Woke up and there was no milk. I lost the plot.

[steppemum]

Just that really.
Bit of a last straw moment.

Ds is 18, his gf is also living here during lockdown, they tend to come downstairs at 2 am and have meals.
Last night they had cereal, and used up all the milk.
Shopping arrived this morning at 10 am, so we just needed enough milk for my morning tea. I get up at 6:30. He usually surfaces at 10-11 am.

I was furious. I acknowledge unreasonably so. So at 8am I went up and told him to get up and go to the shop and buy milk. I might have shouted. He said no, calm down mum, it's only milk, which obviously made it much better
dd2 then got up and went ot the shop for milk, in order to restore calm!

not sure why I am posting really, just fed up of holding it all together, and the bloody selfishness of teenagers.

yes they do help around the house etc etc. as does dh.

Just -
lockdown
home schooling
no head space
no me time
no coffee with friends
bloody meals, just bloody meals and shopping, x 6 x 3 times a day (and I don't do all the cooking and they get their own breakfast etc, but still somehow it is such a production line)

rant over, thanks for listening.

It's not about the milk. It's about someone who you have lavished love and attention on for 18 years not realising that a) you really value that morning cuppa and b) it would be thoughtful not to use all the milk. You were more than justified to have a go.

Do have a word with your daughter though. While she was trying to diffuse the situation, that's not a good lesson for her that she needs to fix things by picking up her brother's slack.

@Raindough

I think it was mean of you to let your daughter go to the shop for milk when you had a delivery en route - it wasn’t her fault.

The exercise would have been good for her. And sometimes you should allow someone to be kind to you.

Posts like the OP’s really cheer me up.
Problem pointed out, next time he’ll think before snaffling the last of something without asking or replacing. Morning tea is essential.

Unlike the endless, whiney MN posts by adult women in a relationship with a thoughtless arse who eats everything, makes a mess and never tidies, expects wife work as a basic...so they just do the adulting.
This is how you help a child become a less ego-centric individual. What’s ok at 3 is not at 18, and I’m sure OP’s son will turn out fine.
With a few reminders.

There is only me here and I get mad at myself for using all the milk and forgetting to replace it. 😁

I don't annoy myself by making meals at 2am, that would get on my nerves

Teenagers need reminding sometimes of the importance of things and of social etiquette.

I think by 18 at least one of them should have had a little bit more thought towards other members of the household.

@changingmine "sanctimommy" made me hoot  I read that smug post with a very raised eyebrow I must say.

Op I definitely think you should do @Feedingthebirds1 idea, it's brilliant!

Chuck his girlfriend out for a start

When he complains say "calm down, it's just a girlfriend" :)

100% on your side with this OP.

@Snowwaiting

Cravendale is quite useful to keep at the top of the fridge as it lasts a couple of weeks unlike unfiltered milk and doesn’t taste different like UHT .. I write the date on the cap so I use it in date

I second this. Only I like filtered milk in our house and I'm on the only one who drinks skimmed so this is perfect.

Best of all is Tesco PURE, they only ever seem to have full fat and semi though. Skimmed is nectar, even better than Cravendale.

OP... Cravendale really does last and last. Send your son (and accompanying limpet) to the shops to stock up on it. As suggested by PP, it could be stored outside.

Well aren't you just princess perfect?

beat me to it.
Of course I don't make a habit of it.
But I tell you what, I am damn sure they won't use the last of the milk again.

We have had lots of little - "by the way darlings, could you please do xx or not do xx" in the last month. They mostly listen. As I said they are fundamentally pretty good. But occasionally I do have to be a bit clearer.

I am not going to throw gf out. Of course she was part of it, but on the other hand, I know she will be the one to make sure ds doesn't do it again.
And for those who are clutching their pearls at gf living here.
These are not normal times.
In normal times you wouldn't expect a gf to move in.
But then in normal times we are not insisting that teenagers do not meet or have contact with their gf or bf for months on end and stay at home with their parents.
This is actually working for both of them and for us.

Guess what?! Shock horror! Not every family is the same or make the same decisions.

It's ok op. That poster might not scream at her kids but she has no problem telling strangers on the internet to fuck off!

@BottleFlipper

At least he's going to have learnt a valuable historical lesson.

Never, in the field of human conflict, has saying "calm down" to someone had that effect.

This properly made me laugh out loud.

@steppemum

You know when I starte dthis thread, I really didn't think that the strange thing for all would be that he and his gf were eating cereal at 2 am.

Didn't any of you do that as teens?
My brothers and I were often up after our parents and making tea and toast at 2 am wouldn't have been strange. Granted that would have been school holidays not term time, but that is one of the weird things happening in lockdown, the lines are blurred.

I don't find teenagers up late a surprise at all. But then I also used to read my book until I had finished, sometimes 3 am!

Not if I'd wanted to live.

Might well be an age thing, but I wouldn't have been allowed.

And as I wasn't allowed a boyfriend in my bedroom at all (not even upright and fully clothed), having a live-in one wouldn't have even crossed my mind.

My own children raided the kitchen when they came in from clubbing. It never woke me up as I couldn't sleep till they were home anyway

Always have a carton or two of the LongLife stuff lurking in the pantry. Not my favourite but I was glad of it over the weekend when DS wanted porridge (the only thing keeping him alive at the minute 😐) and there was no “real milk”.

