Wondering what to do with baby

[larktreebird]

Struggling with the days at present. Baby isn’t a napper, and staying at home with an increasingly fretful baby is hard.

How do others break the day up a bit?

I’ve ordered a play mat for him so hoping he might like that I do love holding him - I’m worried now people think I don’t. I love cuddling him but there’s a massive difference between a newborn snuggle and holding a rigid head butting baby! The former I can do all day, the latter drains my energy levels.

He’s gorgeous and I love many moments but when he is fractious it’s a hell of a long day.

Honestly, I didn't particularly love holding DD1. With DD2 it's a pleasure as it's a choice, largely. DD1 spent so much time on me I may as well have still been pregnant, at least then she didn't cry. There were of course lovely moments, but I just craved time to myself.

I had a friend whose son did nothing but scream the entire time he was awake. Eventually she tried a cranial osteopath. He wa also treated for reflux, but she didn't think he actually had it, but they treated it just in case, as something was clearly up! Anyway, he did grow out of it and was much easier going by about 6 months. He's a lovely boy at primary school now.

It's really tough. If you had a play group at 10 then meeting a friend for a walk your days would be so much faster, I totally get it. And I know some people don't mind going out in all weathers but I find walking in the freezing rain awful.

Just remember everything is a phase. Just keep trying everything you're doing, it's just trial and error.

I'm really sorry then lovely. Just know it will get better.

Also, I just thought of a top tip... ear plugs. I found the constant screaming really, really difficult, but eat plugs just take the edge off.

My baby also refuses to sleep and would probably stay awake all day moaning too if I let him. I try to get him to nap every 2 hours and it is always by force. When he was smaller he would have to be sucking in order to sleep so would only sleep while breastfeeding or with a dummy in his mouth. I used to have to wedge the dummy in his mouth with a muslin (would never leave the room while it was near his face and would remove it once he was asleep) as he would spit it out but also wouldn’t sleep without it. You could also try him in a rocker/car seat and continuously rock him. Sometimes I have to rub his cheek/hold his hand (still rocking) if he is really refusing but don’t let him see me. Hairdryer sounds on Spotify are also good. In between naps he would lay on activity mat, go for a walk, go in bouncer (this one kills quite a bit of time), play with light up toys, bath. I do struggle to fill time and feel bad sometimes wishing the time away as everyone tells you to enjoy/embrace it but it’s definitely hard when people don’t appreciate how hard it is having a fussy baby.

I'm sorry you have no-one local to bubble with OP, that's crap. Are there any local baby groups doing online meet-ups in your area? Not only would this give you something to do during the day and other mothers to talk to, but I wonder whether it would also give you the opportunity to get to know another new mother in a similar position who might eventually like to form a bubble with you. You could ask your health visitor, check out national groups like NCT (or breastfeeding groups if appropriate), or if you're happy to share location then ask on here and see if anyone can recommend anything. I think anything that helps you to feel less totally isolated would be a good idea, especially if you can begin online and move to human contact a bit further down the line.

Ah, I feel for you. The days are long but the years are short. I really hope things start opening up again soon for all the new mummies.

Did he have a tramactic birth, cranial ( head message) might help?
If you can afford it

My baby was like this for the first 3 months. I would try and get him to nap and he would just scream. The only way to settle him would be to breastfeed pretty much all day long. Which made it a very long day especially when homeschooling etc. However, I did persevere with the naps and something clicked at about 3/4 months. Suddenly he started napping really well. I think it coincided with starting to roll over and being more active and aware of toys etc.
Just hang in there a little bit longer. I know it’s easy to say. But remember that you can put baby down for 10 minutes and they are allowed to moan for a while. Just to give you time to grab a drink, something to eat or just time out to recollect yourself. I break the day up. So breakfast to lunch, lunch to late afternoon, then to evening and every time I hit a milestone it feels a bit better if that makes sense. Big hugs, it’s really hard and extra hard in a pandemic x

I used to put mine in their little bouncy chair and id watch some TV, I don’t know if that’s still a thing. Then go into different rooms to break things up a bit.
I’d make bath time quite long as they liked water.
The days could be very long.

@larktreebird it's very good and well people saying "enjoy this time together " it's really not helpful and so annoying in this current situation. I had baby number three in March . I have experienced having a baby in lockdown and two others not in lockdown . IT IS HARD. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself this is not normal times ! I'm sorry I don't have any major useful advice I have a connecta carrier and it's fab . I would walk to the shops and back etc . Instead of driving just to make the trip out last longer . It's rubbish at the moment but it will get better and you probably will look back fondly at this time one day because trust me you do forget the hard parts .

