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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
MotherExtraordinaire · 06/02/2021 14:00

I'm mid 40s and would never plan a baby now. But wouldn't abort either. However, I know health wise it would be a nightmare.

VinylDetective · 06/02/2021 14:01

I don't understand those saying if you had your first when young you wouldn't want to go through it again with an age gap

But that’s you. I wouldn’t have wanted a 23 year age gap with the older child having already left home. Nearly 40 years of my life spent child rearing? No thanks.

Swingometer · 06/02/2021 14:04

Agree with above, its not the gap that's the problem so much as the spending 40 years of your life raising kids!

For most of us, 20 years is more than enough Smile

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Tobebythesea · 06/02/2021 14:08

No. I’m nearly 38 and exhausted with 2 pre-schoolers. If I didn’t already have children then I probably would go ahead.

OldChinaJug · 06/02/2021 14:10

No. I've prioritised my children for 23 years.

I'm 45 and the youngest is heading towards independence. It's time for me to live my life again now. There is absolutely nothing that would lead me to have another baby. Not even becoming pregnant.

I've known that since I had my youngest at 31.

lockeddownandcrazy · 06/02/2021 14:13

yes I would go ahead but only if tests came up clear for the foetus.

RuggeryBuggery · 06/02/2021 14:13

I’d find it a very difficult decision.
Having had kids at age 26, 30 and 34 I already feel like I’ve been at this parenting thing for years. So another 10 years after dc3 and 18 years after dc21? That would be tough. Kids would be 18, 14/15 and 10 plus newborn? Wow. Suppose the older ones might be up for helping 😂

MerlinsSaggyLeftTit · 06/02/2021 14:13

I wouldn't, but that is because I know I am totally done with the baby phase of my life. It's been hard, I've loved it, and it's over. If my circumstances were different, my answer would probably be different. I can only speak for myself.

Pyewhacket · 06/02/2021 14:14

No , but it wouldn’t be an easy decision.

OnlyToWin · 06/02/2021 14:16

I would have the baby and love it if course, but shudder at the thought of having teenagers in my 50s.

MotherExtraordinaire · 06/02/2021 14:20

It's interesting, as I was an older mum, 39 when my lo was born.
My objections are the physical side of managing.
But I'd still never abort.
Hwiever, without being pessimistic, statistics state the pregnancy would most likely end in a miscarriage....

Ploughingthrough · 06/02/2021 14:23

Personally no but my DC would be 15 and 17 by then and that is not an age gap I am after!

LBOCS2 · 06/02/2021 14:30

I'm in London and a lot of people I know, from school and university, are now having their firsts at 35/36.

DM was 38 when she had me and 42 when she had my DSis so the idea of being an older mother doesn't bother me and if it were my first or similar then I wouldn't have any problem with it at 44.

As it is, we've got a 13yo, an 8yo and a 4yo and I'm 35 now. If I found out I was pregnant at 44, in 9 years, and my youngest was 13, I would probably seriously consider termination. I'm done raising small children, I want to be able to prioritise my life. We've already written off having any more because we don't want to go back to the baby stage, so leaving it almost ten years and then doing it would be even worse!

Figgygal · 06/02/2021 14:33

My kids would be 13 and 9 I
Dh would be 50
I’d be devastated and not looking for to start. Again

krustykittens · 06/02/2021 14:39

I honestly don't know. My kids are 19 and 16 and after years of working in a part time job that fitted around them and putting them first all the time, it would be hard to go back to being a full time mum of a small child. I know my DH wouldn't want to. We have been there and done that and would like to start living lives that are a little bit more about us for a change. But then I see a gurgling new born and I melt....If I were in my 40s and didn't have any children, then I would have it without a thought. I always wanted to have children and I don't think I would give up the chance, whenever it came long in my life.

Willowkins · 06/02/2021 15:13

I did have a baby at 44 and I feel truly blessed to still have both my DC at home with me now that I'm 60.

Willowkins · 06/02/2021 15:15

(I will say though that I had my first DC at 41 so I'd spent my life up to then having fun and getting good sleep)

Miseryl · 06/02/2021 15:27

My children would be 18 and 8, so definitely too old for any siblings. It would be incredibly difficult to have an abortion though, I've always been sure I'd never be able to go through with one.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 06/02/2021 15:29

I'd have been overjoyed. I sadly never succeeded in producing babies so adopted instead. My DSis had a baby at 43 after years of infertility and gets on fine being almost 50 and having a 6 year old.

