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Original poster

What's the worst advice you've had from MN?

277 replies

Dinkydonkytonk · 01/02/2021 09:51

I have personally received some good advice from this site, however with all the LTB! and other extreme reactions I want to know if anyone has had some truly awful advice from MN?
Or did you follow advice but it turned out to be the wrong decision?
Or did you really LTB but regretted it?

OP posts:
carpetstress · 01/02/2021 10:07

I posted once in real upset and confusion about a family issue. I got some great bits of advice, but amongst them several posters insisted that I should pack up my baby and husband in the middle of the night, storm out of my family member's rural home by taxi, and stay in a hotel.

Generally I think the anonymity of the site allows a lot of advice to run 'hot' - taking actions in the middle of an upset that could irrevocably rupture relationships.

There's also a LOT of 'book into a hotel' /'go to a spa' on MN - I think some posters genuinely don't understand that the vast majority of the population can't drop £££ like that on a whim!

flowers08 · 01/02/2021 10:08

yes, I was told to turn a blind eye and that it was nothing to do with me when I thought my friends children were being neglected due to her spending money on cigarettes and drink.

lots of mind your own business, it's up to her if she smokes, i'm sure she still provides for her kids, we all have our vices, that I wasn't a good friend and had posted online for people to slag her off, all of this kind of stuff.

Her kids are now in the care of their grandparents thankfully, I won't go into detail about what was the final shove in that situation but it was far worse than I realised.

flowers08 · 01/02/2021 10:10

should say all their money on*

BashfulClam · 01/02/2021 10:25

I complained about being given old tat by mil constantly as at least she’s still alive! All I wanted was to be lighthearted about more shite bring foisted in us that we then need to get rid of. Honestly that posted would not stop, I offered to send all shite to hefin future is she would be grateful!!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 01/02/2021 10:32

There’s always one who, when someone sits a lighthearted comment about their DH driving them nuts by wearing the dressing gown of doom or snoring or being obsessed with the dog or whatever, says something like;

‘At least you have a DH and weren’t widowed at the age of 29, therefore giving up all your dreams of having children and being with the love of your life, think about that next time you moan about something so trivial!’

I mean, there’s a time and a place.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 01/02/2021 10:37

I think the worst advice I ever had was about my landlord who was a total bellend, awful man who tried to intimidate me with making up laws about tenancy that didn’t exist, such as him having every right to enter the property for any reason as long as he gave 24 hours notice, and a poster said to go round to his house and tell his wife what a horrible man she was married to, and see if he would intimidate me in front of her, but also be on the phone to the police at the sake time so they could listen 😅

PegasusReturns · 01/02/2021 10:39

I posted (under another name) regarding a work decision almost ten years ago.

After a number of years as a SAHM I’d been offered two roles one a straight forward part time admin plus sort of role, the second a more “advanced” role using my qualifications but full on and with some travel.

To a person everyone said I should take the more straight forward role, my DC were young and I could always ramp up at a later date.

I ignored that advice and took the other role and it transformed my life. After a short time I was headhunted into another job earning more than I could imagine. I travelled to over 50 countries, had experiences I couldn’t dream of. I then set up my own company which was very successful and sold it a few years later.

My day to day life bears no resemblance to the one I was living 10 years ago.

It was very well meaning advice but I’m glad I ignored it Smile

GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 10:39

I've never asked MN for advice! But the worst I see is LTB or go NC with family.
What's wrong with working through problems and talking about them?! Being open and honest and actually trying is much better then just running off in a huff and leaving people who live you but sometimes piss you off!

GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 10:42

@PegasusReturns

I posted (under another name) regarding a work decision almost ten years ago.

After a number of years as a SAHM I’d been offered two roles one a straight forward part time admin plus sort of role, the second a more “advanced” role using my qualifications but full on and with some travel.

To a person everyone said I should take the more straight forward role, my DC were young and I could always ramp up at a later date.

I ignored that advice and took the other role and it transformed my life. After a short time I was headhunted into another job earning more than I could imagine. I travelled to over 50 countries, had experiences I couldn’t dream of. I then set up my own company which was very successful and sold it a few years later.

My day to day life bears no resemblance to the one I was living 10 years ago.

It was very well meaning advice but I’m glad I ignored it Smile

I would have probably told you to take the easier job!! Grin Well done on going for it. What an amazing achievement and sense of satisfaction!
StormBaby · 01/02/2021 10:42

I now take all advice with a pinch of salt since I realised I know two women on here who post complete fabrications of their life. They should not be giving out parenting or relationship advice. Ever.

VinterKvinna · 01/02/2021 10:44

@StormBaby

I now take all advice with a pinch of salt since I realised I know two women on here who post complete fabrications of their life. They should not be giving out parenting or relationship advice. Ever.
only 2?
GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 10:46

@StormBaby

I now take all advice with a pinch of salt since I realised I know two women on here who post complete fabrications of their life. They should not be giving out parenting or relationship advice. Ever.
I've found a friend on here too... There were quite a few lies in her posts! She exaggerated the size of her house and the job her husband did. She also seems really easy going and level headed on Mumsnet but in real life she has a lot of drama in her life!
Avaganda · 01/02/2021 10:55

I'm always shocked when a poster says that her DH/P is neglectful and a shit parent, that she then gets lots of advice to leave the children with him for a weekend so she can go to a spa! Whilst she absolutely deserves the break, the idea of leaving small children alone with an arsehole father fills me with horror.

