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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 18:18

I am very sorry for your loss @Orangepuffpastry

TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 18:21

@Tuscadero

I have no problem with people like the above poster privately believing abortion is murder but also being pro-choice. I admire it in fact. The ability to hold such strong personal feelings but recognising that it's their personal view and that others should be free to make their own decision and have control over their own bodies.
Hmmm but she has aired it in a public forum. A public forum that will have many many women on that have had an abortion. To read that tripe is another guilt trip. I believe the statistic is 1/3 women have one in their lifetime. Many do it with a heavy heart so they don’t need to hear the religious fanatic views of others.

I don’t think people keep it to themselves because of altruism, it’s because they know they’ll get peoples backs up if they share their views!!

Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 18:22

If you, your parents or other close family have suffered ill health starting in your late 50s early 60s (which is actually fairly common) you’re probably not going to think it’s such a wonderful idea.

I agree, and also if like me you were significantly physically incapable in your 20s and 30s the ‘do it while you are younger and fitter’ argument (which in general makes sense) won’t really resonate. I was reliant on people in their 60s and above to care for me when I was in my mid twenties, and they ran circles round me.

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murakamilove · 06/02/2021 18:22

Ohhhh! That would be a tough decision. I think it really does depend on circumstances. I’m nearly 48 and I would absolutely hate to have a baby now. (I believe a baby is a gift though)
I have known a friend who had twin boys at 49 😱😱😱( also had a 16 year old daughter)

CaptainSpirit · 06/02/2021 18:22

That's so sad @Orangepuffpastry, I'm so sorry. Flowers

trixie1970 · 06/02/2021 18:23

I definitely would, yes. I had a termination of pregnancy when I was 18, have never forgiven myself and think about that every single day.

I could never do it again! So yes, I would have the child at 44!

kittlesticks · 06/02/2021 18:27

My two would be 11 and 9 and I don't think I could - I feel like that's the stage where we will hopefully be enjoying adventures the 4 of us (no longer having to drag a nappy bag and loads of crap everywhere we go). I would also love a dog by the time they are around this age. Couldn't add a newborn too.
I have friends who had their first at 42, 43 etc and I don't think their experience has been much different to mine having them in my 30s, it's exhausting whatever happens.

If I was ttc and had no other kids then I would obviously keep the baby because the circumstances would be different. I also think second marriages change things - it depends on a new partner's circumstances and what they want too. My two friends who had kids in their 40s were both divorced and in their first long term relationships after that. They are both very happy and I'm happy for them.

Tal45 · 06/02/2021 18:28

I know a couple of people who have had babies at that age no problem. However I'm that age now and I would not want another baby so I would have no problems having a termination should 'the snip' happen to fail.

Kellyread · 06/02/2021 18:36

I had my first (and probably only) at age 40 last year. Well I was 41 the next day lol. Just the way my life panned out tbh. I would’ve chosen to have her younger but I don’t regret it. I think I’d like another but my husband not keen.

JFM27 · 06/02/2021 18:40

Good grief no.Far too old who the hell would want a teenager around when in 60s,keepijg them at Uni when pension age.

My cut off date was 35 i hadnt met anyone i wanted to have kids with,im not very maternal anyway so when i got to 35 to me that ship had sailed.Not sure why 35 maybe because my dad was 35 when i was born,and he was older than many dads in those days people had kids in 20s normally, But my dad was lovely very young for his age, lived to 98 so i had him a long time.

I just think becoming a mum when a lot of woman are grannies is not something id want to do.But each to their own.Mind you i feel same way about men .40 should be their cut off date.Blokes of 60 even 50 plus becoming dads again especially if they all ready have grown up kids but have married a younger woman.

Also of course if you have kids in 40s your own mum will probably be well over 60 is she prepared to be a hands on granny when she may want to retire and enjoy life. I see quite a few weary looking women in 60s and even older pushing prams and pushchairs sitting baby when daughter is at work.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 06/02/2021 18:42

It would have been a shock but I would have had it. Now I'm nearly 53, post menopause and have had a hysterectomy so it would be a bloody miracle!

