If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

[HillsHaveEyez]

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

This happened to me at 45. I had a termination.

Hell no! I am 44 and have a 21, 16, 10 and 7 yr old. No more for me - no way!

Yes definitely. I'm nearly 42 and would love to have another baby. My worry would be my mental health during the pregnancy- I suffered with terrible anxiety and depression during my 3rd pregnancy (mainly worrying about baby's health due to my age, 38). I've had 3 miscarriages since so it seems I can no longer hold on to a pregnancy.
Physically I feel exactly the same as I did at 30.

It happened to me much younger and I terminated. I’m now 36 and would do the same in a heartbeat.
When I’m 45 my dc will be 26, 25 and 18, absolutely love them all to bits and really enjoyed the baby years, the toddler years etc but there’s no way I’d want to do it again mid 40’s.

@HavelockVetinari

Definitely. I believe abortion is killing a baby. In some very restricted circumstances I think it's justified, if the health (including mental) of the mother is at serious risk, but abortion for social reasons is, in my opinion, murder.

However - I am 100% pro choice, it's not for me to restrict others because of my beliefs that they don't share. And I would never ever speak of this in real life, because you never know who might have a tragedy in their own lives.

you put it better than I did.

I did. Following a late loss a few years before. Everyday of my pregnancy was full of anxiety thinking I would lose this dc too. Well she's here and everyday I am so thankful to have her.

I’m 44 soon and this little baby right here is the best thing ever, for all of us. So, in a word, yes.

I had my second child at 44 and wish I could have had another.

@HavelockVetinari

Definitely. I believe abortion is killing a baby. In some very restricted circumstances I think it's justified, if the health (including mental) of the mother is at serious risk, but abortion for social reasons is, in my opinion, murder.

However - I am 100% pro choice, it's not for me to restrict others because of my beliefs that they don't share. And I would never ever speak of this in real life, because you never know who might have a tragedy in their own lives.

Well thankfully the law of our land doesn’t agree that abortion is murder. I’m so pleased I live in a more secular society that doesn’t allow religious beliefs to govern the people and to take away their choice.

Many of the countries that have criminalised abortion are all have deep rooted religion ingrained in to their society. That is far more concerning imo

Well said @TableFlowerss !

No I wouldn't. I might have done at one point but I had a baby at 39 who was diagnosed with a foetal abnormality at 20 week scan. He's ok but it was extremely stressful at the time and still a worry.

When I'm 44 he'll be 5. I also have 2 much older children be so it'd be like starting again for a third time....no chance

That’s a very idealised - and unrealistic - view of youth. These days someone in their 20s is more likely to be establishing a career, worrying about money and trying to save a deposit for a flat than taking a grand tour.

Yes, I agree I dont get all the MN posts I see about the 20s being for constant and carefree travelling of the world. Most people i know were at uni until 22/23ish so skint and concentrating on studying, then after that working full-time in a job with 4 weeks off a year. Anyone who did ‘proper’ travelling (as opposed to a holiday) it was a one-off ‘gap year’ and they usually had parents helping out financially. There were a few who had opportunities to work abroad but most of us were trying to establish careers after uni.

I have no problem with people like the above poster privately believing abortion is murder but also being pro-choice. I admire it in fact. The ability to hold such strong personal feelings but recognising that it's their personal view and that others should be free to make their own decision and have control over their own bodies.

I sometimes have a nightmare that I'm pregnant. I'm 54, so unlikely!
But at 44? Yes I might. That child would be ten now and whilst I know S/he would have drained my energy I also miss the energy of having a child/teenager about . I think my older children would have loved another sibling too!

@godmum56

yes I would have done although it would have meant massive life change. i am 67 now so the subject won't arise. I am not a pro life at any cost person but I don't think its right to abort a child because its not convenient or planned.

Surely just because it wouldn’t be right for you doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be right for another 44yr old?? Everyone is free to make their own choices.

I had my planned 3rd child at 44 when my first two were 11 and 14. It was the best experience and I’m loving seeing the relationship develop between them. So I feel very lucky!

Yes, I would.

God no. I'm 47, my kids are in their early 20s.
I don't think I'd survive if I had to go back to nappies, night feeds and surviving on 2 hours of sleep a night! If I'd had one at 44 they'd be 3 now and I'd be curled up under the bed, hiding.

100% yes. I'm in London and having a baby at 44, no one would bat an eyelid.

We’ve just been through a similar situation.

After two DC in our 30’s, an ectopic pregnancy that nearly killed my wife and a resultant op to remove a Fallopian tube, we were very surprised to be pregnant again at 41. We don’t DTD very often either...

We talked about it a lot, both feeling like this might be one too far. But, ultimately, we couldn’t go through with an abortion. It was a personal decision, and I would have supported my wife if she’d decided otherwise.

As it happens, my wife miscarried last week, just as I was on my way to collect a cot (we’d sold all our baby stuff!).

We feel a bit lost, having reconciled ourselves to doing it all again, now life says it’s all change again.

I don’t know if this helps OP, it’s just my personal experience. Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide.

Yes I would. I was a surprise accident to my mum and dad when mum was 42. There was no question that they would have me even though their 2 existing children were practically adults.

I'd be fairly horrified but also excited!

I don't think so. I'm 38 and I've DC1 who is 6 and DC2 who is nearly 2 and I definitely find it hard at times.

Yes, absolutely
Also in a part of London where having babies in your 40s is more common than having them in your 20s

I would. I did. My best decision ever.

It's insulting to suggest that women are past their best once they hit mid 40s.

Yes it changed my life and plans. That's what becoming a parent means.

Like I always say on these threads everyone will have a different view.

If you had late babies, it all went well and You are now in your 60s, in robust health and keeping up with the needs of your teens, you’re going to think that it’s ridiculous that anyone could think having late babies is a bad idea.

If you, your parents or other close family have suffered ill health starting in your late 50s early 60s (which is actually fairly common) you’re probably not going to think it’s such a wonderful idea.

Also if it’s your first, or you only have small kids, it won’t seem as horrifying as it would if your kids are teens or young adults.

Everyone’s experience of life is different, so everyone’s opinion will be different.