If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

[HillsHaveEyez]

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

[quote HillsHaveEyez]@IdesMarchof

It’s not a judgement. But 44 is the very late stages of fertility for the vast majority of women. That’s just a fact.[/quote]
So?
If you’re pregnant at that age you are fertile.
It is within normal childbearing age.
Lots of people choose to have children younger, but that doesn’t mean early 40s isn’t also within childbearing age.

I would ask the same questions of myself that I would at any other age if unexpectedly pregnant. Do I want a baby? Am I able to support a baby?

What is the point of your question, OP?

I wouldn't try and get pregnant at that age because I'm too scared of problems but would be delighted to be pregnant again. And, personally, I would find abortion without a very strong reason impossible (totally acknowledge that for other people the same age could be a strong reason not to go ahead)

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

The point of my question was idly musing on what other women would do if they found themselves pregnant at 44, after having a pregnancy scare at that age.

I think falling pregnant unexpectedly at 44, for a lot of women, can be frightening in the same way falling pregnant at the other end of the fertility window - say, 18 - might be. I was interested in others take on it.

I've got two DDs already, youngest is 10. I always wanted a third, but it wasn't to be; because DH made a unilateral decision and got a vasectomy 😕 so if I found myself pregnant now (mid 40s) I'd be happy (but surprised, and probably divorced..)

I don’t think it’s all that unusual, no reason not to, personal choice based on circumstances just as at any age.

I am 46 with a ds13 and a dd12. I would not have wanted another beyond 41/42. Purely because I wouldn't want to be mothering a teenager into my 60s. But that is just my view. I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who chose to make a different choice.

Another older Mum here.
Wouldn't be without them!
Very aware older than some of my fellow parents' parents, but hey ho!
Menopause symptoms and teenagers an interesting mix but we joke about it...

My children would be 20 and 18 and I would be very much Wtaf after needing IVF for both but would continue with the pregnancy.

When I am 44 I will have two 19 year olds. No I don't think I could bring myself to start all over again with a baby. I would totally support someone else making a different choice of course.

Oh lord no! Personally abortion is not for me but at 32 I am so done with a 12 year old, 3 year old and nearly two year old. The idea of starting again now would horrify me let alone in more than a decades time. No no no thank you!

For those that are saying 44 isn’t ‘advanced’, I think you need to grow a slightly thicker skin. To spontaneously fall pregnant at 44 is statistically unusual. It’s not a judgement to state biological fact

It is statistically more unusual but hardly a freak of nature. Why the emphasis on age in your OP? Do you think a pregnant 44 year old would think “I am a statistical minority, therefore I will terminate”?

No. I have had a few health issues and I can't imagine I would be able to cope. I always think older mums are super human.

@MrsSimonBasset I really don’t want to derail the thread. I understand it’s a choice but I hope when push came to shove someone might consider the decision a bit more than ‘oh I am old, never mind’ or that those with such views take real consideration regarding contraception. Otherwise it’s sad.

My views are undoubtedly influenced by where I am, but this little person inside me, is now destined to have his own life. I couldn’t have taken that away from him.

These threads usually end up being judgemental of both older and younger mothers with people getting quite defensive.

I had mine in my 20s, no regrets whatsoever for numerous reasons, I’m happy with the decisions I made. I don’t see anything wrong with having babies with your 40s though and know other mums who were that age. Everybody is different.

My reply was based on myself having a baby not judging anyone else’s age.

When had last baby just before my 40’s what I did notice is everyone had issue with my age, always having to tell me how old I be when child in such such age, no one asks or told father this who same age as me. Didn’t have this in my 20’s

Yes, I did.

I'd been told years earlier that I couldn't have a family. Started feeling peaky at 44 & 5 months. Took me a while to go to the GP

Really not sure if I would have gone ahead had I found myself in that situation at that age. I'm 51 now and left trying for babies to quite late. I feel I was lucky to have them at 37 and 39, and I was told that I was high risk with my second baby. I had a CVS test with reassuring results but after the few days when I was waiting I'm not sure what I would have decided. I found both pregnancies difficult, morning sickness. The second time I was also very anaemic and didn't really understand how ill I was and why I'd felt so dreadful until after ds2's birth. Plus I had some quite challenging problems to deal with after his birth.

Also, when I turned 44, I had been made redundant a year before, my boss had died of cancer, my mum was terminally ill, and I had been hoping to apply for other jobs when it looked financially viable to do so. The idea of having a new baby as my younger son started school and I might have been able to earn more from going back to work than I paid out for childcare would have been a real concern for me. I would have found deciding to go ahead and see what happens or definitely not to really really tricky under these circumstances, and don't know what I would have decided. That said, I wouldn't try to judge for someone else or decide what she should do in such circumstances.

@Echobelly and I bet there are plenty of older mums who feel sad for younger mums having all the responsibilities of having kids at a young age, because they'll never experience that feeling of youth, in their 20's, travelling the world, not a care in the world. The only concerns is what town to stop off at on the next leg of the trip! Just the sheer thrill of complete and utter independence, no responsibilities, the flush of youth that one will never get back. But it would be rude and quite hurtful tbh, to say that you feel "sorry" for someone because of their life choices, especially in regards to what age they chose to have a child at. And there are pros and cons at having them younger and older.

All choices are valid. There is no need to "feel sorry" for someone, which is really quite patronising. People choose a way of living that suits them. And the choice of the mum who chose to have her babies in her early 20's should be respected as much as the choice of the mum who chose to have her babies mid 40s.

Yes, @RainingBatsAndFrogs exactly!

The op is playing a bit innocent, I feel. Everyone knows the answers, and what the thread will descend into.

I think most people on the thread have stated what they'd do in that position but also said they realise that other people might do differently and good luck to them.

Yes, I could never abort my own child so would do my best to make it work.

@TheCatThatGotTheCream perfectly put

Definitely, I would be thrilled

It’s a very personal decision and depends on many factors. Health, financial circumstances, work circumstances, whether there are other children, space, support networks. On and on. I know someone who had a baby at 46. She doesn’t regret it at all.

No, only because I was at the opposite end of this. I had My DD at 15 and would not want such a big age gap or to start all over again with maternity leave, childcare etc