Spend time working out when they need a nap and put them down for it, loads of advice, books, help out there to get baby in a good routine, then you'll have breaks during the day. Good luck

Lol bird

He isn’t a screamer to be fair, only when he’s really tired.

Just curious everyone suggesting the EASY routine - was this helpful for breastfed babies ?

OP it's so hard my baby was very unsettled too and it made me feel absolutely awful when someone said "enjoy every minute" "enjoy all the cuddles" when I couldn't even sit down for 2 mins without my little one crying, how does anyone "enjoy every minute" of that - but those comments made me feel so guilty that I wasn't. For us suddenly at 3 months my little one had a light bulb moment and became settled.

Is there anyone in your local area you could form support bubble with - do you see any of your neighbours ? just seeing a friendly face really helped me during those tough days

Psyched mommy - search for her on Instagram or Facebook, really helped me - some of her posts might help too

www.instagram.com/p/CEXQ5STFtN8/?igshid=8zp7cnti581

People used to tell me I'd look back fondly. I don't. There are moments when it was sweet and lovely, but I love the fact that they've become more like cats as they've grown older: keep the food bowl well stocked, let them out / let them in, give them a bit of attention occasionally.

@TheMoth I don't either, and I'm not having another one. I vividly remember how hard I found it all. I really didn't enjoy babyhood - it got progressively better, but I much prefer having a toddler and suspect I'll enjoy him becoming more self-sufficient.

He’s been great today. Relaxing and not trying to force naps has ironically led to napping. He’s definitely better when out if the house.

The baby whisperer made me feel so rubbish but it’s good if it helps some. Just didn’t work for us at all.

I read everything. It all made me feel inadequate. Best advice I ever had was from a mother of 5, who basically told me that until 3 months, it's pointless trying anything. It's the '4th trimester(obviously not tri)' and babies still want to be inside you.

I'd have to walk or hold ds to get him to nap. But he was often all napped out by the afternoon, then awful the minute tea went on the table. I often left him in the garden after a walk, as I couldn't cope with him waking up if I tried to get the pram in the house.

Dc 2 had a sling. They were a bit refluxy and a lot clingy.Life changer.

@englishroseamongstirishthorns

You should treasure this time together. They will never been this little or dependent again. Try a walk around the block or a trip to a nearby beach or park for a change of scenery. Also consider decorating a spare room with a different theme to allow them to engage other senses.

And the prize for most unhelpful advice goes to @englishroseamongstirishthorns

How could anyone think it's helpful to tell a new mum, who is finding life tough with a newborn, that she should just cherish this time? OP's baby doesn't sleep, but she should cherish this time? OP is finding the days very long and difficult, but not to worry, she should cherish this time! Saying that is only going to make OP feel worse.

@larktreebird I'm really glad to see your update, and that you have had a better day today.

Get a baby bjorn bouncer - I got ours second hand and used them til our twins were about 2. They are super easy for even a small baby to bounce or for you to bounce with your foot while drinking a coffee 😬

Baby gym

Read to them - doesn’t have to be kids books, read what you want to read, just aloud!

Watch what you want on Netflix while having a cuddle (I watched several season of something or other while bouncing the twins with my feet and double pumping when mine were that age!)

Put them down to go for a wee knowing they’ll still be there when you get back (I miss the pre-mobile days!)

Sing songs, baby massage etc

Ah how I need one of these babies who lets you cuddle them while watching Netflix!

Well I couldn’t do that either - couldn’t safely hold them both at the same time and couldn’t hold either while pumping which seemed to be all the bloody time - hence the bouncers!

I really feel for you. My DC are grown up now. I really enjoyed babyhood but oh how long those days could be!
My suggestion is to try and have one thing for yourself to look forward to each day. However small, bath, time staring out a window, takeaway coffee, chat with a friend. Falling down a rabbit hole on YouTube.
IME different things work at different times with different DC.
Everyone I knew had some magic thing that worked. I never did. We all still muddled through and all has turned out pretty well I think.
I can't imagine having a lockdown on top of everything, although I spose I wouldn't have been as concerned with the state of the house!

Oh quick thought. Could you listen to audio books on headphones.
Obvs don't mean the whole time, but for a bit of company/ stimulation for you?