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Original poster

Wondering what to do with baby

144 replies

larktreebird · 08/02/2021 03:28

Struggling with the days at present. Baby isn’t a napper, and staying at home with an increasingly fretful baby is hard.

How do others break the day up a bit?

OP posts:
IAmongstTheWorld · 12/02/2021 12:05

What's the temperature like in your house? Babies tend to be more chilled when it's cooler - particularly for nap/sleep times!

Original poster
larktreebird · 12/02/2021 12:08

Please don’t P. I’m really not depressed. Or if I am anyone would be on days like this!

Will look at turning down the heating, perhaps that will help.

OP posts:
Meowmeow20202 · 12/02/2021 12:09

Alot of baby groups etc are doing zoom sessions for example my local centre is doing bookbug and baby massage just now. I feel for you i used to go to groups to pass time and have another human to talk to Flowers

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ReggieKrait · 12/02/2021 13:37

Oh no sorry to hear this! Did you do anything differently with him on the good days?

He is still very very young so maybe he’s just slowly getting into his own routine, there might be ups and downs until he gets there. This is no practical help to you at all but I found both of mine really settled at 12 weeks and things were a hell of a lot easier.

You’ve got nothing to lose by giving the HV a call, you might be surprised. Mine was excellent this time round. If nothing else they are (usually) good for a hand hold.

If sensory stimulation seems to help I remember we had a “disco” flashing lightbulbs we used to use in the lounge for my first. She’d lie there for ages totally entranced. Would that be worth a try?

Original poster
larktreebird · 12/02/2021 13:44

Thanks reggie I’ll try that!

I got him to sleep in the sling and now he’s gurgling and laughing at some music. He’s such a lovely, lovely baby when he’s napped. It’s just actually getting him to nap that is the issue!

OP posts:
brokengate · 12/02/2021 13:46

8 week old here OP and a toddler. God.

This baby nowhere near as bad as first who was exactly like your Ds. Cranial osteopath eventually helped.

Dd two has silent reflux or colic and this week has been better. Not sure how you are feeding but I'm combination and am now doing gaviscon when BF and comfort milk top ups. Much happier.

TheBestSpoon · 12/02/2021 14:04

I don't have any practical advice you won't already have tried, but sending solidarity. Having an 8 week old was by far the worst time of my life so far, and that was before lockdown. I did not cherish a single moment of it. But it does get better, I promise, and fairly quickly after 12 weeks in my experience - not much consolation at the moment, but it will improve.

For us, attempting to stick to a rough EASY helped a little. He was rocked, walked, slung and fed to sleep at different points as nothing worked consistently. A swaddle sleeping bag helped with flailing. I eventually worked out that for us the first nap of the day was usually easiest to achieve, and was surprisingly early in the day - and if that went well, the rest of the day was usually better. So perhaps worthwhile focussing on that one? Sometime DS was asleep before 8am for his first nap depending on what godforsaken time of the morning he got up...

You are not alone! Good luck.

PCar20 · 12/02/2021 15:59

You don’t have to be depressed to receive emotional support from a HV. They can just provide support and help normalise some of what your experiencing (which is normal baby behaviour). It’ll pass

Original poster
larktreebird · 12/02/2021 16:20

Well, my hv doesn’t think it’s normal.

OP posts:
PCar20 · 12/02/2021 16:28

What is she suggesting is wrong? My DS was very similar between 8-12 weeks. Ultimately you’re at the very beginning of your parenting journey and there are going to be many, many challenges along the way. Trying to ‘solve’ every challenging phase is probably poor use of your time. It may be worth you focusing on ways to increase your resilience for everything that lies ahead

Original poster
larktreebird · 12/02/2021 16:35

No one knows. But I do think 8 week olds should be sleeping more than about an hour in a twelve hour period. But he won’t. And so yes obviously it is impacting on me, I didn’t eat at all yesterday because of it. But it’s just one of those, maybe it will get better. Or maybe it won’t. There’s nothing wrong with my resilience thanks, but I do think you’re just goading now.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 12/02/2021 16:46

Hi op I could have written your post when my dd was 8 weeks old, it was such hard work and there wasn't even a pandemic then to contend with!!

