Do you know anyone who did the "I'm just going to the shop to buy a paper" thing and who then disappeared forever?

[AliceAir]

Another thread on here reminded me of a girl I was in school with years ago. Her mother apparently popped to the shop to but some potatoes and never came home, and was never heard of again.

I'm not meaning people who have met with foul play but people who have decided to disappear and then done so.

My dad had a strange mental episode over seven years ago, it's like he disappeared. He will send cards but not see me of my DC normally. He would see me, but only to talk about his restrictive OCD world and to tell me I should consider suicide (as world is awful). He's trapped in the OCD episode and won't accept help or move forwards.

I used to feel pain, worry and guilt, but now often forget he is alive. I don't expect him to come back. Sometimes situations are better if people just go.

Yes, my mum did it but not to me. She married young and had 3 children then one day just left. She eventually remarried my dad and had me and my siblings. I once found a photo of her with them and she told me they were cousins.
She met them about 10 years later when her cousin tracked her down. They have more or less forgiven her now.

These stories are heartbreaking x the impact it has on people, and the fact that some people end up in a position where they feel there's no alternative but to disappear x sending love to everyone affected by this x

My fathers mother sent him and his older sister to the cinema when they were both under 10's then she vanished leaving two children with an abusive father. The British Red Cross traced her at the other end of the country and sent the two (now) young adults to live with her and her new husband and new baby daughter, this was mid fifties. My father never recovered from it and struggled for years with his mental health, he eventually walked out on his own family and I have not seen him for over thirty years, I have a feeling that he is dead but do not feel that I have the right to search for him

My Nans second husband (not my grandad). Apparently an absolute gent and very intelligent. Went out for cigarettes and never came home. She just accepted it , still has his name, an amazing mum and nan. She says she just got on with things. But fucking hell it must have been awful.

An old family friend, his mum disappeared one day. She had one child a year, and after the sixth was a few years old just left. Nobody had any contact from her again.

My uncle did this. Went to visit his dad one day and never came back. It’s a bit of a taboo subject in our family and they’re never mentioned but my dad told me once that my mum tried to find him for a while through the Salvation Army but had no luck. So I guess anything could have happened to him.

I’ve often looked for him on Facebook but it’s quite a common name and I have no idea what he looks like

I have a friend who's husband away a lot with work, so she was used to him being away, but then he just stopped coming home. They had teenagers at the time and he kept in fleeting contact, so they know he's alive, but don't know where.

Friend still goes to all his side of the family's gathering as a welcome family member, but he's never there and they apparently don't know where he is either. He's still working (or was before the current crisis) she knows that much but employer, naturally, won't tell her where he is.

She's started divorce proceedings in his absence, several years on, and her now adult children are appalled by her decision and making life very difficult.

Not a parent or anything but my mum had a friend whose nephew went out to get some ingredients from the corner shop for a Home Economics class at school the following day and just never came home. He's still registered as missing. I think his mum died without ever knowing what happened. He was on the Police missing posters for a long while and there was one at the station where I used to get off for work. It gave me a jolt every time I saw it.

I haven’t known about anything like this in real life.

I’m wondering though how families know if their loved on has left of their own accord or if the they have come to foul play? Must be hard to k ow if there is no contact at all and they leave out the blue?

I can imagine there are many scenarios and situations in which someone might leave or feel they should leave their family.

Thats all really sad. I have an uncle who turned to drugs and we have never heard from him again, although through the grapevine we are told he is still alive. No idea about any other aspects of his life other than he had multiple children everywhere and every one was taken into care.

I’m wondering though how families know if their loved on has left of their own accord or if the they have come to foul play? Must be hard to k ow if there is no contact at all and they leave out the blue?

I often think about an American case, where a man went missing for 40 odd years. He was a young man early 20s and his boss was john wayne gacy. Eventually he went missing and Gacys crimes came to light it was assumed the young man was one of the victims. His family grieved for years then out of the blue he was tracked down alive and well and said he wanted a new life and didnt wish to have any contact with his family.