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 06/02/2021 18:43

I'd be THRILLED to be 44 AND pregnant.

I'm 51 & definitely not pregnant 😢

KentdonMum · 06/02/2021 18:47

I could honestly say it would be my absolute worst nightmare but I would go ahead with it. I had surprise second pregnancy - I literally found out days after my 38th birthday. 38 would have been my personal threshold for a second baby although I had fertility issues and never expected in a million years to get pregnant again and DH and I had agreed we wouldn’t have a second child. Now I am approaching menopause I am massively paranoid about ‘the last hurrah’ risk and make sure we are super safe! I think my boys (10 & 8) would also be hugely annoyed if I introduced a baby into the mix Grin

MerlinTheWizard · 06/02/2021 18:51

I would yes! I’m 45 and have a 3 and 6 year old and still have feelings of broodiness, despite being knackered all the time. I’m clearly a bit of a fruit loop but would just love one more (other half disagrees tho 😢 makes me feel very sad).

NowWhatUsernameShallIHave · 06/02/2021 18:51

For me no
Even thinking about having a child at 42 right now I could do it but I don’t think I could come round to the idea of having teens in my 60s

Cotswoldmama · 06/02/2021 18:54

No because I have two children and I don't want more. If I had no children maybe. If I had one child definitely no. For me it's too old. I wouldn't want to be so old for all the child's milestones. I think if it was a very much longed for first child then yes.

OverTheRainbow88 · 06/02/2021 18:58

If all healthy and wanted a child or another child then yes

Callcat · 06/02/2021 18:59

Not a fucking chance, but I wouldn't judge anyone who would.

Pliudev · 06/02/2021 18:59

I had my third DS when I was 42 and he has been a joy. I think it kept me younger for longer. His father is ten years older than me and I did worry but I think my DS would say he has no regrets about having older parents. He also has three half siblings who I know will be there for him when the inevitable happens. I'm not sure I could have coped as a first timer at that she though.

Pliudev · 06/02/2021 19:00

Age!

jenkel · 06/02/2021 19:01

After going through rounds of ivf in my 30s, successfully and 1 eptopic pregnancy, thankfully now I have 2 kids, I would say, I wouldnt have planned it but if it happened there is no way that I could abort it, life and fertility is way to precious.

And if you can get pregnant at 44, physically you must be in good shape. I’m 50 now and part of me wishes that I had more than 2 children, however dh has a completely different view lol

AledsiPad · 06/02/2021 19:02

Nope. I was done and dusted by 25 and quite happy with that. Now mid thirties, they're all reasonably self-sufficient in the sense that I never buy baby wipes any more, don't have to pack the entire house to leave the house: just shove shoes & coats on and we're off. By the time I'm 40 my youngest will be a late teen, my eldest will be early 20s and DH and I will be living the life of riley, actually going on holiday alone and having money and stuff. Wouldn't change that if you paid me tbh.

That said, this applies to my specific circumstances, which include(d) being a teenage mother, so perhaps that would be particularly undesirable to many too. Each to their own. Smile

Loobylu44 · 06/02/2021 19:05

I had a baby at 42 and it’s hard, I had a baby at 17 and it’s hard. Different reasons though more physically difficult at 42 more mentally tough at 17. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here just whatever suits the particular person at the time. I think Christine Lampard is 42 and pregnant though and Rachel Weiss had a baby then too so you know.. it happens!

Monkeypuzzle21 · 06/02/2021 19:07

This happened to me. I accidently became pregnant at 43 and was initially devastated. Already had 3 DC 9,9 & 5. Couldn't bring myself to terminate it though, as soon came around to the idea. DH also started to come around, and then I was really happy but worried about the health of the baby etc. I would have been 44 when I had it. However, I then had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and was absolutely gutted! Would then have chosen to have one at a drop of a hat for quite a while, but DH didn't want to so have had to accept that it's never going to happen. I'm now 45.

husbandcallsmepickle · 06/02/2021 19:08

I'm 44 and 38 weeks pregnant with my first. 100% happy!!