Would you consider a 3rd child if you lived in a 2 bed house?

[Onedropbeat]

You live in a 2 bed house. It’s fine as it is but will be a squeeze even with the two children when they grow up.
DH and I ideally wanted a 3rd. I’m late 30’s

There’s no chance of us affording anything bigger anytime soon due to the way house prices have increased in our area. We have solidly been priced out just in the last year because of people relocating but wanting to still be accessible to London

Pre Covid we thought that our salaries would continue increasing at the rate they had been and we’d be able to afford the next rung on our tiny ladder

We can’t really now. Wages have dropped rather than increasing and obviously won’t be increasing again for a long while if at all now

Would you have a much desired 3rd in the circumstances or just suck it up to Covid

I would - save and build into the loft or add a side extension if you can when the baby is older. Maybe consider swapping the bedrooms in the meantime so the children have the larger one and can have a single plus bunks?

For so many reasons including the lack of space and the environmental impact, no. But mostly just because once the DC outnumber you, they have won! Stick with two!

I used to think of it as having one hand for each crossing a busy road.

@AlwaysLatte

For so many reasons including the lack of space and the environmental impact, no. But mostly just because once the DC outnumber you, they have won! Stick with two! I used to think of it as having one hand for each crossing a busy road.

This is quite good advise

@Onedropbeat

The downstairs is huge surprisingly. Lounge, dining room, kitchen with a second dining table. It’s previously been extended so the living area is great.

Just the bedrooms.

I guess we could move further out but my parents are elderly and require our help for so many things. I’d feel bad moving away from them whilst they rely on us.

The affordability is a weird thing. We have plenty of disposable money each month. Enough that we can save £1000 each month, but on paper our affordability doesn’t stretch to another £140k required to borrow for the next rung up the ladder

If you have a dining room and also a kitchen diner then you have plenty of room to use the dining room as a bedroom, then, surely?

Another point I’d make is what will the children see at their friends houses ? From what you describe, you live in a very affluent area and therefore it is likely your neighbours kids will all have their own rooms in large houses.

I grew up with quite a privileged background and those families in small houses with kids sharing even 2 to a room would have been marked out as different (and probably ostracised for it) as awful as that sounds. No one I knew had to share a room and many had their own bedroom and a separate toy room/study.

However in other areas the living situation you’ve described would be the norm.

I’m not saying that everyone must be/do the same, but in addition to the numerous other disadvantages already mentioned, would you also be marking your kids out as different and making their lives harder by having another ? Might be another thing to consider.

Great that there is plenty of space downstairs :) I really wouldn't convert any of it to a bedroom though. That downstairs space will be invaluable with teens. Space for them to have friends round, play computer games, do school work etc while you still have space to relax as well. I would probably convert the dining room to a second sitting room at some point as you say you have a kitchen diner too. That way you can have a family sitting room with toys, consoles etc and a grown up sitting room too.

I personally wouldn’t and would only have considered having children if/ when I had enough space for them. I think children need their own room really. Stick with two and enjoy them!

If you are in affluent and commuteable and coveted area - could you rent out your priory and then rent a larger property?

Absolutely not. However it sounds a v wealthy area. I think moving out of that area would be the best thing as you're compromising so much for the area. You will still be able to drive to family etc.

Your house isn’t big enough for the children you already have! No you shouldn’t be considering cramming a third child in.

No. I have 2 kids in a 3 bed and it feels smaller the bigger they get. I have one teenager and a preteen and they both need their own space.

@AlwaysLatte

I would - save and build into the loft or add a side extension if you can when the baby is older. Maybe consider swapping the bedrooms in the meantime so the children have the larger one and can have a single plus bunks?

The one down side I had living in a tiny tiny house was space for homework, had to use the school library but your house at least offers some living space which would mitigate that.

From what you’ve described I bet you could move a bit, still be near enough to parents and have enough bedrooms. That’s what I’d be investigating. Either that or using the savings you’re accruing to extend upstairs.

