My DS1 is almost 8 and has always been a very sensitive child. Very easily hurt physically and emotionally. He can react very aggressively, verbally and sometimes physically too. I have seen two family support workers about him. He likes to be by himself when he is upset and they have said this is a fine coping strategy. But it has reached awful levels. it is not that he takes himself off to a room. He screams and shouts and insists others leave the room. He is now ruining play dates. He doesn't have friends his own age but does a few years younger. But today he fell when out with a friend. Just a normal trip on the pavement. No big deal. But for the rest of the 20 minute work home he kept screaming, 'DON'T LOOK AT ME!!' at his friend or his brother or his friend's mum, if they turned around in his direction. I had to walk metres behind the others so he could hide behind me, except to scream aggressively at them occasionally if they turned in his direction. He screams repeatedly at strangers, adults and children if he falls when out, 'STOP LOOKING! DON'T LOOK AT ME.' He ruined another playdate recently, simply would not calm down, he did take himself off to hide but did not calm down, every time his friend came to find him he would scream at him. After 30 mins his friend started crying as my son would not play with him and told his mum he wanted to go home so they did. This behaviour is ruining his, and consequently my, ability to make friends.
I have no idea what to do. I can't talk to him. He just screams at me to shut up. Even if I try later when he is calmer; only very, very occasionally can I manage to very briefly talk about a recent behaviour of his. I have tried talking about that film Outside In and how being sad makes others care for you, and that is what happens when he falls. I've tried being blunt and saying no-one will want to be your friend if you behave like that, so let me help you to find a way to respond differently. But nothing works. He's getting worse.
I am at the end of my tether. He gets a lot of time and attention and love and praise. But I am starting to find him increasingly hard to like when he is like this. I worry desperately about him, but his refusal to even try to help himself is hard to take. He has just told me that he knows himself better than me and he can't change and never will be able to.