Wondering what to do with baby

[larktreebird]

Struggling with the days at present. Baby isn’t a napper, and staying at home with an increasingly fretful baby is hard.

How do others break the day up a bit?

Actually my son was an octopus and wriggled like mad. I had to hold him quite tightly to get him to relax.

Good luck OP. It must be so hard when you can’t go out and see people. I suggested the car thing earlier. Was a life saver for me. Do you have access to a car?

Bloody hell!
Ignore all the bollocks about 'soak up this precious time' etc. Small babies are dull and getting through this time is about survival. If you're into little ones then yipee but for others it's crap.

1. Be firm. Indulge in a bit of crying it out. Baby can be away from you for a bit. Baby might drop off but frankly it sounds like you need some space.
2. Do what you enjoy. Babies this age can watch you doing whatever. They don't need constant stimulation. Back in the day, I took tiny babies to watch horror films. It was fab.
3. Make sure you can allot an hour a day to pass baby onto someone else, such as partner. Ideally they can take the baby out of the house while you get some shut eye.
4. Try and get out of the house each day yourself. Melatonin levels are triggered by daylight. To get a baby into a routine it really helps if they experience daylight. (Grim at the moment but it all helps).
5. Good luck. You are amazing.

@larktreebird just go out walking. What do you think would be any different if you were able to go to the shops for example? Your baby would still be the same baby and it would actually be more stressful trying to comfort him somewhere like a shop or a restaurant. You seem to be really struggling with what is just normal newborn behaviour. I really would suggest speaking to your HV

You do NOT sound as if you are struggling OP!

You sound lonely, bored, maybe a little fed up and frustrated and looking for ways to break up the day with a lockdown baby. That is bloody normal.

What, all day, P?

Please stop implying I’m the issue here. It isn’t normal for newborns to never sleep and to be this distressed. Being out and about helps, meeting other mums and babies helps, I’m honestly not intending this sharply but surely I don’t need to explain this? You’re really making me feel quite upset and it isn’t fair.

Oh and please don’t ‘indulge in a bit of crying it out’ when your baby is so young totally bizarre and unhelpful thing to say

Please stop implying I’m the issue here. It isn’t normal for newborns to never sleep and to be this distressed.

You’re in no way the issue. It really can be normal OP. It will pass

Thanks reggie, he’s gorgeous but naps are an issue and then of course he’s tired and not easy to manage. But if he won’t sleep then all I can do is get out and about as much as possible and hope he’ll nod off.

Someone in Costco actually said yesterday ‘aww, your baby is always asleep’ if only!

He’s never been left to cry and he never will.

@PCar20 not bizarre advice. Bloody useful and practical. Trying to make someone feel like they are failing if their child ever whimpers is cruel.

Haha my MIL is like that when we go for our weekly lockdown walk with her, she says is that baby ever awake?! It makes me die a little inside 😂

Not meaning to sound like a precious flower but those who haven’t had a newborn in lockdown just don’t understand what it’s like. I’m sure they can imagine, but they don’t get it. This baby is like chalk and cheese from my first. I can do nothing and see no-one. My parents live up north and haven’t met him. It’s utter shit. I totally get what you mean.

OP I can totally empathise as parent to a 7 week old. I do think, without meaning to upset you, that you have misdiagnosed the issue a little here. It's not so much what can you do with the baby while he's fractious, as how can you get him to sleep so he's not as fractious. His behaviour is likely down to overtiredness. I know I hadn't anticipated how quickly they get tired and how subtle their sleep cues can be but only quite recently realised how small that nap window is, and how difficult it makes like if you miss it. I thought she would just go to sleep when wishes tired enough, and didn't anticipate how much they need support to sleep. It's really worth spending a few days trying to get to know your baby's sleep cues and trying out different ways to get him to nap as soon as you spot one. Your baby needs sleep to grow, develop and be happy.

Do you drive OP, or have public transport near that maybe isn’t too busy? If so you could try going to different areas (not too far, ofc) for a walk? That’s extend the whole thing out a bit and give you a change of scene.

It is really hard at that age! Are there any local mums you know or groups on Facebook you could join? Others would likely be up for a walk and you might even you find someone you like in a similar situation that you could bubble with for now.

I don’t think I have misshoney, I am all ears as to how I can get him to sleep but he won’t. Seriously, make a suggestion and I’ll have done it!

Sling, yes, but only outside and only when walking (yoga balls inside don’t work)

Car journeys, no

Pram, no

White noise no, it can help but other times can make him more agitated

Feeding,no

Dummy, as white noise, sometimes helps sometimes makes it worse

You just end up trying for hours until you’re both upset. ThTs why I want to get him out more.

@larktreebird I know it's hard, my baby resists daytime naps and I have spent many days trying to get her to sleep and stressing over it. I know how frustrating it is when people make suggestions which you have tried and nothing seems to work. I don't know what the magic bullet will be for your baby - for mine it's turned out to be a combination of white noise (loud), swaddling in a particular blanket, side sleeping and bum patting. Your baby will be different, but there will be a way to make him sleep. You owe it to him to find it, no matter how much trial and error it takes. Maybe ask your HV / GP to rule out something like reflux making him too uncomfortable to sleep?

