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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Whatafool123 · 06/02/2021 11:45

Yes definitely. I had one at 41 and one at 48 (neither natural conceptions) so would have definitely have gone for it at 44. I am only 52 now so can’t speak to the teen years while I am in my 60s, but all good so far.

Someone made a point about older people with babies living longer. I don’t know about that, but I can say that having DD when I was 41 gave my parents a new lease of life that was visible. They were just settling into being elderly at around 70 and suddenly had a granddaughter to run after (we live close by). You could actually see the years drop off them. My mum says the same. They got another bounce with DS 3 years ago but sadly coronavirus has put paid to all that. My mum especially seems so much older. I hope this is over soon.

umpteennamechanges · 06/02/2021 11:52

Advanced age Grin

It's a very normal age for women to be having their 2nd or 3rd in the South East.

Most don't start having children in my circles until 35-38 ish.

Marmite27 · 06/02/2021 11:54

Probably. My other children would be 6 and 8, so not a massive gap.

If they had been a lot older, probably not.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
LindaCartersBun · 06/02/2021 11:57

@umpteennamechanges

Is it ‘very normal’ though?

I’m in London, in quite middle class professional circles known for starting families later - and although I know lots of women who had babies at 35-40, I don’t know anyone who had a baby past 41/42.

Not that it matters. Each to their own! But I still think of it as quite unusual to have a baby at 44.

Phoebesgift · 06/02/2021 12:00

I had my two very close together in my late 30s. The early years nearly broke me mentally. I honestly don't think I could've gone through it again in my 40's. That said, you never really know what you'd actually do until faced with the reality.

umpteennamechanges · 06/02/2021 12:01

In my circle it is...

Out of ten close friends I have two that are TTC their first at the moment and they're 42 & 43.

I'm 39 this year and haven't started trying yet for various reasons (not least being financially impacted by the pandemic). Depending on how things go fertility and miscarriage wise I could easily be 44 by the time it happens.

I think 35 is the youngest anyone I'm close to down here has had their first.

umpteennamechanges · 06/02/2021 12:03

Obviously a lot depends on life circumstances as well.

I can understand why those who had DC earlier wouldn't want to go back to starting all over again later.

Quite a different scenario if it's your first.

thelegohooverer · 06/02/2021 12:08

I had a pregnancy scare at 43 during a very intense period of baby lust and it was like a bucket of cold water! It would have completely scuppered our life plans, I wasn’t confident our relationship would take the strain well, and my lovely memories of baby arms on my neck were suddenly replaced with physical memories of the dragging my exhausted body out of bed several times a night for years.
I would have gone through with it because I don’t think I could cope with an abortion but it was a massive relief not to have to. And even though the sense of wanting a child is still torturously strong, it’s enough of a reminder to keep a steady head.
I think it very much depends on what else is in your life, what plans you have and whether you have or want children as well as economics and your state of health.

Betty000 · 06/02/2021 12:09

I would say no. My dcs are now 16 and 10, both with ASD so another would be a struggle BUT if I did fall pregnant, I could never abort a healthy baby so I’d just get on with it and pray for the best!! Those early sleep knights though........

Betty000 · 06/02/2021 12:09

Obviously by Sleep Knights I mean sleepless nights Hmm

HurricaneBitch · 06/02/2021 12:10

I had my babies at 34 and 38, I'm 53 now and most certainly could cope with a 9 year old, no problem. That said, if I'd found myself pg at 44 I'd have had it but no way would I have tried. We're all different though, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at someone else pg at that age.

MTBer2021 · 06/02/2021 12:15

legohooverer I totally relate to early 40s baby lust. I think it must be v common but just not talked about openly. Most make head vs heart decisions when faced with it I think but an unplanned pregnancy throws a curve ball sometimes. Due to fertility issues, any early 40s baby would almost certainly have needed planning and fertility treatment so there was plenty of time for the head to dominate the heart and for me it eventually did. For me, I felt that just because we in theory still could, it wasn't necessarily that we should. That was thinking of our family as a whole, and my relationship with my husband, not just my own baby fever. It's tough.