My friend has 8 in a 4 bed !
2 of the 4 bedrooms are huge (fit 3 single beds and furniture in) so those 2 they have partly partitioned to give an older child space
And the other 2 rooms are doubles so it works the house is small downstairs weirdly though 1 reception room that’s not that big and a big kitchen and then downstairs loo it’s not a practical layout bit they seem to get on fine and are the happiest family I know

Use dining room as a bedroom? As you’ve got a table in your kitchen?

Personally if I couldn’t move then no I would not have 3 kids in one room.

Because I do have 3 kids in one room and not by choice and it’s awful. 15, 11 & almost 10 share a double room I’m in a tiny single and my eldest in a box room have been for 3 years in temp accommodation we came from a 4 bed semi which the landlord sold. So as a single parent getting another house big enough was impossible and anything smaller we were denied due to 4 kids. I couldn’t win. So stuck in limbo now. So no I wouldn’t do that intentionally to my kids.

Great that there is plenty of space downstairs :) I really wouldn't convert any of it to a bedroom though. That downstairs space will be invaluable with teens. Space for them to have friends round, play computer games, do school work etc while you still have space to relax as well. I would probably convert the dining room to a second sitting room at some point as you say you have a kitchen diner too. That way you can have a family sitting room with toys, consoles etc and a grown up sitting room too.
That's good advice too. We have a separate living room/den which has really come into its own now that DS13 has found his loud shouty voice while having with his friends!!

Gaming, not having!

I don't really get why some people on here think even having two in a two bed house is "wrong"...... it's only in recent years that it seems to be the thing that every child has its own room!

We have two in a two bed and it's fine, the second bedroom is big and can easily fit them and all their stuff in and it has two windows so we could split the room if we wanted - so surely it also depends on how big the two bedroom house is anyway - it can vary - ours is bigger than most three bed houses in terms of sq ft!

We are considering a third child but we wouldn't until we either extend our existing house or move to a bigger house

No, but I’m one of those unpopular people on MN who believes kids shouldn’t have to share bedrooms and parents shouldn’t have to sleep on a sofa in the living room.

I’ve been half assed considering a 3rd lately and even though I do have an extra bedroom it is a tiny single box room, I’d feel super guilty that one child is delegated to it while the others have big rooms with double beds and heaps of space.

Privileged, I know.

@PinkSpring sounds similar to ours
We have decent square footage and the 2 bedrooms are big doubles

I hadn’t thought about splitting it.

I think we will reconsider the loft conversion in a few years and hope we can afford to do it then but stick with 2 children so that this just solves the issue of them having their own bedroom each and forget about the third child as based on these replies we’d need a 4 bed and that’s even more out of reach

Could you make the two bedrooms into three or use the dining room as a bedroom?

I misread the post when I commented earlier. You have a 2 bed house not a 3 bed house. So your children already share a room? Then no you don't have space.

I wouldn't. What if #3 has autism or other special needs that make it very hard on the others. Even with all neurotypical kids 3 in a room will just be miserable when they get older and want a little space to themselves. I think you're wise to stop at 2.

No. You either have to change where you live or your income so you can afford three.
We can’t afford a second child so we only have one. We could’ve made lifestyle changes to have a second but we won’t, so we obviously don’t want it enough.

We live in an area full of wealthy bankers, lawyers, directors etc and we are mere creatives. Our earnings will never be enough here anymore

We've been those people! We stuck at 2 for all the ongoing financial commitment reasons - long-term we'd be compromising on an awful lot to bring up 3 x DC rather than 2, and things like being able to offer university in particular is important to me. We don't have the potential to suddenly become high earners, so we quit at 2, even though I'd imagined 3. You get over the hump of the wondering and longing and then you feel quite glad, in my experience. We have friends on no. 3 in a small house and no real good solution to the ages/stages/sexes of the DC and it just seems really stressful.