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Would you think this is no coincidence? Accusation of serious assault.

127 replies

Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 08:37

A close family member has been separated from his partner for 3 years.
He is lazy but good-looking and charming.
He basically lived with a woman who was nowhere as physically attractive as him that he was never really into in return for an easy life.

The price of this is that he had to deal with her obsessive jealousy of him. I witnessed this firsthand: he could not so much as say hello to another woman and she'd have a tantrum. I mean really lose it. Stormed into a family gathering once, totally blanked us all and glared at him.

I say this to show I think he is no saint.

Anyway, to get to the point: he has grown close to another woman lately and they bumped into her in supermarket.

Literally days later he has police asking him to attend the station. Turns out that she had made an allegation of a very serious nature over something that he supposedly did to her in mid-2000s.

This seemed really too much of a coincidence to me so I advised him that it would do absolutely no harm to mention the supermarket sighting that had occurred days earlier. He did. It seems to ME that nothing is going to come of this.

Anyway, am I right? It seems to me that the nature of the allegation is such that had she made it BEFORE the sighting ( it wouldn't have helped that he and his new woman were teenage boyfriend and girlfriend), they wouldn't have waited to investigate.

OR she'd made the allegation previously and the police thought it had no substance but, on seeing him with a new woman, she was on the phone pressing them to do something.

I have no idea how the police operate on this sort of thing, but if you do, please contribute.

I've changed some minor details of this. Namely place spotted, exact year of the time of alleged offence, and, of course, I'm not going to say what exactly he was accused of.

I'm asking here as I want clarity. I'm scared she'll do something else.

OP posts:
Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 09:30

Bluntness,
No sorry I do have a clue.
I don't know if the allegation is true or not.

But I do know that day she stormed into my house during a family gathering totally blanked everyone there and glared at my family member for just chatting to another woman.

There have been countless incidents like these over the years.

Calling the house and being told, 'He can't talk to you now' and having her slam the phone down on me and, indeed, all of his family.

Sorry, I don't automatically believe the victim of an alleged crime is always telling the truth.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 31/01/2021 09:34

It is a sad fact that perpetrators of DV do claim to be the victim of DV as a means of controlling their partner or ex.

So, obviously I think abuse was going on in the relationship. It’s just impossible for random strangers on the internet to know and tell you who was the perpetrator and who was the victim. Just let the police do their job.

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2021 09:35

Ok but these things don’t mean he didn’t do it op.

And for me, I always believe thr woman unless proven otherwise.

Look you clearly don’t like her. Your phrasing is obnoxious in the extreme, he was with an uglier woman for an easy life becayse he’s lazy, seriously?

Jellycatspyjamas · 31/01/2021 09:36

But I do know that day she stormed into my house during a family gathering totally blanked everyone there and glared at my family member for just chatting to another woman.

By your description your lazy, charming, good looking relative stayed in a relationship with someone much less attractive for an easy life - that’s absolutely crazy making for the woman involved.

You have no idea about the dynamics of their relationship or how his lazy ways impacted her. You do know he was at best disrespectful of her. I’d reserve judgement on his innocence until the police investigation is completed.

Oneearringlost · 31/01/2021 09:43

I'm struggling to work out where your loyalties lie?
Do you believe he is innocent and that the Ex is falsely alleging him of abuse, because she is jealous, or is it that you see the allegations as evidence of his philandering type nature. I'm still not sure who is making the allegations, sorry

Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 09:46

PlanDeRaccordement, I don't doubt it. However, I've witnessed her jealousy firsthand. He was the one who'd turn up with bruises , not her.

But point taken, let the police get on with it.

Bluntness true but given the fact I know that she is obsessively jealous it doesn't seem to me to be a huge leap that this is a false allegation. No, it doesn't. Seems totally plausible.

But I guess that's WHY we have the police! To impartially investigate.

I'll leave it at that.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 31/01/2021 09:48

PlanDeRaccordement, I don't doubt it. However, I've witnessed her jealousy firsthand. He was the one who'd turn up with bruises , not her.

So now you’re alleging that she assaulted him? That’s a massive drip feed.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 31/01/2021 09:49

He was the one who'd turn up with bruises , not her.

And he'd show you the bruises?

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2021 09:50

So now she’s been assaulting him?

I’m not sure I’m buying this, and obsessive jealousy can often stem from being treated like shit.

