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Original poster

If you were 44 and found out you were pregnant?

688 replies

HillsHaveEyez · 05/02/2021 21:00

Would you have it?

I’m not asking for advice for myself. Just interested in whether you personally would go ahead with a surprise pregnancy at such an advanced age.

OP posts:
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 10:02

I have three kids ranging from 8 months to 13.5 years. I'm 40 and she was planned (fiancé's only bio child, he's 45).
I knew the baby/toddler years would have their challenges but nothing prepared me for having a teenage son!!!!
When my middle son turns teenager, my eldest will be 16 and my daughter will be nearly 3. Oh the fun(!)
I wouldn't change it but if I found myself pregnant again I wouldn't be able to keep the baby for many reasons.

Ohalrightthen · 06/02/2021 10:05

No. When I'm 44 my children will be 18 and 16, absolutely no way I'm having another.

VividImagination · 06/02/2021 10:11

I had ds3 at 42 after a nine year gap so yes, if I had found myself accidentally pregnant at 44, I would have gone ahead and would probably have been secretly quite pleased. I have several friends who have had babies at that age (one, her fifth). I’m 56 now and he’s a helpful, well behaved teenager so all is well but I increasingly appreciate how lucky I am. In retrospect, another baby would not have been in the best interests of the family.

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Ickiness · 06/02/2021 10:25

I had a surprise pregnancy at 43 - went ahead with it, didn’t find out until about 15 weeks, easy pregnancy, now got a lovely 2 year old boy, I turn 46 in a couple of days
I also have a daughter who is nearly 20 so was a second pregnancy for me

MTBer2021 · 06/02/2021 10:27

I read somewhere recently that births to much older mothers are now more prevalent than births to very young mothers. But both categories are still very small relative to the total births annually. I know no one in RL who has had a baby past 42.
I guess the title of a thread attracts a self selecting cohort of respondent but there are so many posters here who say they've had babies at 43,44 and older. I'm surprised.

Personally, I'm close to 44 and have considered another baby. It would be a third in my case. I have debated the issues long and hard for over a year and I think hand on heart that biology and my age are a huge factor in this even being something I've considered. I have decided against finally. I have huge trepidation about pregnancy and birth due to previous losses and fertility issues and it's a further pregnancy as much as my age that I can't get comfortable with. The impact on my existing children - who I feel incredibly lucky to have - if there were complications with either myself or another baby are a big factor in my decision. I had my youngest close to 40 after losses and that was stressful enough. (I envy those who suffer fertility issues and losses and yet are courageous enough to go on an build a larger family.)

So I wouldn't chose to get pregnant and 44 and an unplanned pregnancy at 44 would be very anxiety inducing for me. I would not be able to another though unless there was a real danger to me or baby found in screening.

A PP claimed that evidence shows that those who conceive and birth after 40 live longer. Interested to see what that evidence is.

LittleBoPeep95 · 06/02/2021 10:29

No way!!

When I'm 44 my children will be 29, 26, 24 and 22. There's a chance I could be a grandma by then!

rhowton · 06/02/2021 10:38

I would terminate! I can't afford more than 2! Luckily, we have two forms of birth control (vasectomy and Mirena coil) so VERY unlikely to get pregnant!

FluffyBlueJumper · 06/02/2021 10:39

I would be horrified but I would have the baby. I could not have a termination.

angelaEhen · 06/02/2021 10:46

I would definitely keep, I'm 40 at the moment and I don't feel to old

JaninaDuszejko · 06/02/2021 10:47

I think it will depend where you are in your child rearing life. At 44 my Mum had a 20 year old whereas when I was 44 I had a 2 year old. The circumstances are completely different.

Cam2020 · 06/02/2021 10:53

Assuming nothing terrible had happened to my health/finances between now and then then I probably would have it, although it would take a bit of coming round to the idea.

MythSpentYouth · 06/02/2021 10:55

I had a baby at 43.
I was cut and healthy, still am.
Conceived immediately, first month of trying. Had a problem free pg and birth, and didn’t find havjng a newborn and toddler any harder than anyone else. Breastfed for over a year. Half my NCT ante natal and tea groups were 39+.

No issues as a parent of teens. Get on well with all the friends, who like coming to our house. Lots of active family activities.

Alongside my friends we go to gigs, parties, active adventure holidays.

I just don’t recognise these poor ‘elderly’ 60 year olds doddering through late parenthood in elasticated waist slacks that loom in the minds of posters on these threads.

Though tbf this hasn’t been as bad as some

MrsDThomas · 06/02/2021 11:16

No. Id have an abortion.

Hyperfish101 · 06/02/2021 11:17

Thankyou @MythSpentYouth that’s like my experience too!

Taikoo · 06/02/2021 11:19

Nope.

MTBer2021 · 06/02/2021 11:21

MythSpentYouth congrats, lovely story.
Was it your 1st and only baby at 43?

MadameBlobby · 06/02/2021 11:22

No

Bythemillpond · 06/02/2021 11:23

MythSpentYouth exactly my experience.

MadameBlobby · 06/02/2021 11:23

@IdesMarchof

I think saying “advanced” is already making a lot of assumptions. My SIL just had much wanted and planned dd3 at 43. Two friends both had first babies also both dds at 46
My gran had twins at 43. There’s still no denying it’s an advanced age for women to have children.
Bythemillpond · 06/02/2021 11:26

A PP claimed that evidence shows that those who conceive and birth after 40 live longer. Interested to see what that evidence is

I think you have to be in relatively good health to conceive at 40+ so I presume that this means you haven’t started to “decay” by then.
I know there is some science behind it as I too have read something similar.

MondeoFan · 06/02/2021 11:30

Yes I would I had a baby at 43 so would have been delighted at 44 especially if it was planned

MondeoFan · 06/02/2021 11:32

@MythSpentYouth

This is my experience too having a baby at 43 same as you. I'm not old and don't feel old. I am 48 now

MTBer2021 · 06/02/2021 11:33

MadameBlobby yes agree, and the likelihood of multiples increases with a natural conception at an older age. That is something to consider especially if you have other children already.

Miscarriage risk is also much higher, so even though conceiving at 40+ might seem a success in itself, it does come with increased risks.

What is ideal will vary from person to person and the extreme old and young mothers demonstrate the wide range of childbearing potential at a population level but not all individuals will be able to conceive from the ages of 9 to 51, and it certainly wouldn't be advised or desirable for many (9 being v v different in other ways to 40 or 50 obviously!!!).

While I know many many active and healthy 60 and 70 year olds and even older, it is also an undeniable fact that ageing brings health problems for many. Personally I would rather not hedge my bets. While no one knows what is around the corner for any of us, today or tomorrow at any age, my personal risk calculation is not to plan a baby at 44 or older. But I have two children and may feel differently if I had none and badly wanted them. I would make a different risk / benefit assessment then I'm sure.

MTBer2021 · 06/02/2021 11:36

Bythemillpond interesting. I'll look it up. Do the findings only relate to natural conceptions or does it include IVF and donor conception too?

OneForTheRoadThen · 06/02/2021 11:40

God no, absolutely not. My youngest is almost 3 and I just can't go through the sleepless nights and toddler years again.