Do you know anyone who did the "I'm just going to the shop to buy a paper" thing and who then disappeared forever?

[AliceAir]

Another thread on here reminded me of a girl I was in school with years ago. Her mother apparently popped to the shop to but some potatoes and never came home, and was never heard of again.

I'm not meaning people who have met with foul play but people who have decided to disappear and then done so.

Also, those after 9/11 who supposedly disappeared, how are they not known by anyone at all if they're still alive and making a new life for themselves?
I have wondered if in all the confusion that sad, sad day , that if someone would just use this as an 'opportunity' to just quietly walk away.
Such a sad thread but very interesting.

A fairly distant cousin did the classic faked suicide sometime in the 1930s (I think). He left his clothes at Beachy Head and disappeared.

He was discovered after the war, living under a new name. He never said exactly what he had been doing, but there were various hints about some sort of spying activity.

@MelonsMelons

My Great Uncle did. Just went to the paper shop and never came back. He turned up a few years later and my Great Auntie had just had a baby by someone else. He forced her to give the baby up for adoption and they got back together. It was awful for all involved. There is a bit more to it but its such a specific story I dont want to go into it in more detail.

He sounds an absolute sh1t, Melons.

Your poor Great Auntie - her heart must have been broken.

Jon Darwin. It was an insurance fiddle - his wife was in on it, but not his sons.

IIRC one of his kids was so upset at what he'd put them through that he refused to have anything to do with his dad when the truth came out.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DisappearanceoffRuthWilson

I often think of Ruth, I hope very much that she started a new, happy life somewhere.

I also have an uncle who had a secret second family (what is it with uncles?!) and popped out for milk, didn't come back until his mother (my grandmother) died.
He made a big dramatic entrance at the funeral expecting to be welcomed back as the prodigal son.
Given that he left aunt and cousins destitute and my parents had supported them for years after he left, he did not get the reception he expected.

John Darwin was canoe man. He and his wife let their sons think he was dead. Appalling behaviour.

My daughters father.

We’re weren’t together but he was devoted to her, 50/50 care, paid a higher rate of maintenance, came to every school play etc etc. Disappeared one weekend and never came back. A year and a half of no contact and his mother called me to say he was back and wanted to see DD. I agreed and he was full of remorse, had had a breakdown, was living with a girlfriend across the country. He spent the day with DD, wouldn’t let her go, promised he would call the next day. I text him 10 minutes after he had dropped her off as she left her scarf in his car.

He’d already blocked my number.

That was a year ago, never heard from him again.

Also my grandfathers dad left when he was a baby, he left to move to Australia and was supposed to be sending for them when he had somewhere for them all to live. They never heard from him again. They never knew if it was because he chose not to or because it was in the 20s/30s so communication failed them. I suspect the former as a relative looked into the family tree recently and he was dishonourably discharged from the Australian army after several incidents and was basically a bit of a nightmare. Was so interesting reading the records though.

Years ago there were posters all over our town with photos of a woman who had disappeared, asking for people who saw her to phone the police as the family were frantic. She'd been missing a couple of weeks when I saw her in a nearby town. I rang the police, and was told that sometimes people choose to disappear. I got the impression the police had already spoken to her. I've often wondered if she was escaping DV and the posters were not from a devastated family, but from a violent bully.

You've just reminded me of a lad I knew when I was.younger. He'd been brought up thinking his grandparents were his parents.

It turned out his mum was his sister, she hadnt been seen for years. When his grandparents died unexpectedly she turned up and took everything. They hadn't made a will so at 19 / 20 not only did he have to process the fact his sister was his mother he also had to deal with being destitute.

@81Byerley

Years ago there were posters all over our town with photos of a woman who had disappeared, asking for people who saw her to phone the police as the family were frantic. She'd been missing a couple of weeks when I saw her in a nearby town. I rang the police, and was told that sometimes people choose to disappear. I got the impression the police had already spoken to her. I've often wondered if she was escaping DV and the posters were not from a devastated family, but from a violent bully.

I often wonder this when I see those posts on Facebook from men who's "wicked ex took their children away from him" and pleading for people to track them down.

It sits very uncomfortably with me.

My GGF disappeared from my DGF's life before he was a year old.

My DGF was born in the First World War. His parents got married, unwillingly I suspect, a few months after he was born. I have their marriage certificate. I doubt they were having any sort of grand romance. GGF returned to the Western Front and was never heard from again.

It was my GF's life long shame that he was born illegitimate and raised by his mother and had his mother's last name. There is nothing written on his birth certificate where his father's name should be.
However, he assumed his fathers last name and was always known by it. My DGP's marriage certificate records his father as, 'missing presumed deceased.' This was the 1940's.

However, he got lodgings in a hostel practically at the bottom of the road where wife and son lived. Did he attempt to visit them ? Who knows ?

