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Original poster

What's the worst advice you've had from MN?

277 replies

Dinkydonkytonk · 01/02/2021 09:51

I have personally received some good advice from this site, however with all the LTB! and other extreme reactions I want to know if anyone has had some truly awful advice from MN?
Or did you follow advice but it turned out to be the wrong decision?
Or did you really LTB but regretted it?

OP posts:
Whalespeak · 07/02/2021 11:37

I once read something that said you realise how much misinformation there is in the Internet when its a subject you know well, but when its a subject you don't know you assume people are right.

I work in a specific health care sector and constantly see out of date or incorrect advise given. Some people really confidently tell people to demand xyz, that services have to do or that its illegal, when it is not.

There's a current thread about social care funding where there's lots of confidently wrong posters.

It makes me realise that I've over estimated how reliable the advice I've been given is.

Doublefaced · 07/02/2021 11:39

The ‘medical’ advice is scary.
And dangerous.
I really think MNHQ need to be more on the ball with policing those threads.

SecretSpAD · 07/02/2021 11:43

@rawalpindithelabrador to be fair my dog does tend to be the absolute centre of everyone's universe in this house ams is treated like a god 😂

Doublefaced · 07/02/2021 11:44

And yes the absolute certainty with which some posters inform an OP that they are absolutely entitled to X Y or Z and must not take NO for an answer when it comes to health and social care. There are massive regional variations in provision/funding and services across the UK yet poster after poster fails to recognise that.

FlyingFaster · 07/02/2021 11:56

Nah, that advice only stands until they are two. After that, they should be washing their own clothes, cooking for the rest of the family at least one night a week, and getting a part-time job mowing lawns for elderly neighbours (or some other highly-specific and extremely niche job) if they want pocket money

And at the stroke of midnight the day of their 18th birthday, they must pay 1/3 of the rent, do all their own washing and cleaning and cooking because now they are adults.

CharityDingle · 07/02/2021 12:05

@Doublefaced

And yes the absolute certainty with which some posters inform an OP that they are absolutely entitled to X Y or Z and must not take NO for an answer when it comes to health and social care. There are massive regional variations in provision/funding and services across the UK yet poster after poster fails to recognise that.
And there are posters from many different countries on MN.
Gwenhwyfar · 07/02/2021 12:13

@RedWhineandgo

Right. Deep breath and hard hat.

ANYTHING to do with infidelity always gets really emotive responses. I've just finished a book by Ester Perel (mating in captivity) and I agree with her in that we have no tolerance for infidelity but we do for divorce (as a society). She's right. Cheating happens. People cheat. It's awful and horrible but it happens. As sure as we have night and day. There is rarely any good advice about being cheated on (always sign up to chump lady and LTB) or being involved in an affair.

There is never any discussion about affairs on here that doesn't turn nasty.

A few years ago a woman did an AMA about staying with her husband after he cheated. People were so fucking rude to her. Name calling, telling her she was deluded etc.

I think there are FAR worse things in life but on here there is rarely any kind of discussion. We know it goes on, so why can't it be talked about?

Oh and advice in dog house and anything to do with strip clubs. Always so polarised.

I don't know what would be worse actually - having an affair, breeding a cockerpoo or watching porn.

I have noticed this too. I'm long-term single so no skin in the game, but I've come to the conclusion that some on MN think they can stop infidelity by getting women to leave cheating men and I think that's what accounts for both the black and white view of infidelity and the disgust for any woman who stays.
FuckingFabulous · 07/02/2021 12:18

To stop playing God with my kids and my ex and let them have a relationship after he was arrested, charged and imprisoned for multiple child sex offences. Apparently I would be doing untold damage to my kids if I didn't support him having access to them!

FuckingFabulous · 07/02/2021 12:21

One thing that makes me grit my teeth and raises my body temp a few degrees is when a woman posts, clearly upset at the way her husband/partner/kids are taking her for granted, and these two responses come up almost immediately

"You've done this to yourself by being such a martyr"

"Go on strike. Literally do nothing for any of them."

Aria999 · 07/02/2021 12:28

Nah, that advice only stands until they are two. After that, they should be washing their own clothes, cooking for the rest of the family at least one night a week, and getting a part-time job mowing lawns for elderly neighbours (or some other highly-specific and extremely niche job) if they want pocket money.