YourWurstNightmare · 06/02/2021 12:32

I’m in London, in quite middle class professional circles known for starting families later - and although I know lots of women who had babies at 35-40, I don’t know anyone who had a baby past 41/42.

I'm in London, similar circles and EVERY 40-something woman I know up to 45 is either pregnant or has just had a baby.

MTBer2021 · 06/02/2021 13:03

YourWurstNightmare interested to know are the pregnant over 40-45s you mention all having a 1st baby or a speedy sibling for a singleton? And are they in quite new relationships? Or are there any age gap / change of life babies in there?

ValancyRedfern · 06/02/2021 13:17

Yourwurstnightmare are the circles you move in very wealthy? I'm wondering what assistance was available to aid conception for the 40 somethings you know with babies. I have many friends who have been ttc in their 40s and sadly none have been successful. Several miscarriages but no babies.

MrsSimonBasset · 06/02/2021 13:19

@umpteennamechanges

Advanced age Grin

It's a very normal age for women to be having their 2nd or 3rd in the South East.

Most don't start having children in my circles until 35-38 ish.

In the South East?Hmm ReallyGrin? Also I remember that women over 35 who were pregnant with their first were callled geriatric mothers by their doctors.
Itsjustaride8w737 · 06/02/2021 13:21

No, i wouldn't.

I had dd age 18 and now pregnant age 31, hoping for one more before 35 then I'm done!

SionnachRua · 06/02/2021 13:22

I'd abort. Having a 5 year old at 50 is not for me.

feelingdizzy · 06/02/2021 13:28

I'm about this age my kids are 17 and 19 , so I don't think I would have the heart to do it all again. I think because I had my kids in my 20s babies seem very distant but perhaps if had younger kids and had them in my late 30s or 40s I would feel different.
I've done this bit of child rearing ( single parent) Im very ready for the next bit of my life .

Crunchymum · 06/02/2021 13:36

I would have an abortion.

I'd have to as I take a medication which isn't compatible with pregnancy (you need to be x3 months clear before TTC) but I don't want anymore children.

I'd be disappointed to be in the position but I'd be 100% certain of my decision.

WorriedMillie · 06/02/2021 13:39

If I became pregnant accidentally, I’d go for it, but I wouldn’t be actively trying to get pregnant at 44.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 06/02/2021 13:41

I would be utterly devastated as DS would be 17 and I would be moving into the next stage of my life. Not sure whether I would abort or not though. Working hard to avoid this situation by using two very reliable forms of contraception!

Dustyhedge · 06/02/2021 13:46

Hell no. Mine would be teens and in a completely different life phase.I’m knackered with two small people now. For all the posters that say it is totally normal to wait until 40s the stats aren’t exactly rosey. It may be normal in some circles but are it is a potential route to a lot of heartbreak.

Strokethefurrywall · 06/02/2021 13:56

I'd be devastated. I'm 41 now and I live on an Christian island where terminations aren't an option (regardless of private healthcare).

In a normal life I'd fly to Miami and deal with it but borders are closed due to Covid so I wouldn't even be able to exercise my right to choose right now.

I'd have the baby and get used to the idea (I always wanted 3) but it would change all our futures and I'm not sure for the better... I'd hate to be in that position.

WishIWasSomewhereElse · 06/02/2021 13:58

I don't understand those saying if you had your first when young you wouldn't want to go through it again with an age gap.

I was 21 when I had my first, 40 when I had my second (my husband also had a son the same age as my first). I had another at nearly 42, but they died.

My second loves having older siblings and they love their little sibling. I could have enjoyed life once my first was grown, but in a way it was more enjoyable the second time round. I kind of 'grew up' with my first.

It wasn't intentional, I never wanted just one, but circumstances prevented me from having another when still young (always the wrong guy).

I think planning is all well and good, but lots of us are kind of stuck with how life unfolds.