What I would say is don't give up trying to get him to nap as it took ages before my dd seemed to realise that going back to bed for a bit was a good idea!! In the same way as I had a bedtime routine for her I had a daytime nap routine which included milk in a dark room, calm music, some cuddling and then putting down in her sleeping bag. I would sit near by but try and ignore her unless she got really upset.

If after 20 mins or so it was obviously not going to happen I would admit defeat and take her back downstairs for a bit.

It is worth persevering though as by the time she was 3-4 months old she would reliably nap for an hour in the morning and again the the afternoon which was completely life changing for both of us!!

Original poster
larktreebird · 12/02/2021 16:49

Yeah I’ve tried for an hour in the past ... just doesn’t happen! I’ve pretty much given up. Just trying to find ways of making the days bit less miserable for both of us.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 12/02/2021 16:52

PCar20 that was a pretty patronising post to OP who has been pretty resilient and good humoured throughout the thread.

JassyRadlett · 12/02/2021 16:56

OP, I feel you. My first was like that and it was totally grim. All the GPs and HVs saying brightly ‘oh, well he needs more sleep than that!’ as if you are keeping him awake on purpose.

How is his feeding/digestion? DS1 had silent reflux which was a fucker, and also made him very gassy - which made him uncomfortable, which I think also made sleep harder. Stomach massage helped - god I can still remember the repetitive steps of that massage - and all the usual reflux and gas things. It did make a difference but god it was brutal.

DS1 was also a lot happier once we ditched the carrycot for the pram and used the seat - reclined way back but still up a bit - as well. Walks went from being purgatory as he screamed at the sky to being actually joyful giggly times. I think we did it well ahead of the recommended age but it was totally worth it for him. He just hated staring at the sky.

I really feel for you - DS1 was also a wintertime baby and having the refuge of a shopping centre or a friend’s house or a group helped so much more than yet another freezing walk, even if mine was the one at baby groups who cried and wriggled and was unhappy when all the other babies were happily on the mat gurgling at the ceiling. You are doing it so tough.

It will get better, I promise you. But people who don’t get it won’t be able to get it. DS2 was a total revelation to me, it reinforced that DS1 wasn’t like that because I’d done something wrong, he was just built differently.

ReggieKrait · 12/02/2021 16:58

I think some of P’s previous posts have been similar tbh, and have only really served to wind the poor OP up. In my opinion at least. Almost suggesting that she is a bit acopic, which is pretty invalidating.

Original poster
larktreebird · 12/02/2021 17:59

Second babies do seem to be easier - wonder if it’s because they don’t get pandered to as much! (I do pander to ds, for my own sanity more than anything else.)

I just had to Google acopic Grin and I do cope. Not always WELL, but I cope!

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 12/02/2021 21:31

I think it's easier on your second baby because you know it passes. And frankly your life has already been destroyed so what's a little more chaos. Grin But DD2 is easier than DD1 because she can lie down without being in pain, which in turn means she gets more sleep and so is happier in general. That combo also makes things much easier on me. Life is easier when you're not exhausted!

JassyRadlett · 12/02/2021 22:13

But DD2 is easier than DD1 because she can lie down without being in pain, which in turn means she gets more sleep and so is happier in general.

Ditto with my DS2. I was undoubtedly more relaxed - but I was also more relaxed because we didn’t have feeding problems and he was an intensely chilled baby. Woke to have a feed, would burble happily for a quarter of an hour or so, then happily conk out again for another two hours. Awake and happy as a clam between 7pm and 10pm which was lovely as DH got some quality time with him after work, and then he’d go from 10pm - 5am from 3 weeks old.

Word of difference from DS1 where no one cared that he was in pain as long as he was gaining weight. Poor wee man.

If DS2 had been my first I would have been a smug arsehole about my superior parenting. As it was, I knew I was a lucky arsehole.

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