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Would you think this is no coincidence? Accusation of serious assault.

127 replies

Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 08:37

A close family member has been separated from his partner for 3 years.
He is lazy but good-looking and charming.
He basically lived with a woman who was nowhere as physically attractive as him that he was never really into in return for an easy life.

The price of this is that he had to deal with her obsessive jealousy of him. I witnessed this firsthand: he could not so much as say hello to another woman and she'd have a tantrum. I mean really lose it. Stormed into a family gathering once, totally blanked us all and glared at him.

I say this to show I think he is no saint.

Anyway, to get to the point: he has grown close to another woman lately and they bumped into her in supermarket.

Literally days later he has police asking him to attend the station. Turns out that she had made an allegation of a very serious nature over something that he supposedly did to her in mid-2000s.

This seemed really too much of a coincidence to me so I advised him that it would do absolutely no harm to mention the supermarket sighting that had occurred days earlier. He did. It seems to ME that nothing is going to come of this.

Anyway, am I right? It seems to me that the nature of the allegation is such that had she made it BEFORE the sighting ( it wouldn't have helped that he and his new woman were teenage boyfriend and girlfriend), they wouldn't have waited to investigate.

OR she'd made the allegation previously and the police thought it had no substance but, on seeing him with a new woman, she was on the phone pressing them to do something.

I have no idea how the police operate on this sort of thing, but if you do, please contribute.

I've changed some minor details of this. Namely place spotted, exact year of the time of alleged offence, and, of course, I'm not going to say what exactly he was accused of.

I'm asking here as I want clarity. I'm scared she'll do something else.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 31/01/2021 12:27

Isn't it a little bit too much of a coincidence that someone is accused of something bad by an ex who is obsessively jealous of their interactions with other females a few days after them being spotted with another female?

Maybe she’s worked on her self esteem issues and seeing him again prompted her to follow it through, maybe she saw him with another woman and felt responsible in some way for her safety, maybe she saw him and it triggered a trauma response in her, maybe she saw him again and plucked up the courage to tell someone who supported her to report it.

The least likely explanation is that she saw him and decided to make up a false allegation to cause them problems - there are a hundred ways for her to split them up without involving reporting him to the police.

I’d believe her unless it’s proven to be malicious (by which I mean the police being charges against her - not that they don’t proceed against him).

DWPmisery1972 · 31/01/2021 12:27

So you’re convinced she’s still jealous now because in your words he’s ‘99% better looking than most people’ and is doing this out of spite?

Do you know what happens when you report DV? Do you know the system? Do you know how humiliating and degrading it is? It isn’t just a case of waltzing up to the police station, accusing someone and then they get nicked off of her word. It is a long And drawn out traumatic experience for the victim; hence why it’s highly doubtful she would make a false report ‘Out of spite’ or jealousy.

user13752257 · 31/01/2021 12:27

@Treatscatscrave

DWPmisery1972, plausible if it were not for the fact that she was obsessively jealous of him and that he could not even politely chat to other women without getting glared at.

Or his entire family being prevented from speaking to him if we called their house, or the bruises that he seemed embarrassed about...

Less plausible than your assorted embellishments and bullshit?
willFOURbagsbeenough · 31/01/2021 12:29

Look, he’s your brother (or father) so you’re always going to be biased and opposed to accepting he could do what he’s been accused of. Raking this over with strangers on the internet won’t change the truth of the matter. Let the police do their job.

Fwiw I was raped by a partner I stayed with for years after. I havent reported. Yet. But that’s not to say I won’t ever. The knowledge that I won’t be believed is the number one reason I haven’t.

Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 12:29

Thanks for replies all. I'll keep you updated as things unfold. Leaving this thread for now.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 31/01/2021 12:29

The bruises that, as an oh so concerned relative you asked him about?

DWPmisery1972 · 31/01/2021 12:30

Your loyalty to your family member is overshadowing any semblance of logic you may have. And also you have been rather spiteful about this women throughout the thread. It’s sucks that people like you exist.

DWPmisery1972 · 31/01/2021 12:32

willFOUR Flowers love and strength To you🧡

Regularsizedrudy · 31/01/2021 12:32

I really don’t see how the fact she saw him recently leads you to doubt her credibility. Surely it makes perfect sense. She saw him and it brought it all back and she chose to act on it.

