus 2 step kids.

AlwaysLatte · 18/02/2021 19:56

My mum was always there - going back to work part time when we were at school - and I didn't want to miss a minute of my kids growing up either so I'm a SAHM too.

Smellybluecheese · 18/02/2021 20:01

My mum was a SAHM until my younger sister started secondary school. I always swore I would work like my dad. I went back to work full time after maternity leave, but with flexible hours so I looked after her one day a week. My husband did the same, so she was at nursery for 3 days only. Now we are both working from home flexibly so
we have ditched the childminder and do half of the school runs each.

Pluas · 18/02/2021 20:01

I have deliberately made a life as unlike my mother’s as possible. I’m very fond of her, but have never even contemplated being someone for whom a meaningful, enjoyable profession was not a central component of life. She’s in her mid-70s now, and has never had a job since the age of 21, has never had a bank account, had access to her own money, and it has warped her.

AubergineDream · 18/02/2021 20:07

My Mum was self employed and worked part time hours, and so am I. She was also a single parent for a while, and I am a single parent now. She started working F/T when me and my siblings were late primary/high school age. I will probably go F/T sooner than that for financial reasons.

crystalcherry87 · 18/02/2021 20:11

@springdale1

My mum was a SAHM and I never wanted to follow in her footsteps. Married as teenagers so never worked. She left my dad when we were teenagers and was screwed basically. Had to start from the bottom, go to uni in her 30s while doing care work to support herself.

I was determined to be nothing like her and make sure I had good qualifications before I had children.

If you hadn't been academic, would you have not had children?

Daisychainsandglitter · 18/02/2021 20:11

Definitely not- my mum was a stay at home mum. I work full time and struggled with the monotony of mat leave.
My mum never worked and had 6 children- again definitely not for me! We are very different people.

ScepticalBandicoot · 18/02/2021 20:14

I don’t really know how you plan to be a SAHP.... surely that’s dependent on you meeting a partner who earns enough and thinks that’s a good idea. Would you dump a guy / woman if they didn’t earn enough?

Presumably someone who felt that strongly about wanting to be a SAHP wouldn't feel they were compatible with someone else who didn't want to or couldn't support that, in much the same way that they wouldn't feel compatible with someone who didn't want to or couldn't have DC in the first place.

Clearly life can take an unexpected turn and such a person might discover after marriage (or equivalent level of commitment) that their spouse can't have children after all, or suffers a drastic change in financial circumstances. That's life. But if the life you really want involves marriage, children and to be a SAHM (even just for a while) then it would be foolish to enter into a relationship with someone who has made it extremely clear that they don't want the same things.

I do think though that even if being a SAHM is all you want in life, it is a good idea to have some kind of work and educational foundation to fall back on if things go wrong, or in case you never do end up meeting the right person.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 18/02/2021 20:21

My mother was the only one of her friends with a career when I was a child back in the 70s. She was a medical social worker. She worked part time and was home when we got home from school.

My career was very important to me. I went back full time after maternity leave and then went back just a few weeks after the birth of my second DC. My DH stopped working as soon as we could afford it and became a SAHF. I loved my job, he hated his and mine paid a lot better.

Then he got cancer and died prematurely. I had built my own company by then and kept us all from an office in the garden. I had the flexibility to be there when they got home from school and make up the time once they were asleep.

My sons, who are young adults now, say they feel that it was a good example to them first of parents working as an equal team and later on of my work ethic and independence. DS2 loves small children and thinks he'd love to be a SAHF.

jennymac31 · 18/02/2021 20:26

Apart from the occasional bits of piecemeal work at home, my mum was a SAHM until I was 8 (my brothers were 13 and 17 by the time my mum returned to employment). She initially did full time work but quickly dropped down to part-time hours, as I don't think she liked the work.

I, on the other hand, have always worked full-time and returned to full-time roles after both periods of maternity leave. I saw how my mum was (and still is) so dependent on my dad's income and he likes to remind her of that fact. I knew I'd never want to be in that position, if I could help it.

Despite working full-time, I've managed to attend my kids nativity plays, sports days, performances etc as I really wanted to make sure I was there. My mum and dad rarely attended these things, as they didn't think they needed to attend these things.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 18/02/2021 20:29

I have a group of friends I've known since our DC started primary school almost 20 years ago. One of the reasons our friendship has endured is that despite the fact that we all chose different paths - from complete SAHM to total career woman with every permutation between - from the start we all respected each other's choices. No judgment. Sadly that can be rare.

Sceptre86 · 18/02/2021 20:32

My mum was a sahm, I have a career but work part time. When my youngest sister left the nest my mum struggled as she had nothing to fill her day with. She started volunteering and then got a part time job. I am proud of everything she has done for me but even prouder that she took the initiative to change her own life for the better.

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 18/02/2021 20:33

@Divebar2021 we can afford for either of us to be a SAHP but neither of us wanted to

Kenworthington · 18/02/2021 20:35

My mum was a sahm and I, for the most part was also one with my dc.

TwirpingBird · 18/02/2021 20:38

My mom gave up her accounting job to be a SAHM and childminder. She retrained as a care assistant in a care home when her youngest was 16. She was a lollipop lady for a while too.

I am a teacher with a masters degree and 2 kids. My sister is an oncology nurse. She always encouraged us to strive for a career.

If your mum was a SAHM, are you one too?

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