Tell me about the worst boyfriend you ever had and why?

[whatsnewpussycat777]

Mine was a year younger in high school and kissed like a fcking hoover.

I got slagged for that for like forever.

So many awful boyfriends and husbands, I don’t know how I picked so badly. Current one is alright thank God.

I’m crying at the anemic fetus 😂😂😂😂

As a teenager I was seeing one guy who, while kissing, suddenly froze and sat up looking terrified, exclaiming, “oh no, oh no!” I asked him what was wrong and he said “errrrm.... boy’s secret!” I think he had his first boner 😂

Then there was the guy I caught sexting a friend of his, his excuse was she was Muslim and had no sexual experience but wanted some and he was helping her learn 🤔

The worst was a divorcee who, when we first got together, insisted on phoning his (abusive and unpleasant) ex wife every week because he felt ‘emotionally committed’ to her still. I dumped him but stupidly went back, things went very wrong and when it came to a head and I said he had a choice of either meeting my needs or me cutting him off forever, he simply said ‘I’m not going to do that’. In the bin he went. He also never cleaned his toilet and was almost 40 and unemployed having quit his job 2 years previously to try and become a film maker, all his applications to arts and media jobs got ignored or rejected but he kept insisting he was too good to consider anything that wasn’t his dream job. God knows what I was thinking!

Probably my most recent. Was only 6 months but it was tense and he was needy and controlling.
Didn't see it at the time but he threw a tantrum one night when I refused to cancel dinner plans with my friend to go see him.
Then he ghosted me when he didn't get what he wanted.

The tiny sausage made me howl 😂😂😂

When I was 15 I went on a date with a lad who was 19, I thought he was so cool because he had long hair and a six pack.

Anyway we went to a pizza place where he drank 2 bottles of house wine, ran out without paying, threw up in a phone box then tried to snog me straight after.

I stupidly went out with him for a few more weeks.

@Canitbemagic

I once had a boyfriend (university) who came in his pants every single time we kissed 😂😱. He was a devout Christian or his parents were - sex was out of the question. Go for a nice drink and one quick snog and he’d start to go ‘oh oh oh oh’ while kissing and then jerk and wet patch and then run back to his hall of residence. Happened morning noon and night. One I met him after a lecture and walking back I stroked his hand and he came in his pants. It actually makes me quite ill thinking about it now. His parents insisted I be dumped as I wasn’t Christian enough and they thought I was tempting him - I’m not surprised looking back as his mum was washing 10 pairs of boxers and trousers covered in Deneb each weekend. That’s grim thinking about it.

Dedicated to you @Canitbemagic

So, so many.

The devout Catholic who wouldn't sleep with me but shagged my flatmate.

The one who moved to New Zealand without telling me.

The one who was upset I earned more than him and so was convinced I'd slept with my boss.

An ex was quite violent (why the fuck I stayed I have no idea), anyway, I stupidly allowed him to move in for a month when he was between rentals due to his landlord actually being a tenant who was subletting. I was going to be away for most of the month otherwise I wouldn’t have let him.

Anyway after three days he was being a dick so I told him he would need to leave the next day but I would happily contribute towards an airbnb. He lost his shit and locked me out of the flat, after about an hour he let me back in and then started his usual kicking and punching. I had never retaliated before but I just lost it and went for him, I’m a lot bigger and stronger than him, so if I wanted to I could have caused a lot of damage. Thankfully my son was at his Aunts that weekend.

Next door called the police and he was arrested after he was a violent wanker in front of them. I went to his new flat a few days later to drop off his stuff, thats where I discovered he’d been having an affair for six months, the other person was genuinely shocked so refused to take any of his stuff so I just dumped it outside the flat.

His parents were lovely but they clearly covered from him as after it happened they called me and it became clear he had done this several times before.

The worst part is that he is a teacher and a SENDCo.

Worst ever. Few months into the relationship turned out he was probe to psychotic episodes. Stayed with him until he confessed to murdering someone and threatened to kill me. I had to leave the country as these became credible threats.

Second, Walter Mitty type character from a wealthy family. We were getting married, buying a house everything. Then when I became pregnant he confessed that he wasn't working and didn't have a business. He lived off me for a few years until I left.

Funnily enough I've been single since....

I physically shuddered reading about anaemic foetus bumming guy. Brrrrrrrr.

I put up with a bit of the ‘crap sex-shite personality’ combo in my youth, too. Including the guy who only wanted sex in front of a massive mirror in his flat and talked to his own reflection while it was going on. ‘Go harder! Give it to her! Looking good!’ etc. I was so shocked and wanted to laugh so badly I just sort of froze in horror and pretended to bury my face in the bed to another hysterical laughter / screaming out loud with the cringey nature of it.