DWPmisery1972 · 31/01/2021 12:33

^^ precisely

Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 12:37

I did ask him. He said he'd fallen.

If the genders here were reversed.
If I'd told you that a woman had an obsessively jealous ex partner that had accused HER of a serious crime days after seeing her with a new man would your responses be different?

Just going to leave you all now with that thought. Good day to you all.

OP posts:
willFOURbagsbeenough · 31/01/2021 12:38

@DWPmisery1972

willFOUR Flowers love and strength To you🧡
Thank you.
Aelfrid · 31/01/2021 12:42

Is 'Good day to you all' the new ?

Covidcorvid · 31/01/2021 12:45

Isn't it a little bit too much of a coincidence that someone is accused of something bad by an ex who is obsessively jealous of their interactions with other females a few days after them being spotted with another female?

Not necessarily.

Either it’s not true and your initial reaction is correct. She’s made it up after seeing him with someone else.

Or it’s true. She’s not reported it at the time (and carried on in a relationship with him). But seeing him recently has got her thinking about him again, reflecting on what happened and she’s decided to report it.

You have no way of knowing which is correct. And I suspect it’s likely the police will also have no way of knowing it’s correct. It’ll be hard to prove anything.

user13752257 · 31/01/2021 12:46

@Treatscatscrave

I did ask him. He said he'd fallen.

If the genders here were reversed.
If I'd told you that a woman had an obsessively jealous ex partner that had accused HER of a serious crime days after seeing her with a new man would your responses be different?

Just going to leave you all now with that thought. Good day to you all.

Sigh. How many times have you promised to leave this thread now?

The structures and dynamics at play mean the answers are different depending on the sex of the people involved. That's really not the gotcha! you seem to think.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 31/01/2021 12:47

Treatscatscrave

If that was what you said you might have got a different response. But it wasnt

You presented him as a user who had been less than honest or kind in her reasons for being with his ex.

Given you are clearly a very partial observer, it's safe to assume you will see his behaviour in the best possible light.

If that's the best possible light what's he actually like!!!

It's also very clear any version of what has happened will have come from him.

You really dont stand a chance of knowing the truth of these allegations. Of it's a family member it's not big deal. If it's a romantic partner thats a real concern

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 31/01/2021 12:48

@Aelfrid

Is 'Good day to you all' the new ?
This is how my mother ends a phone call to me, when she's really pissed off annoyed with me! Grin
Viviennemary · 31/01/2021 12:49

They will have to investigate if it's been reported. Depends on what evidence there is.

Viviennemary · 31/01/2021 12:51

Being a user or being unkind isn't a criminal offence. Otherwise there would be more folk in prison than walking the streets.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 31/01/2021 12:53

Being a user or being unkind isn't a criminal offence

No but violence (and criminal behaviour) often does come with a sense of entitlement. Your entitled to treat someone a certain way because they are not as good as you.

Horehound · 31/01/2021 12:56

Jeez the op was so poorly worded

So is it the man and his new woman that the ex saw together in a supermarket then later on reported him for something he did to her when they were in a relationship?

Are you the woman from the supermarket, op?
I don't see the correlation between being good looking or not. Sounds like people who aren't good looking don't deserve to be treated with kindness?

Anyway I have a saying: "behind every crazy woman, is a man who drove her to be that way".

FlibbertyGiblets · 31/01/2021 12:59

How awful. Ugly woman storms* and glares whilst beautiful lazy man chats politely.

*is storming like Peggy Mitchell barreling down the Square at you?

davidsSchitt · 31/01/2021 13:00

"If the genders here were reversed.
If I'd told you that a woman had an obsessively jealous ex partner that had accused HER of a serious crime days after seeing her with a new man would your responses be different?

Just going to leave you all now with that thought. Good day to you all."

Well what's the "serious crime"? Rape? Yes, my response would be different.

Fucking hilarious that you think it's only your way of thinking that's normal.

Good day to you 😂

davidsSchitt · 31/01/2021 13:01

And I'm starting to think it's your son you're crushing talking about. Creepy.

IEat · 31/01/2021 13:28

Your perception of what is attractive is of no relevance. An allegation was made and he needs to answer the questions honestly. It’s a legal matter

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