When GGM died in the 1960's, her death cert records her as: widow of Joe Bloggs, soldier, presumed deceased.

I have done some family history research as I've always wondered where and when GGF died. Suffice to say he was a rogue, who, among other crimes, married bigamously in 1942. The year after his own son was married.

I am closing in, I believe on when and where he died. I am within ten years of finding out, I hope. His second wife married again. As a widow ? I don't know. I will use research tools to get her marriage cert. Just like I got GGF's second marriage cert, on which he is recorded as a bachelor !

It was interesting reading a police report from when my evil ex reported me missing with dd. Tres short report as I’d already called the police and the council had moved us.

An ex of mine's Mum left him and his two younger brothers when he was 15 for another man.

The thing that has always stuck with me is his Mum showing him how to iron school shirts the night before she left.

I looked through pictures of the family before she went and it was hard to understand how someone could walk away from her three kids and never speak to/see them again.

I am so sorry for everyone on this thread and the heartbreak you have been through.

@JumpLeadsForTwo

There was a Dr in Manchester who did this - walked out of work one day with no notice, was found in a cave in the Lakes 6mths later having committed suicide shortly after he had gone missing. Turned out he was having an affair and was being pressured into telling his wife. Can't imagine what his family went through.

I actually know the family and the wife of that doctor - it nearly broke her. Luckily, her DS and DIL were and are extremely supportive and I gather really kept her going for a while.

A friend of my son's at school about 20 years ago...I think he and his siblings were all under 10 at the time.
The mother just disappeared one day, left the three kids, her husband, no note, no explanation - just totally disappeared and made no contact for years. The dad is an amazing man, worked night and day to bring them up and his health really suffered. The youngest two kids were affected quite badly by her disappearance, my son's friend did time in prison but has now transformed his life and has a child of his own. Both his siblings have also done well in life. I believe the 'mother' resurfaced a few years ago demanding the family home be sold so she could claim her share of the equity. She still didn't explain her actions and I don't think the kids want any contact even if she did try to come back in their lives. I couldn't get my head round it at all, she seemed the least likely person ever to have walked out on her kids...just goes to show you never know what goes on in someone's head.

@CcWanker

My daughters father.

We’re weren’t together but he was devoted to her, 50/50 care, paid a higher rate of maintenance, came to every school play etc etc. Disappeared one weekend and never came back. A year and a half of no contact and his mother called me to say he was back and wanted to see DD. I agreed and he was full of remorse, had had a breakdown, was living with a girlfriend across the country. He spent the day with DD, wouldn’t let her go, promised he would call the next day. I text him 10 minutes after he had dropped her off as she left her scarf in his car.

He’d already blocked my number.

That was a year ago, never heard from him again.

Your poor girl. Almost like he needed to get a fix before leaving her again. I don't understand how parents can do it to small children old enough to miss them

@SleepingStandingUp, it was worse this time than the first.

He will never never never clap eyes on her again. The damage he caused by coming back for a day was terrible. I’d fight any court in the land who tried to make me give him contact.

You can get a new NINO with sufficient reason. Also when I did electoral canvassing there was a household we were not allowed to speak to (boss only) and nothing was recorded about residents on any database, that apparently was a woman escaping an abusive partner.

@TheCakeDiet

He could have quite easily have been a QC then a headteacher. Further up the thread I said about my GF who had been a major in the army. He retired from the army and a few weeks later was the Head of a prep school. No training.

Many of my partners teachers at school had no training in teaching- were ex forces.

It was a thing that that if you were 'Professional' you could become a teacher / Head.

Does anyone have a link to the other (similar) thread that's been referenced a few times?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4148928-do-you-think-people-can-just-disappear?pg=1

This one poly?

My best friends uncle disappeared, was meant to be taking money to the bank for work. Got a letter 3 months later from Perth Australia. Many years later it turned out he changed his name a while beforehand and it was all planned - the money was returned in full. He's since died

@Viviennemary

So selfish just to disappear. Not a thought for the people left behind worried and wondering what happened.

You have no idea why people “ just disappear “ & shouldn’t be so bloody judgemental!

*He could have quite easily have been a QC then a headteacher. Further up the thread I said about my GF who had been a major in the army. He retired from the army and a few weeks later was the Head of a prep school. No training.

Many of my partners teachers at school had no training in teaching- were ex forces.

It was a thing that that if you were 'Professional' you could become a teacher / Head*

I have no doubt you can go straight into a headteacher position in some schools.

The thing I find odd is a QC would invest 20 years + in becoming a barrister, get to the absolute top of their profession. There are only around 1700 QC’s.

Then just as they’ve achieved all that at around 50, quit to become a teacher without actually doing many years as a QC. It’s a late career qualification, and it would make more sense to retrain before.

Again the comparison being a top consultant surgeon, one of only a few in their field who can do heart transplants, deciding to quit to be a teacher.

It’s just very unusual and interesting and I’d love to know their story.