I feel for you. My entire family are not eating what they’d like this evening because frankly, I’ve a cupboard full of stuff and I’m not shopping and risking my lungs (and anyone else’s) for their “fancied” dinner.

@Brefugee

Didn't any of you do that as teens?

well, we had had social etiquette and not consuming the last of anything for a snack so no, it wouldn't have happened. But yeah, the amount of toast and butter we got through would have fed an army.

Even so - i would have made him get up and go to the shop as well as shouting. That really makes the lesson sit.

As for the "aww it was only a bit of milk" brigade: in 20 years when someone is writing about their fucking greedy fucker other half eating all the snacks and the kid's lunches - it will be your kids doing that because they never learned anything apart from putting themselves first . Own it.

I didn't mean FINISHING the milk. (my mum would have reacted as I did)

I meant doing things like making cereal and toast late at night?

Like that That1970shouse - We Also do the ice cube tray with milk - you can just put 2 milk ice cubes straight in your tea - it’s a good emergency fallback - my first cup of tea every day is essential

@TeeBee

Teenagers need reminding sometimes of the importance of things and of social etiquette. I can't imagine the stress my household would have if I screeched at people over a bit of milk...and I get the pain of no tea first thing. I certainly wouldn't be screaming at them in front of their partners. I hate people shouting at me so I try not to do it to them. And bloody hell, I get the midnight feasts...I have my two DS' doing it nightly. So many Weetabix-glued bowls.

But I really don't understand why you just wouldn't wait until he got up and say 'ohh, you buggers, you drank all the milk last night. Next time, could you just make sure you leave a bit for your poor old mum as I have to get up early and you know how much I need my morning brew.' In my house that would have resulted 'oh, sorry mum, never realised/forgot. Yeah sure'. They might forget the odd time but mostly they'd remember. I couldn't live with these dramatics.

We need some sort of 'register' of these DSs... so that we can steer our daughters/sons far, far away from them.

TeeBee if you like to be a doormat then please do. Please keep your DSs with you always.

You know when I started this thread, I really didn't think that the strange thing for all would be that he and his gf were eating cereal at 2 am.

How many of the responses are by parents of late-teen boys?
Mine is an excellent silent cook, and he washes up noiselessly too. Because waking up to a pile of dirty dishes because of a 2am stir fry or pasta is not a good start for me.

I really didn't think that the strange thing for all would be that he and his gf were eating cereal at 2 am.
That’s the thing with MN op. You have slightly different ways of living and people will go out of your way to tell you how you’re morally corrupting your children, you’re a shit parent, you’re a generally terrible person ruining society. It’s so weird that people can’t grasp that just because one situation wouldn’t work for them it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work for you.

At 18 my boyfriend at the time (we had been together since 15) moved in with us as his shithouse of an aunt who he lived with informed him, by text at 8pm the day before they were being evicted at 9am the next morning because she hadn’t been paying the rent. He lived with us for a year, but oh my god some of my friends parents or my dads friends comments about it were genuinely insane. In fact we were both barely in the house as he’s was working 60hr weeks, I was either in 6th form or working. We both contributed money and chores and in fact him living with me made me more tidy as I was a right slob and he wasn’t so I had to keep tidier, especially with all the extra stuff in the room.

If it was a few months later and he was at university living in dorms he would be sleeping on the same schedule and no one would bat an eye. It’s actually to do with the body and changing cycles. Teenagers melatonin is released later than a pre-pubescent child which means sleep signals don’t happen until later and it’s difficult for some to fall asleep at a normal time. If they’re doing their work, chores, contributing to food and not causing havoc during the night (milk quaffing aside) then their schedules are no ones business but theirs and yours. They’re probably doing more than most people’s teenagers would be and posters don’t like that

@ArmchairTraveller mine has asd and adhd. I don't believe stealth is part of his vocabulary. My middle one in the other hand is like you described. I've told my eldest never to go into a career as an international jewel thief!

When I was a kid (oldest of two sisters and not the preferred one) my sis used to do this exact thing. She would eat the last cake, biscuit or item and put the empty packet back in the cupboard or larder (no fridges back then). Then as soon as my parents were around she would ask if she could have a XXX and, on being given permission, start whinging that I had eaten the last one and put the empty packet back. Of course no one was going to take my word against that of the little princess, so I got a whalloping. Not for eating the last biscuit but for being "too lazy" to throw out the empty pack after having done so.

One day I carefully checked all the packets to see if she had worked her mean little trick. Then when she asked for permission to have a XX I reminded her loudly that she had eaten the last one the day before so I had thrown away the empty packet she left behind. That cured her of that sly little trick.

I'd buy a lockable box for the fridge, put milk in it and only allow myself and Dd access to the contents but then I'm petty like that

@sneakysnoopysniper 😱

Wow! You're assuming me not screaming at my children has turned them into uncaring, lazy fuckers...funnily enough me treating them well means they do the same to me. I treat them the way I want to be treated. I'm not saying you shouldn't point it out to them, I am questioning the necessity for screaming and shouting when a simple conversation was needed. That's how we roll in my house. We treat each other nicely.

Ohhh this would rile me too. I need that first cuppa.

Draw a marker pen line along the bottom inch of the milk. Everyone agrees, if they use that last bit up, they are responsible for buying more. Then and there.

You can't let this happen again!