It was a one time only event, I can assure you, but the twat had the cheek to text me a few days later (when I hadn’t contacted him and had no intention of seeing him ever again) to tell me he didn’t think it was going to work out as I was a bit too skinny for his tastes. Oh do fuck off.

smother

All of them! Haha

They've all been horrendous and I stupidly let them off the hook for far more than I'd do now

I had one who used to put porn on the little TV in his room and watch it whilst wanking in front of me, then would flip me over and finish in me just at the end. Luckily I didn't stick around.

"Squealed", "im crying" - classic MN responses

@livefornaps

His cock was tiny like a chipolata and so he only liked to do it from behind, with me bent over a countertop and all I would hear was a sweaty and flaccid slap-slap-slap "UUUH, UUH-UUHHH!!!" and it would all be over in the same space of time that it took you to read that. Then he would whisper in my ear (he could barely reach my ear) "love to bum ya, baby". I should point out, we never did anal, he just liked to delude himself that he did. He would immediately flop out, it was always all too much for him, excitement-wise, so he would then pass out like anaemic fetus on the floor. I would have to prod him with my foot in order to revive him to get him to leave my fucking house - every time.

I'm picturing that scene in Harry Potter where Voldemort's soul is curled up, I saw the animatronic of it at the Studio.

My first ever serious boyfriend, who I lost my virginity to, was a proper dick. Actually told me he felt sorry for me and was only shagging me to do me a favour. Once he saw me get out the shower and he told me I made him feel sick and that he had to pretend I was someone else while he shagged me. He was very controlling and loved making me feel like I was lucky to be with him.

He had a tiny shrimp dick, never once made me cum, gave me no pleasure at all actually. He used to cum in about 3 minutes. I honestly can’t believe I stayed with him for 2 years.

You’ll be pleased to know, I massively upped my standards!

Ok THAT picture is funny!

The one who had been in prison and was pretty much bouncing from one sofa (or woman’s bed) to another for years on end in between being in prison. He had a personality disorder but was so persuasive and very charming. Made me feel like an absolute princess except when he let his mask slip. He liked drugs and was violent. Not to me but had with previous girlfriends and he did threaten me. I didn’t believe the other women until afterwards. When we split he made my life a misery until he found someone else to put his attention to. So many women in the 20 years since have thought they were the one to change him. He never will. He is still sofa surfing/bed hopping. Never had a place of his own and anyone that gives him somewhere to stay or gets into a relationship with him ends up regretting it.

I mean there was the proper abusive arsehole whose finest moment was punching me in the head and then the arsehole who wasn’t abusive until we actually split up whose finest moment was punching and breaking the window of the shop that I worked at. I was proper terrified then.
Then there was the weirdo who couldn’t actually talk to me because he got so nervous. Unless he’d had a few drinks then he was normal and could talk and whatever but when he was sober it was excruciating as I attempted to make one sided conversation while he visibly shook. That didn’t last long. promise I’m not that scary

His cock was tiny like a chipolata and so he only liked to do it from behind, with me bent over a countertop and all I would hear was a sweaty and flaccid slap-slap-slap "UUUH, UUH-UUHHH!!!" and it would all be over in the same space of time that it took you to read that. Then he would whisper in my ear (he could barely reach my ear) "love to bum ya, baby". I should point out, we never did anal, he just liked to delude himself that he did. He would immediately flop out, it was always all too much for him, excitement-wise, so he would then pass out like anaemic fetus on the floor. I would have to prod him with my foot in order to revive him to get him to leave my fucking house - every time.

Thank you for this - biggest laugh of the week!

Oh and mine was the one who stalked me on nights out with my friends, texted me on a night out to say he had had an accident and was in hospital (a complete lie) and then smashed my car windows when I dumped him.

He was another one who was shite in bed with a chipolata for a dick too!

Small dicks seem to be common here. Except my ex had an anaconda dick. That thing was massive. It was like a wall of flesh. Didnt stop him being any less of a twat though.

I was 16 he was 23! Violent Jobless, cheating whizz head! He fathered a child to a girl who was supposed to be my friend and everyone else knew. He stole money off me, beat me and tried to control every part of me.

He had a bigger build than I did. He used to squeeze into my clothes and tell me that we shouldn't fit the same size and I should lose some weight.

Oh dear there have been a few ranging from micro penis guy, sex toy bloke and the vanishing man . I look back now and laugh but at the time it wasn’t funny. My standards are way higher now oh well apart from the incident with my neighbour but that was caused by too much wine.

@LadyCounterblast your erotic literature comment made me howl.