@JovialNickname 💐 hope you are doing ok and have some support irl.

This has made me think of the boy who it was believed may have set off to walk to his gf's. Was he found?

The inquest which determined Natalie Putt is dead stated she had probably died (been killed) at home. Bit unfair to include her in this thread.

The wife of a doctor with whom I worked had a father who did that. He was never seen again, left the family in deep shit. However it is a fact that sometimes the people who go missing have severe mental health problems that they have somehow managed to keep hidden; they've perhaps lost their job and don't tell anyone but go out as if to work every day. I'm not making excuses, of course there are some irresponsible rascals, but you just don't know.

I know a few.

Next door neighbour when I was a kid- mum went to the shop and didn’t come back- she left husband and two kids under 8 (one of which was my best friend). Never got in touch with them again, IIRC, but somehow they knew she wasn’t dead but had set up with another bloke? Can’t quite remember -all the details as I was only 6 or 7, but do remember her just not coming back and how confused my friend was.

Friend from dance class - husband just never came home from work one day. Sent her an email to say it was over and the he started divorce proceedings. They’d been married 20 odd years.

Boss- husband went on a work trip to Australia and never came back. Met a woman out there and stayed with her. He was an absolute bastard about the kids and the divorce settlement too. Felt awful for my boss- she was broken. They’d been together 25 years.

Just goes to show how little you can know someone so close to you.

Colleague of mine. Brilliant Dr, well liked, but suffered with depression.

Disappeared one day. The police are as sure as they can be he walked into the sea.

it's a bit of a taboo subject
I guess it must be common for people to want to keep this sort of thing private so it could be more common than one would imagine🤔

My Mums best friends husband did this exact thing. His son tracked him down in Canada when he became an adult, around 11 years later, convinced his Mother wasn't telling the full story and she must have had some inkling he was about to leave and why.
He had the door closed in his face.
It took him some years to get over the experience but thankfully he and his sister are all good now.

Childhood friend did this as a young adult. He just up and left. His parents don't know where he is but do know from the police that he is alive but doesn't want any contact with them. He has sporadic contact with his siblings but nothing with his parents. The whole thing is very sad.

My friend’s husband went off to work one day, and didn’t come home. He was missing for a short while, but tracked with CCTV/bank transactions, this was before smartphones. He’d been hiding the fact he was very mentally unwell, and one day it was all just too much, and he got on the first train that was leaving the city they live in. He had a lot of support afterwards and while it was very difficult for a while, he has been well since.

@JovialNickname

Me. I did and am still officially a missing person.

The police are aware I am alive and safe, and have relayed that to relatives with a message they're not to look for me.

(I won't be responding to any questions about the situation.)

Hope you're OK. I hope this isn't insensitive but I was wondering (generally - not expecting you specifically to answer) in what way someone can officially be 'missing' as an adult if the police know you are alive and safe? Do they carry on looking for you?

I hope you're more than just 'alive and safe' too and are doing well jovial.

My late friend, 'Susy', had bought a new hospitality business in the Home Counties with her husband. They had three young children and to the many members of the public who knew them they were happy and doing well. They'd put everything into the venture, sold their home and her DH's original business, and lived "above the shop".

Six months after taking it on her DH literally went out saying he was going to buy a loaf of bread. That was on new year's morning.

He didn't return. It became obvious that this was no accident when Susy discovered that he'd left with all the takings from the Christmas and New Year holidays. She was devastated and effectively penniless.

By the evening Susy had pulled some strings with friends in the Police and found that her DH had a tenancy on the south coast and was resident there with an affair partner.

Susy went to the bank manager the following day and begged him to have faith in her, or she would lose not just the business but also the family home above it. Thank god the bank were supportive, and over the years she made a tremendous success of it despite all odds.

She was a wonderful, strong woman who only realised that strength when her back was against the wall. She passed away far too young. I think of her often and miss her greatly.

So selfish just to disappear. Not a thought for the people left behind worried and wondering what happened.