I think it’s a good idea to leave it here and maybe habe this deleted. What you’re writing is really horrible about this woman. A woman who may have been raped, abused, or both.

CaraDuneRedux · 31/01/2021 09:51

So your line is that she was less attractive than him, he was only with such an unattractive woman for the sake of an easy life, therefore she became obsessively jealous and made up allegations of assault?

I'd say you have a hell of a lot of internalised misogyny to work on.

DWPmisery1972 · 31/01/2021 09:56

I agree Bluntness and your mention of his alleged good looks her ugliness just make you sound like an asshole. Being good looking doesn’t stop a man from being an abuser, and being ugly doesn’t negate someone from being a victim. Biscuit

DWPmisery1972 · 31/01/2021 09:57

That was meant for OP by the way not you bluntness, I agree with your analysis.

Plussizejumpsuit · 31/01/2021 09:59

He sounds really unpleasant. You don't sound much nicer tbh. Your comment that he lived with a less attractive woman for an easy life then she was jealous is just awful. I'd want nothing to do with somone who did this so I'm not sure why you're so invested in his ex being the awful one.

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/01/2021 09:59

Well OP, she may have been assaulting him and now is claiming to be historic victim as DV perpetrators do. Or the bruises on him could have come from her defending herself and he showed you because he’s a DV perpetrator claiming to be the victim, as DV perpetrators do.

That’s why these cases are so hard to dis-entangle. It’s best to leave it to the police imho. I have no gut feeling that it’s him or her that is the abuser. Could be either of them. Could even be both, a few relationships are so toxic that both partners will assault each other.

4Mongrels · 31/01/2021 09:59

Sometimes people report things many years later having been triggered by something.

Sometimes false allegations are made.

You can believe what you like but you do not know the truth.

Your relative sounds awful. Essentially you’re saying that he could get away with being lazy because an uglier woman would be grateful to be with him. Nice.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 31/01/2021 10:06

Thing is if he was claiming the bruises were given to him be her, the worse thing about her really wasnt the obsessive jealousy...

It always happens the story starts to slip. Sigh.

SirGawain · 31/01/2021 10:07

Is anyone else as confused as I am. Is it the not in his league partner making the accusations, or the old flame in the supermarket?

Oblomov20 · 31/01/2021 10:11

I'm confused. Who made the allegation? The girlfriend?

Treatscatscrave · 31/01/2021 10:13

Oh look I'm going to leave it up to the coppers.
The only thing I'll say is that I never called this woman ugly just said he's way more physically attractive then her. He's more attractive than 99%most people!

He's a shit, I admit. I don't much like him myself!

This is a stressful time for the family and I'm trying to make sense of it.

Thanks for replies. I'll leave it there. Truth will out.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 31/01/2021 10:20

Or maybe seeing him brought it all back and she finally decided to report it? Your brother sounds like a dickhead and you sound horrible too. Good looking people can also be rapists you know.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 31/01/2021 10:25

Truth will out

That's the least likely thing to happen. Police not persuing charges doesn't mean it didnt happen, just that there isnt enough evidence to get a prosecution.

You will never know what happens behind closed doors.

Bluntness100 · 31/01/2021 10:25

He's more attractive than 99%most people!

Oh get a grip.

Oneearringlost · 31/01/2021 10:25

@CaraDuneRedux

So your line is that she was less attractive than him, he was only with such an unattractive woman for the sake of an easy life, therefore she became obsessively jealous and made up allegations of assault?

I'd say you have a hell of a lot of internalised misogyny to work on.

Yup.
partyatthepalace · 31/01/2021 10:29

OP nobody knows but the people concerned

Your post is ridiculous. It’s clearly designed to paint the woman in a poor light - but since neither you nor anyone on MN has any influence over the case, nor knows what went on between these two people, it’s pointless.

I’d get this taken down if I were you OP, it shows you in a very poor light.

partyatthepalace · 31/01/2021 10:30

@Treatscatscrave

Oh look I'm going to leave it up to the coppers. The only thing I'll say is that I never called this woman ugly just said he's way more physically attractive then her. He's more attractive than 99%most people!

He's a shit, I admit. I don't much like him myself!

This is a stressful time for the family and I'm trying to make sense of it.

Thanks for replies. I'll leave it there. Truth will out.

I’m sure ‘the coppers’ will appreciate you handing the case over Grin
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