If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

[HillsHaveEyez]

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

I did. Made the mistake that I couldn't get pregnant at my "advanced age". After always being told your fertility drops off a cliff at 35. My midwife said that she had had many women in their 40s make the same assumption and getting pregnant.

Pregnancy was plain sailing and I now have a happy and healthy teenager. For me it was great to be able to prolong putting my interests first until my mid forties. Parenting has been great so far, I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything and I'm much more laid back than I would have been in my 20s.

I’m 44 & I would be very upset but I’m sure I’d come round to the idea.

Horses for courses
The people I know who have had kids in their early 20s regret having them so early as it affected their finances and freedom so much when others were out travelling and partying and getting their careers together.
From my perspective those who have waited a bit longer 30s onwards definitely seem happier
My best friend had her last when she was 42 and she’s extremely fit, has a wonderful house with her dh, has a fantastic cv and has seen a lot of the world
Personally I think there’s a lot to be said for being an older mum

No I'd personally never have a baby any older than 37 or 38.

I was still trying to conceive a second child at 44. Even had 2 rounds of IVF. Didn't work but I very much wanted another child. I am 50 now and would still be delighted by a surprise pregnancy.

@Fatas

I’m sick of these judgemental threads about older mothers. If women can get pregnant and stay pregnant at such an ‘advanced age’ then it’s perfectly fine and natural. Why is mumsnet so bloody anti ‘older mothers’ 🙄

There is absolutely no judgement. It was a question. And one that has generated a wide range of answers.

I personally wouldn’t go ahead in my mid forties with a pregnancy, because I have older children, one is disabled, my career has really taken off and other reasons personal to my circumstances. But it’s been lovely hearing about those that did and are happy. No judgement.

For those that are saying 44 isn’t ‘advanced’, I think you need to grow a slightly thicker skin. To spontaneously fall pregnant at 44 is statistically unusual. It’s not a judgement to state biological fact.

I was once that mother! Well, older actually. Was a fortnight before my 46th birthday when I had dc3. Dc1 and 2 were 10 and 8 respectively. Was a surprise, in that we hadn't been trying, but we weren't using contraception as I'd assumed I was past it all, but wouldn't be a disaster, iyswim. Far from it - has been wonderful having 3, considering we started so late!

I was 44 and I did find myself pregnant, he is now at university. To be honest I found it a breeze, the other two were at university so it was just the three of us, I did not get tired, had more patience and wisdom, more money too. An old lady told me before reliable contraception late babies were a common occurrence, she was the youngest child her eldest brother being more than twenty years older.

I don’t know if having a child at 44 is only more unusual because we have more control of our fertility. The “change baby” was very common until recently.

No.

However that's simply because DH and I were lucky to meet, marry and conceive our family by my early thirties.

The thought of starting again in my 40's, just at the point DH and I are starting to have more freedom as a couple leaves me cold.

That said I have no judgement whatsoever on others who feel they might or have done differently.

I'm very conscious of friends who didn't meet their partner until later in life, didn't feel ready to have children until their late 30's/early 40's, had 3/4 children or had issues with infertility and thus who had children much later in life than me.

Who knows if life had dealt me different cards my post could be very different...

It happened to me. Very, very unexpected but fast forward to now and I'm a few months off 50 and have a 4yo lying next to me. No regrets really but the last few years have broken me

Found out I was pregnant at 46. Was pleased as punch.

Although re having them early, I had my first at 23 and my second at 28 and do not regret a thing with that either. Certainly not wrecked my life, relationship, career or finances!

I did, was in the middle of getting divorced & hadn't been with my new partner very long. I planned on having my baby but sadly lost her at 16 weeks.

No

I think there are loaded statements and assumptions on this thread, that pp have pointed out.

What would suit one 44 year old, wouldn’t necessarily suit another. So it’s a bit pointless asking what others would do, as their decisions would be based on their circumstances- and as we know, no two set is circumstances are the same

Is 44 young to have a child? Well no, but neither is it in the same realm of say a 65 year declaring they’re expecting.

Considering the average age of death is early 80’s, it’s likely the ‘child’ would be in its 40’s by the time the child would lose their parent. That’s hardly a reason to opt of out having a child at 44.

Also, many 44 year olds will be fitter than 30 year olds. If they have a bmi in the ideal range and they feel they can cope, who’s business is it to say they can’t?

Also, financially they are likely to be more secure than a mother in their 20’s. Financial security is a big consideration.

So all in all, it’s no ones business to decide if a 44 year old should have a baby. Clearly nature says it’s fine.....

Yes but realistically no, my body wouldn’t be able to cope with another pregnancy plus my parenting skills suck as it some days.

@Abcdeisarealname yes it’s a genuine question- it’s 40, not bloody 80.

Yes. After many years of trying I had a beautiful baby at 33. I tried for another for 11 years and eventually had a hysterctomy for medical reasons. I am happy with how life turned out but if I had been pregnant at 44 I would have felt incredibly blessed.

No. I'm 43 this year, I have two dc, both over 10. Any further children would negatively impact all 4 of our lives so I wouldn't proceed with any pregnancy. It has been financial up till recently but now its age. I, personally, am physically to old now to have children.

@GordonsAliveAndEatsPies

Same here *@Fatas*. I am pro-choice but if the only reason these kids are being aborted is ‘well I am a bit old’ that is a bit sad.

That’s a bit judgemental. If a woman doesn’t want a child because she’s old, that’s her choice. Surely that’s what being pro choice is all about. What’s the alternative, force her to have it?

No - only because when I'm 44 my DC will be 19 and 20. I'm 30 now and they are 4 and 5.. I can't imagine doing this in my mid 40's ..

If you’ve been privileged enough to have children you wanted in your 20s or 30s I imagine having a child in your 40s seems too much. And many people are probably more knackered by that age having had kids anyway.
If you haven’t had the chance by the time you’re in your 40s and wanted kids then you’d just be thrilled (and probably a bit trepidatious, having followed a different kind of life). I know several people who have had them at that age no issues.
If you get pregnant in your 40s and didn’t want a baby at that age then I’d just wonder why you weren’t using contraception I suppose, but then life is complicated.

Yes. I was pregnant at 44 and I had a healthy baby, a longed for sibling for my daughter. Straight forward pregnancy worked up until 36 weeks, C-section only due to breech position of baby. Recovered quickly and I'm a lot more active and do a lot more than many parents 10 years or more younger than me.

As an older parent I am hoping this thread doesn’t disintegrate into the usual ageist bollocks. There are regular threads about older mothers and they are usually horrible. I sometimes try and contribute my positive experience as an older parent but my contribution gets lost in a sea of ridiculous assumptions. I usually end up hiding the thread.

Can people remember that older mothers are on MN and we don’t like being called decrepit or irresponsible.