AllMyPrettyOnes · 01/02/2021 10:57

@GoodbyeH

I've never asked MN for advice! But the worst I see is LTB or go NC with family. What's wrong with working through problems and talking about them?! Being open and honest and actually trying is much better then just running off in a huff and leaving people who live you but sometimes piss you off!
This.

Some people seem to actually believe it's normal to cut your mother out of your life over a tiny fault. As if it's just as easy as that!

I'd have no family whatsoever if I fucked them all off over disagreements we've had.

Sparklesocks · 01/02/2021 10:59

I once posted about a delicate situation with a very close friend I’d known for years who was having a bad time of it, but was also lashing out at people and being quite difficult - even nasty - and I wasn’t sure the best way to manage it.

Most posters were lovely and spoke about acknowledging her difficulties but also not having to accept being treated poorly. I managed to have a very frank conversation with my friend and she hadn’t realised the impact her behaviour was having and understood people meant well. It also allowed me to understand more about how she was feeling and see her outbursts were because she couldn’t cope. She ended up getting counselling and we are good friends to this day.

But one poster had suggested I texted her with this long message which they’d drafted - it essentially said that she was selfish for making it all about her, and she’s lucky people still cared after all this, and what a nightmare she’d been, and life was too short so I’d be ending the friendship unless she did something drastic to make it up to me. It was really abrupt and cold. Obviously I didn’t follow it - but it made me wonder how people like that talk to their loved ones!!

Ohalrightthen · 01/02/2021 10:59

Urghhhhh being told constantly that the solution to whatever issue I'm having with my baby's sleep is to have her in the bed with me, despite saying that cosleeping doesn't work for us in the OP. MN is fuckig evangelical about cosleeping.

BobbinAround · 01/02/2021 11:03

There was one a while back when the poster was supposed to be going on holiday but had just realised that DC's passport had expired.

The advice "Do you have a nephew that looks a bit like them or is a similar age? Maybe you could borrow their passport as I doubt anyone would check that closely." Shock

HappygoesLucy · 01/02/2021 11:08

I asked for some advice in the tattoo section about caring for a tattoo. Got told I was a satan worshipper by literally every fucking person who replied on a 2 page thread. Not one comment was actually helpful.

Also asked for some house-moving advice as well as financial and legal as I was moving in with my boyfriend who bought our house. He works and I don't (our choice, there's no need for me to work and he loves his job). We both arranged how our finances would work and settled on having a joint account for bills, a savings account and then we split what's left 50/50 for fun money. Those who replied said he was abusive for giving me an 'allowance' and he was infantilising me. Well goo goo ga ga bitches

CloudPop · 01/02/2021 11:08

@Ohalrightthen

Urghhhhh being told constantly that the solution to whatever issue I'm having with my baby's sleep is to have her in the bed with me, despite saying that cosleeping doesn't work for us in the OP. MN is fuckig evangelical about cosleeping.
Until they are at least 8 years old.
HappygoesLucy · 01/02/2021 11:15

One of the worst I've seen was a SAHM complaining about how when her FT husband came home and she asked how he was, he said 'tired' before cooking dinner and doing the bedtime bathtime routine with the kids while he prompted her to sit back and relax. She was aggressively angry that he dared to complain about being tired when she'd been at home with 2 kids all day but also found a way to be angry that he'd let her sit down in front of the tv while he put the kids to bed. He was flamed in the replies and called a deadbeat dad and she was told to LTB.

Also the one about treating an itchy, inflamed and smelly vagina by covering it in slices of cucumbers wasn't too great. Envy (Certainly not envy)

GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 11:15

@HappygoesLucy

I asked for some advice in the tattoo section about caring for a tattoo. Got told I was a satan worshipper by literally every fucking person who replied on a 2 page thread. Not one comment was actually helpful.

Also asked for some house-moving advice as well as financial and legal as I was moving in with my boyfriend who bought our house. He works and I don't (our choice, there's no need for me to work and he loves his job). We both arranged how our finances would work and settled on having a joint account for bills, a savings account and then we split what's left 50/50 for fun money. Those who replied said he was abusive for giving me an 'allowance' and he was infantilising me. Well goo goo ga ga bitches

Wow! Was it a tattoo of the devil slaughtering Jesus or something?! Grin
AllMyPrettyOnes · 01/02/2021 11:23

Wow! Was it a tattoo of the devil slaughtering Jesus or something?! grin

More likely to be the fact some people on MN think if you have a tattoo, you're the scum of the earth, probably live in a council house, and have no job prospects. Grin

CaptainVanesHair · 01/02/2021 11:24

I think for me it’s when people are worried about problems their external family are having and people say they’re adults, leave them to it, why are you so involved?

Are people really living so separately to their parents, siblings etc that you don’t all talk about things and want to find a way you can help? It’s as if posters think you’re meddling rather than having a genuinely close family.

LaBellina · 01/02/2021 11:26

I have only gotten very good advice here so far but I noticed that MN-ers very easily advice others to LTB. Sometimes that’s completely justified but sometimes the advice is given too easily imo.

WalrusWife · 01/02/2021 11:33

Under a previous name, I was told to LTB because the man I was dating at the time was abroad with work for a couple of weeks and I barely heard from him. “If he wanted you OP, he would make an effort, I would bin him” type posts on here.

Nearly 4 years later we are happily married with a baby on the way. He’s not great at replying to messages to anybody - but he’s got a lot better with me!