If your mum was a SAHM, are you one too?

[user2021]

And vice versa, so if your mum worked out of the home, did you follow in her footsteps or did you become a SAHM?

@LarsErickssong

My mum was a childminder so worked but from home with me there, she's made it very clear over the years when various family members have had children and gone back to work that she doesn't approve of women working out of the home once they have children, I don't have DC yet but she'll be in for a shock as I very much doubt I will be able to afford to be a SAHM (will hopefully be able to take reduced/condensed hours though).

How very odd that your DM’s job specifically facilitated other women to do something she didn’t approve of!

My mum was a SAHM mum until we were at school, she got a job at the school we went to.
I have worked the whole time so definitely different.
My mum says she didn't have the option to go part time but would have considered it if it was an option.

Mine stayed home, I've always worked because as a child there was never any money for stuff. Used to live on plain pasta or jacket spuds for weeks on end. I don't want my child having to miss out on school trips or being able to go into town with her friends. I used to make up excuses about why I couldn't ever go. It embarrassed me because it was all the time and when your 14 and your mates are going on about the 100 plus birthday/Christmas money they had and asked what you got. I could never tell them I didn't get any money.
The worst thing, I wasn't even allowed a Saturday job.
I enjoy working anyway, I couldn't not work.

Not just that, women were expected to give up work on marriage, or having children. So no need for mat leave.

Yes you're right, I remember asking my mum why she gave up work & she just said it's just what happened & what people expected you.

DM worked full time until I was in my teens, then worked term time only until I left school.

I hated it, mostly because we lived in an area of predominantly SAHMs. I was a difficult child, and an easy teenager. DM has never seen the correlation and still refuses to.

I am a SAHM, for now. It's not what I want forever though, and my eldest DS was a nightmare child and is an easier teen. I think this is mostly personality rather than SAHM/WOHM related. He would have been difficult regardless, and I just didn't suit having a full time working parent. I am an only child and was lonely tbh.

My Mum was a SAHM until my high earning Dad walked out and left her high and dry. He paid CM but we had to downsize our house and her lifestyle changed considerably. In those days she didn't get any of his pension in the divorce so 30 years on she is scrimping her way through retirement - she owns her home but the money is tied up - while he retired early and flits around enjoying expensive hobbies. After he left she had to work but could only take low paid part time hours around us children.

I have a good career and work four days/week same as my husband. I'm building up my own security and pension. I trust in my marriage as much as its ever possible to but hell would freeze over before I left my financial security down to someone else who could take it away in a flash.

However, I work as flexibly as possible and won't go full time because I look back and it was good to be collected from school every day by a parent. We will strive for my children to have the same, but it will be one of us not just me. We plan to both work four days across five when both children are in school, enabling us to avoid after school care where possible.

In my mind it's a fine balance between being there for children and maintaining independent security. And the best way for that balance to be struck is by both parents stepping up when it comes to childcare.

To add to my previous post, my mother returned to work when I was about 11 or 12. She absolutely blossomed. After a few low-paying jobs, she eventually moved on to a career doing something she loved.

I suppose her example was instructive to me. I certainly never wanted to be a SAHM, and I was determined to pursue a profession that I enjoyed. In hindsight, I'm convinced that my mother would have been much happier if she hadn't taken that long break from working.

Incidentally, both of my grandmothers worked outside the home.

My DM always worked, sometimes multiple jobs, out of necessity of being a single parent.

I am a SAHM/housewife and plan to be throughout DD's childhood (she's only 14 months) as that's what works for us. I was a housewife for 4 months before I became pregnant

Mine was and I assumed I'd be, but I really need/want to work. It gives me a lot back mentally.

Also now seeing my mum single, approaching retirement age, jobless, struggling financially and now unable to get hired due to age/lack of experience and skills is scary. I don't want to end up in that position.

My mum always worked, both me and my sister are SAHM.

I admit to struggljng to understand why any mother wouldn't want to spend those precious initial years with their children...

But it's perfectly fine for any father to work? It's just the mothers who ought to be at home?

My mum was a SAHM, I'm not and don't ever want to be. In fact the idea makes me feel quite panicky.

I appreciated her being around when I was little, of course, but I think she wasted her skills and intelligence and she would have had a happier and more fulfilled life if she'd carried on working.

My mum was, I am not.

I've always been interested in this. I've noticed amongst peers that it is often (although not always) the case that women who's mothers worked FT, work less when they have their own children and women who's mothers were at home, work more. This is often explained by 'I wanted to be at home more for my children than my mum was' and 'I am more ambitious than my mother and want my children to see that women can achieve too' (generalising and paraphrasing here, obviously).

For my own part, my mum was the main earner and was out of the house from 6 until 8 to commute to her job. I work part time and term time only, hoping to strike the elusive perfect sweet spot of being a good mum and achieving professional satisfaction. I'm not sure I'm succeeding .

I had no idea maternity leave was so recent! Just looked it up!

My mum was a SAHM then worked very part time when I was school age - as a dinner lady, then in a pub kitchen when I was a teenager.
I work full time and always have done apart from job sharing for a year when ds1 was tiny. Mum found it a bit odd and was slightly disappointed in me I think but then she always wanted to be a teacher (which I am) and never realised her ambition for all sorts of reasons - poverty being the main one.

I admit to struggljng to understand why any mother wouldn't want to spend those precious initial years with their children...

I hate this attitude. I’ve been a sahm mum for 10 years and I love it but it really isn’t a struggle to see that it isn’t for everyone 🙄

My mum was always a SAHM , she supported my Dad in his business

I always felt she wanted more, and over focussed on her kids( there are 5 of us) . She always presented being at home as her only option .
I become a totally lone parent when my kids were tiny and have brought them up myself ( now late teens) . I have always worked I'm a teacher ( HT) and have managed to mostly balance it all. Glad now I'm mid 40s and both my kids plan to leave home this year , so I have something that's just mine. My mum had actually been the biggest advocate of me working and having a career .

I admit to struggljng to understand why any mother wouldn't want to spend those precious initial years with their children... As I see the absolute benefits

My children see the absolute benefits of having a roof over their head. Plus everything else they would ever need. Yes I know, the horror of even mentioning money, but I have found that it's quite challenging to raise children on fresh air and mother's love alone..

I admit to struggljng to understand why any mother wouldn't want to spend those precious initial years with their children...

do you struggle to understand why fathers don't?
Plus surely it's a fairly modern phenomenon to spend so much time with your dc regardless if you work or not? My gran never worked but she had 7 dc, no washing machine, microwave, dishwasher, drier, freezer etc she didn't have time to do what I do with my dc.

My mum was sahm because she couldn't hold a job because of her nerves. I guess these days she would have a diagnosis. I have diagnosis and won't work.

I was a SAHM until they started school, now I work full time. If I wasn’t the main wage earner, I’d like to be part time (even 30 hours would be nice).

Mine didn’t work and it affected lots of areas of childhood so I’ve always worked.

She did both, stayed at home until we started school then worked.
I've done the same and it's worked for us.

My mum wasn't a sahm, I am a sahm.