I do owe it to him I agree, you are very welcome to come here and show me how. In the meantime, I haven’t a clue what to do. He is on medication for reflux, hasn’t made a difference but we shall see. I don’t even know for sure if it is reflux which makes me feel even worse for potentially giving him something he doesn’t need. I’m feeling bad enough as it is as the moment miss to be honest.

My youngest was the same at that age. Nap refuser. She still fights sleep even now at 4.

The 'treasure these times' comments are not helpful. Of course you love your baby but you are allowed to find things difficult, not every moment is a joy to be treasured.

The EASY routine was helpful for me, even if they didnt sleep then it provided structure to the day and a period of time assigned to resting.

Look after yourself, make sure you go to the loo and eat. Dont worry if they're crying or having a whinge while you do that. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of baby. You cant pour from an empty cup xxx

If he sleeps in the sling I think your best option is to go out for long walks and 'teach' him to sleep better. The more they sleep, the more they get used to sleeping - it really does need to be taught for some babies. It's also good for them to be in daylight as much as possible, so they learn the difference between night and day. And it will help your mood, too.

It's difficult in the snow, of course. Do you have snow boots? If not, get some YaxTrax off Ebay so you can stay steady.

I really, really feel for you. There are honestly very few people who love this early stage - it's relentless, and worse with no-one around and nothing to do.

@larktreebird I'm sorry, I know it's a shit and lonely experience. Many times I've wanted someone to just come and tell me what to do. Unfortunately you are the only expert on your baby and no one can tell you what will work. Only that there will be something that works and ignoring the problem is not going to solve it. I know thats not what you want to hear, I'm sorry.

I’ve tried it whats but I really can’t walk all day. Anyway it’s just become telling me how to get him to sleep and to be honest I don’t think there is anything. I think he’ll get better but right now this is where we are. I honestly just wondered what others were doing. As I say we failed miserably at easy. I have read all the books even god help me GF and they made me feel worse!

There are things that work miss

But not consistently and when you’ve tried every single one over and over for two hours (yes really) you do have to admit defeat at some point.

@larktreebird 8 weeks is peak shitness. Just survive the day. Honestly anyone who tells you to ‘enjoy the snuggles and treasure it’ can just fuck off. I had a nap refuser - she just did not sleep at all despite all the tricks in the book. Unless you’ve had one, people don’t get it. I used to feel if I heard one more “have you tried a sling?” comment I’d explode as YES ID FUCKING TRIED EVERYTHING. Can you find a good box set to watch? Get out for a walk if you can, I still had significant post birth injuries so at the suggestion of running 8 weeks post partum! Some people just have no clue that others might have had a harder time than them.

Sounds a bit mad, but used to read to mine! Dc1 and I got through most of The Chronicles of Narnia. With dc2, it ended up being things I wanted to read, like the news, as we had less time, so I was multitasking!

scrunchie I hear you! And the worst is there’s so much stuff I want to watch but I can’t

Oh god OP I feel you. My first had silent reflux, it was hell. If the current meds aren't working, get on to GP and try something else. Ranitidine was a wonder drug for us, I know you can't get it ATM but there are other options.

EASY doesn't work for reflux babies because they need to be held upright after a feed, so that tends to be when they sleep. And then they can't be put down because it causes them physical pain. DD took all her naps on me, I would feed her, put her in the carrier and bounce her around the living room watching TV and then once she was out sloooowly sit down without taking her out of the carrier. You've probably tried that though.

I agree about the overtired thing, especially with reflux on top, that'll be tough.

I'm on maternity leave again now and the baby is so much easier but I still found last week a real drag when the weather was bad here. I think some people are forgetting that there's only so many walks you can do, and when the weather is shit there's no option to walk around a shopping centre, go to a cafe or meet a friend like I did with my first. It can get very very very boring.

At this stage, I had a list of three things to do for her (vit D drops, tummy time, top and tail) and three things for me (a walk, ten minutes of Pilates or similar and no snacks in the morning as I was feeling miserable about my weight). Rarely achieved all six but they gave my day some structure!

Mine both loved the play mat, especially with the TV on (my programmes, not kids stuff).

Online baby classes are better than nothing and several will give you the recording so you can do them when it suits. We sometimes do them a few times when the weather is bad. Just kills an hour and gives your day a bit of structure.

Lastly,I think those telling you to stop and smell the roses are forgetting the bomb your first baby takes to your life, even if they're easy. Nine weeks ago, OP was a whole entire, independent person. Now she's mummy, with no sleep, can't go to the loo without the baby screaming, can't eat a hot meal with two hands, can't remember when she last used her brain, etc etc etc. It's shit OP, just do what you need to get through and I promise it will get easier soon.