🤣 my 5yo hasn't got the memo

Aria999 · 07/02/2021 12:30

@FuckingFabulous

To stop playing God with my kids and my ex and let them have a relationship after he was arrested, charged and imprisoned for multiple child sex offences. Apparently I would be doing untold damage to my kids if I didn't support him having access to them!
That's awful
burritofan · 07/02/2021 12:42

A poster was being repeatedly sexually harassed at work and, instead of telling her to log the incidents and take it to line manager/HR, majority of posters advised along the lines of “make jokes back to him about his tiny, soft willy”. One of the posts along these lines was hands-down the worst advice I’d read on the entire internet; the username stuck in my mind and every time I see it, the advice is inevitably the complete opposite of anything a sane person would recommend or do. Quite profile too but either mad or deliberately unhelpful for kicks.

Bedtimebear40 · 07/02/2021 12:49

Under an old account, I got told I shouldn't have had kids if I wasn't prepared to spend my weekends doing homework. The DC at this point were obviously in primary school. It was clearly a bit late now to do anything about it. Confused

Maryjaneblint · 14/03/2021 13:26

@Countdowntonothing

Previous name, on a long term general chit chat thread and half way through I ended things with DH because of his drug use. Months later (like 4 months later) some complete wacko started pm ing me to check I really had left him, because drugs are bad. I rarely call him exh, still call him DH so because I'd mentioned him on a completely unrelated thread as dh, I had a barage of messages from this random.

So I suppose it wasn't bad advice, drugs are bad after all, it was just completely weird.

@Countdowntonothing

I think you're the one who is misleading other mumsnetters here. I've noticed in precious threads where you've said you're "happily married" and have mentioned having 2 incomes and a dh who is very much with you. Now it's your choice to have been foolish to forgive someone who's been taking drugs but don't then lie on mumsnet about it! I get that the pp did act strangely towards you but I think she had a point as you aren't being honest on here by the looks of it!

Maryjaneblint · 14/03/2021 14:20

Ps Honesty goes a long way

Maryjaneblint · 14/03/2021 16:58

Ps Honesty goes a long way

FoonySpucker · 14/03/2021 18:16

It makes me realise that I've over estimated how reliable the advice I've been given is.

You have hit the nail on the head there.

So many posters seem to have a selection of "cut and paste" responses that they offer up without even reading the OP properly.

The repsonses aren't even helpful - they are just parroting something that they have seen someone else write.

Trivial examples of this can easily be found on more light-hearted threads such as e.g. "things I never knew". People join in thinking they are being so witty when in fact they are just regurgitating what they have seen elsewhere.

Ditto anyone who posts a response on a zombie thread when there are 17 posts above theirs pointing out that it is a zombie thread and clearly haven't even bothered to look at the OPs posts which show that the situation has changed beyond all recognition from the initial situation.

I don't want advice from these people.

summeriscomingsoon · 14/03/2021 18:30

I once was more or less called a slapper who got what she deserved after asking for advice about a much older man who manipulated me sexually when in a position of power whose wife had come into my circle 20 years later. I was having panic attacks at the thought I might meet him again.

Some people on here are beyond cruel.

Maryjaneblint · 14/03/2021 20:28

Bump

summeriscomingsoon · 14/03/2021 20:35

@Maryjaneblint

Bump

Why are you putting a bump? It's not your thread. Lots of people are posting.

clockstimes · 14/03/2021 20:48

Some posters are very mean, I feel sorry for some of the OPs. If the first reply is mean, the others often are too, it sets the tone for the thread. I wouldn't come here for advice.

The diet advice for kids is incredibly strict, surely no one's diet is that healthy? I wonder if the relationships advice is skewed as no one posts about their nice family/helpful husband/great friends, it's always the bad side. If someone did post about their happy relationship, they'd be told off for being smug. Anything about struggling as a parent can be met with "well, why did you have children if you don't want to look after them without a single break in the next 18 years?". Anything about adult children is met with "they are 18, you must never help them again". One thing I've learnt on here is you can't win!

Maryjaneblint · 14/03/2021 21:04

Sorry

Maryjaneblint · 15/03/2021 23:00

@Level32

Danutaisabully · 15/03/2021 23:05

I personally don't like how quick people are to suggest abortion on here. Some posters seem quite flippant about it.

BadLad · 16/03/2021 03:01

The Ann and Betsy tenant thread in AIBU is full of rubbish advice.