AlternativePerspective · 06/02/2021 15:29

I have some health problems so if I got pregnant I would almost certainly have to terminate anyway.

However, if I weren’t in the position there is no way I would want to have a baby at 44.

TBH most people say that “I loved the baby days/loved being a mummy/loved playing with them and doing the school run etc,” but few people seem to think past that to the point where you’re in your 60’s with a teenager who is still reliant on you for emotional and often financial support, and that 10 years on from that you could well be placing the burden on your still young adult children of having to deal with your potential health issues, deciding your care etc when they’re only just starting out in their own lives.

Yes any parent could become ill/disabled at any time, but age happens to all of us, and if you have a baby in your mid 40’s, then you’re likely going to be seriously impaired or even dead by the time they’re of an age to want their own children. And having their own families might need to be something they have to put on hold if you are reliant on them or even if they have the emotional burden of knowing their parent is seriously ill/dying.

BrilliantBetty · 06/02/2021 15:35

@AlternativePerspective Well put.
I've always thought exactly this but never been able to put the right words together to explain.

TableFlowerss · 06/02/2021 15:57

@AlternativePerspective

I have some health problems so if I got pregnant I would almost certainly have to terminate anyway.

However, if I weren’t in the position there is no way I would want to have a baby at 44.

TBH most people say that “I loved the baby days/loved being a mummy/loved playing with them and doing the school run etc,” but few people seem to think past that to the point where you’re in your 60’s with a teenager who is still reliant on you for emotional and often financial support, and that 10 years on from that you could well be placing the burden on your still young adult children of having to deal with your potential health issues, deciding your care etc when they’re only just starting out in their own lives.

Yes any parent could become ill/disabled at any time, but age happens to all of us, and if you have a baby in your mid 40’s, then you’re likely going to be seriously impaired or even dead by the time they’re of an age to want their own children. And having their own families might need to be something they have to put on hold if you are reliant on them or even if they have the emotional burden of knowing their parent is seriously ill/dying.

The ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ are just that. No one knows what’s around the corner in general so you can’t live your life worrying about what could/might happen.

If you’ve got health problems yourself, how would you have felt if someone suggested it wouldn’t be fair for you to have children at all, incase you burden them with your health needs?

Where should people draw the line? There’s never a perfect time to have a baby in general, so people have to make the most of their circumstances.

Judging by your comments, you would disapprove of someone that has been through IVF and finally get the great news they’re pregnant at 44?

At the end of the day, people can be as opinionated as they want, but it’s no ones business to judge!

Tootshoots · 06/02/2021 16:08

Nope absolutely not.

MotherExtraordinaire · 06/02/2021 16:12

@AlternativePerspective

I have some health problems so if I got pregnant I would almost certainly have to terminate anyway.

However, if I weren’t in the position there is no way I would want to have a baby at 44.

TBH most people say that “I loved the baby days/loved being a mummy/loved playing with them and doing the school run etc,” but few people seem to think past that to the point where you’re in your 60’s with a teenager who is still reliant on you for emotional and often financial support, and that 10 years on from that you could well be placing the burden on your still young adult children of having to deal with your potential health issues, deciding your care etc when they’re only just starting out in their own lives.

Yes any parent could become ill/disabled at any time, but age happens to all of us, and if you have a baby in your mid 40’s, then you’re likely going to be seriously impaired or even dead by the time they’re of an age to want their own children. And having their own families might need to be something they have to put on hold if you are reliant on them or even if they have the emotional burden of knowing their parent is seriously ill/dying.

Great if life worked out well for you, but for plenty of women this isn't the case. Me for example. However, having a baby at 40 versus 45 is, imo, a different ball game.

That said, I know of women of 43 and 44 both ttc when they have teens sitting exams.... So they don't seem to mind.... Likewise many with new partners decide to as well...

unmarkedbythat · 06/02/2021 16:15

I wouldn't consider it for a moment. I'd be in touch with BPAS to arrange a termination as soon as I saw two lines on a test. I am never having another baby. No room for discussion.