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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
starray · 06/02/2021 16:19

Of course! 44 is not old

2021hastobebetter · 06/02/2021 16:22

I'm older than 44. I had my last at 40 but if I had found out I was pregnant after them -no, I wouldn't.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 06/02/2021 16:24

No. Had my DS at 39 and, in hindsight wish I hadn't waited so long. Having a very active 7 year old and feeling perimenopausal is a rough combo. Wouldn't be without him, but absolutely wouldn't consider doing it again in my 40's.

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Trinacham · 06/02/2021 16:44

Yes. I'm saying that as a currently childless 30 year old who does want children.

BrilliantBetty · 06/02/2021 16:49

Of course! 44 is not old

Of course it is, for conceiving, carrying and raising a baby. Especially a healthy baby with no complications.
We all know that full well.
I don't know why people pretend otherwise.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 06/02/2021 16:51

I'm 44. Yes, but I wouldn't try for one, only if it was a surprise

Kenworthington · 06/02/2021 16:53

No way. I’m 45 and my kids are adults and older teens. I suppose if it was my first I’d be delighted. I don’t know

letsnotscaretheneighbours · 06/02/2021 16:54

43 here. I personally wouldn't but I had children young and I want to travel, etc now (covid allowing). I have friends that lived/travelled/etc and are having babies late 30s early 40s and that was right for them, so I suppose personally no. No judgement for anyone who chooses to.

Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 17:19

Yes any parent could become ill/disabled at any time, but age happens to all of us, and if you have a baby in your mid 40’s, then you’re likely going to be seriously impaired or even dead by the time they’re of an age to want their own children. And having their own families might need to be something they have to put on hold if you are reliant on them or even if they have the emotional burden of knowing their parent is seriously ill/dying.

I am very aware of the ‘at any time’ part, I lost a parent as a young child and also suffered significant physical disabilities myself in my twenties and thirties which delayed me in having children.

Not everyone actually goes through a period even in old age where they are reliant on others for care except at the very end, and if they do it isn’t obligatory to put that burden on your children. My own mother would never have allowed me to provide her care to the extent of derailing my own life in that way, although I do appreciate your point about the emotional stress and the fact that most would not want to abandon a parent. However I know many people who have been pregnant or had a newborn at the time their parents have been ill or died, because that is just how it works out sometimes.

There are aspects of the timing I agree are difficult and disadvantageous, and I am not wanting to underplay how hard that could be. And obviously I am biased! But I choose to see all this as part of life and choose to be happy and positive about new life.

Imapotato · 06/02/2021 17:25

@starray

Of course! 44 is not old
I agree 44 is not old at all in the great scheme of things. It is however right at the end of your fertile years, and there will be more age related risks than 10 years previously.

Having a baby that late wouldn’t be for everyone.

Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 17:26

And another thing Grin I don’t really like these threads about age because at either end of the spectrum they end up bashing people. Recently there have been some horrors about younger teenage mothers and people outraged at them choosing not to terminate. As I said upthread my attitude about having a child while being older is similar to that of being younger in some ways, I would never have chosen to terminate for reasons of age or timing.

Inkpaperstars · 06/02/2021 17:29

I agree 44 is not old at all in the great scheme of things. It is however right at the end of your fertile years, and there will be more age related risks than 10 years previously.

Having a baby that late wouldn’t be for everyone.

This is very true, and my DM was actually made to feel ancient having my sibling at 34! When you are pregnant in your forties you do have to take on the reality of more age related risks, there is no denying that although you can be lucky/unlucky at any age with complications of course.

Mumof1andacat · 06/02/2021 17:30

It would be a no from me as at 44, my son would be 16. I'm 36 at the moment. I dont want more children now or in the future but some people it's what they want so up to them

waterhorse123 · 06/02/2021 17:31

Haha. I did just that. I had three almost grown up children (16, 14 and 12) - well, they could look after themselves quite well. No bottom wiping required. And at 42 I had another. He's 20 now, and at university. Going back in time, even if I'd known what hard work he was going to be (and he was as bad as all three of the others put together) I would still have had him. It was a fun thing to do. Partly it rejuvenated me to have a baby at that age, and partly it's aged me as it was sometimes exhausting. The one good thing was that the three older children loved having a baby brother and were a great help with him.

Dreamyant68 · 06/02/2021 17:40

I was 44 when I had my daughter, my first ( and only!) child. It was definitely a surprise as I’d given up ever having children and took me some time to get my head around it. I was very concerned during pregnancy and scared of miscarriage etc but all was fine. I was once ,when she was tiny , referred to as her grandma! ( didn’t think I looked that bad but some sleepless nights obviously took their toll!!😂😂) . I also keep remembering that when she leaves high school I will be 60 😳.

Tals812 · 06/02/2021 17:42

43 and still trying for our first, so would be elated. Not everyone is lucky to have kids, let alone dictate when.

Skiddlingmama · 06/02/2021 17:42

I know someone that recently had their first baby age 49 through ivf.

godmum56 · 06/02/2021 17:43

yes I would have done although it would have meant massive life change. i am 67 now so the subject won't arise. I am not a pro life at any cost person but I don't think its right to abort a child because its not convenient or planned.

cyclecamper · 06/02/2021 17:44

At 42, despite my husband having a vasectomy before we met, I did. I would have at 44 as well. If I had known I was going to get pregnant I wouldn't have though. He is my only child, I love him. Life would have been easier without him though.

Seeleyboo · 06/02/2021 17:44

I was 43 and had my baby

Purplealienpuke · 06/02/2021 17:46

Had my one and only at 22. Became a grandmother at 38. Started menopause at 40.
Even IF it were possible I wouldn't, no.
My grandchildren wear me out.

frogswimming · 06/02/2021 17:46

Well I had my youngest at 43, as did my mum with me - so yes! I had my first at 35. I don't think it's unusual to have kids at that age. Particularly before reliable contraception. Many had their youngest at that age.

MollyMinniesMum · 06/02/2021 17:46

I am 44, I have no children but have recently got a puppy, that has made me realise that I’m well beyond being able to care for a baby 🤣

HavelockVetinari · 06/02/2021 17:46

Definitely. I believe abortion is killing a baby. In some very restricted circumstances I think it's justified, if the health (including mental) of the mother is at serious risk, but abortion for social reasons is, in my opinion, murder.

However - I am 100% pro choice, it's not for me to restrict others because of my beliefs that they don't share. And I would never ever speak of this in real life, because you never know who might have a tragedy in their own lives.

LindaCartersBun · 06/02/2021 17:49

@HavelockVetinari

Definitely. I believe abortion is killing a baby. In some very restricted circumstances I think it's justified, if the health (including mental) of the mother is at serious risk, but abortion for social reasons is, in my opinion, murder.

However - I am 100% pro choice, it's not for me to restrict others because of my beliefs that they don't share. And I would never ever speak of this in real life, because you never know who might have a tragedy in their own lives.

Well, you’re NOT pro-choice if you think abortion is murder. But that’s another thread!
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