Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

And we should also remember that lack of sleep if a form of torture. We need sleep in the same way we need oxygen, water and food to survive. It’s not possible for someone to function if they are deprived of sleep.

Oh she gave him a sleeping tablet that's ok then ,which would also suggest she had some sense of reality that he would be distressed

The only way I could understand what she did is to think her mental health was so poor that she was not able to make rational decisions.

It literally says in the article that the mother was suffering from psychosis because of the stress and sleep deprivation.

@5zeds

Poor child. I find the excusing of her behaviour because of her child’s disability hard to read. The only way I could understand what she did is to think her mental health was so poor that she was not able to make rational decisions. If the child hadn’t been disabled and had been murdered and then posed in bed with his toys we wouldn’t be talking about the poor mother.

Her mental health WAS that poor though.

How would you describe moving to another country, leaving your child and his mother to cope alone in incredibly challenging circumstances?

Do you know why he went to Spain? Do you know that he wasn't supporting them and seeing his son regularly? What is the timeframe? Did he skip out at the start of lockdown leaving her in those "challenging circumstances"? Indications from the Quality Newspaper are that she was coping before then. Did she at any point ask for his help? She certainly asked professionals for help - they are the ones who abandoned her.

*@corythatwas

The "howling like an animal" phrase is one that is often used- they didn't have to quote the neighbour verbatim at that point. That kind of languages dehumanises autistic people.
It was that phrase that made me feel the depth of the boy's distress and I don't see it as dehumanising him. If anything, removing that phrase would have made the report have far less impact on me.

If the father was involved and helping, it's funny that the friends and neighbours quoted make absolutely no reference to him. It's all about how she was struggling to cope, not they.

The only way I could understand what she did is to think her mental health was so poor that she was not able to make rational decisions

Well, yes, that would be why her plea of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility was accepted: she was suffering from psychosis and unable to make rational decisions.

I think it's possible to feel sympathy for both as well as seeing how easy it is for men to walk away - society judges them far less - on a tangent, the Katie Price and Harvey documentary last night, it wasn't even discussed why the capable, financially secure and UK resident father wasn't more involved- just shocking how they can absolve responsibility to someone else

How can you not think the mother is not culpable ? Yes she had depression with psychotic features but she has some responsibility too

Minimising the effect of psychosis induced by continuous sleep deprivation and caring for a desperately disabled child on her own as "some psychotic features" is, frankly, disgraceful.

If the child had died because, say, the mother had an illness which meant she was physically unable to move, we wouldn't for one moment be claiming it was all her fault. Yet, because she had a severe mental illness, people smugly condemn her. The attitudes towards mental illness displayed by some really are appalling..

Sadly the tip of the iceberg of deaths indirectly related to Covid restrtictions.

I had a baby who woke a lot for the first few years. Nothing like this situation, just a typical feeding all night baby. I also have a husband who does a huge amount at home and with our dc. Even that comparatively small amount of sleep deprivation was hard, I was exhausted all the time, I couldn’t remember basic things like phone numbers or names.
I really cannot imagine the effects physically of having no unbroken sleep and trying to cope alone with a child with very high needs, for months, with no help. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used to torture and to unhinge people. This is a tragic situation.
We all have limits, and none of us know how we would react under such extreme physical and emotional stress.

Every time people defend a murderer like this they are yet again diminishing the worth of a disabled child. The poor mother driven to the edge until she snapped and murdered the child who was causing her so many problems and so much stress.

Well that missed the mark!

Not defending her actions, just understanding that she had her own mental health issues. Psychosis being something I have a little bit of experience of I can't blame her for her actions whilst wholly reviling them!

There is no bounds to my compassion for someone suffering from any illness that robs them of their normal thoughts, self control, personality etc.

That doesn't mean I think her child was in any way lesser than

I will reserve any blame I might feel for the support network, personal and professional, that failed to aid her!

* I feel sorry for her but I also feel rather worried about the way that a mother killing a disabled child, is always framed as to be about the sufferings of the mother.*

^This in spades. My DD1 (11) has adoption related attachment issues and other SEN following a head injury whilst in foster care aged 6 weeks). She needs hearing aids and glasses. She used to use me and DD2 (8) as her emotional punchbag and throw anything to hand. (She still does this sometimes.)

My DH and I have both been at the end of our tether at some points. I can’t think how bad it would have been on my own, it would have been horrendous. Whilst at the same time, DD1 has been left with lifelong issues so there obviously needs to be empathy for her as well.

Both this woman and her son deserve our empathy. I certainly don’t feel able to judge this poor woman, having been left on her own. It’s all so tragic.

I can’t even imagine how low, scared and desperate she must of been to kill her own child. My heart breaks for them both

If the child had died because, say, the mother had an illness which meant she was physically unable to move, we wouldn't for one moment be claiming it was all her fault. Yet, because she had a severe mental illness, people smugly condemn her. The attitudes towards mental illness displayed by some really are appalling.

Absolutely agree @Arobase. But hey, if you can't see an illness it doesn't exist, right?

Both of these stories are heartbreaking. (Both the original post and the pilot story). I can't even imagine what level of despair a mother has to experience to do that to her darling child.

And it is also disgusting that the fathers off these children are able to step away from the horror, much of which they are responsible for by turning their backs on their children, and bullying their ex-partners, and then blame the woman for everything that goes wrong.

Oh - how they loved their child (who they dumped without a second thought) and how batshit their ex was. Look - here is proof I loved my son - since his mother killed him, I've got a tattoo of his name with a blue feather.

Bastard.

@crochetmonkey74

I think it's possible to feel sympathy for both as well as seeing how easy it is for men to walk away - society judges them far less - on a tangent, the Katie Price and Harvey documentary last night, it wasn't even discussed why the capable, financially secure and UK resident father wasn't more involved- just shocking how they can absolve responsibility to someone else

He cheated on her when they were together, and walked out on them both right at the start. I know Katie Price is a complicated person, but the amount of criticism she has taken over the years for her looks/dubious choice in men/career choices etc has been astronomical compared to the (almost negligible) criticism of Dwight York for his complete abandoment of their disabled son.

While I have sympathy for Olga, it’s not reason to excuse her murdering a 10yr old boy. It sounds very much like it was carefully planned and not a moment of insanity.

Oh another person who knows better than the doctors and court, from their armchair diagnosis. We can all carefully plan things when suffering from extreme sleep deprivation on top of a mental breakdown after all.

[quote HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee]@Radio4Rocks your post is ghastly. Try,really hard,to have compassion about a human tragedy[/quote]
Someone reported it and it was deleted anyway.

I have huge compassion for the mother, don't imply I have none. My heart is breaking for her desperation.

As for the father? I'd be deleted again if I said what I thought.

Typical Mumsnet. Nowhere does it say that the father abandoned his son. In fact, if anybody bothered to read to the end, it says the boy travelled with his father on work assignments. He lives in Spain now. It doesn't say that he was living there before the boy died.
Many marriages crack under this kind of pressure. The real blame lies with the council that should have been providing residential care.

Awful for everyone. And where was the dad in this?

@Angel2702

Yet these families who have all support services withdrawn in lockdown are still not even eligible to form a support bubble. It is disgusting the way disabled have been abandoned.
In this case the mother could have formed a support bubble (but maybe didn't have anyone to form one with).You can form one where:
"you are a single adult living with one or more children who are under the age of 18 or were under that age on 12 June 2020"
www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-support-bubble-with-another-household#who-can-make-a-support-bubble