Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

As others have said, there but for the grace of God go I.

Much of the blame for such cases must be placed on the men who don't even see their children and then try to pass judgment. As women we are so vulnerable. Any of us could be left in such a situation.

The poor boy must have been in such distress.

@BrumBoo You have absolutely no information on what the details of the parenting relationship between the father and the mother was. You have no idea whether he abandoned them his son or not. To immediately assume you know the full details, and for so many people here to claim the father had equal responsibility is completely wrong when there are so little facts to go off.

I've had acute psychosis and was seeing and hearing "messages" telling me I had to kill my children.

I absolutely understand how this can happen and dread to think what might have been in my case had there not been family support and psychiatric intervention when there was.

Psychosis is impossible to understand unless you've been there. This story is tragic all round 😔

From the Mail article:

After Dylan's birth – and his eventual diagnosis with Cohen syndrome – it soon became clear that Olga would need to put her career on the back-burner.

WHY? Why the fuck did it "become clear"? This woman was a successful lawyer. Where was the fucking father? Off around the world photographic celebrities. Prick.

This desperate story just sums up how women are shafted again and again by society. I am so angry on her behalf, and on her son's behalf.

This is an awful situation all around.

I feel sorry for the mother, sorry for the child.

Dad, not so much TBH.

The father abandoned them

Did he?

i feel so sorry for her, it must be so scary to think this is your only way out

@x2boys- she gave him a sleeping pill first. I’m not condoning what she did in any way, but it sounds like she tried to minimise his distress as much as possible.

I remember scaring myself after a particularly challenging few days when DC were small, by thinking that I can absolutely understand how this happens. And I had a supportive husband, involved GPs just round the corner and two young children without any SN. As said previously, there but for the grace...

@Nopreservatives i was the same when DS was born, the no sleep combined with doing everything on my own just put that straight into my head, so god knows how she felt

Poor poor boy

Poor child.
I find the excusing of her behaviour because of her child’s disability hard to read. The only way I could understand what she did is to think her mental health was so poor that she was not able to make rational decisions. If the child hadn’t been disabled and had been murdered and then posed in bed with his toys we wouldn’t be talking about the poor mother.

@SoupDragon

The father abandoned them

Did he?

How would you describe moving to another country, leaving your child and his mother to cope alone in incredibly challenging circumstances?

How can you not think the mother is not culpable ? Yes she had depression with psychotic features but she has some responsibility too and you have no idea why the father went to Spain or for what reason people are just completely blaming the father as usual and there was no support I get that I have a severly autistic child who is non verbal not in school because school isn't open , i understand more than most people on this thread how hard it is but it's the child I feel sorry for

I feel nothing but sympathy for this poor woman. I can actually imagine how hellish the situation must have been for her. I don’t have a child with SN - but many years ago I found myself completely alone with a demanding toddler, while her dad skipped off to start a new life with someone else, and I vividly remember the feeling of isolation and hopelessness. This woman must have felt that multiplied by 1000.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

No one is making excuses, a humane approach is to understand the psychotic episode and severe MH deterioration the mum experienced. As a result of a mental health crisis and external stressors her actions were out of character and she killed her son.

Stress
Sleep deprivation
Psychotic episode
Disrupted routine
..All contributory factors that unfortunately co-aligned with catastrophic results

This.

Desperately sad for both of them.

I’m really surprised at the sympathetic tone the DM have taken maybe the tide is starting to turn and people are realising the effect the restrictions are having on people’s lives. Covid should not be the only thing that’s matters. It’s insane

I have 2 children with autism ...
My eldest is extremely violent aggressive ,we have just been left to cope .youngest hard work also .I’ve had them both at home together for 3 years waiting for a special school place .
You do indeed go to some dark places .
You are indeed left to cope alone .

I’ve often thought of running away ,or driving my car in front of a lorry .
But I don’t because I’m worried sick what will happen to them when I’m gone ..youngest could possibly manage ...eldest will always need to be cared for ..

I feel desperately sorry for the young boy ..no one had the right to cut his life short ,just because he was difficult..I’m sure 100% mum was at the end of her tether and could no longer cope ..she could of walked away ,placed him in foster care ,given him to his dad as things got bad.
People with disabilities are not dispensable ,it does not mean that makes it ok.
His right to live was the same as yours or mine .
If this lady gets let off ,because of public sympathy,it will be a slippery slope to this happening again and again ,and society not seeing as disabled persons right to live equal to the next person.

I suspect this lady is very mentally ill ,and needs sectioning ,because she clearly loved her son.,if she hasn’t been sectioned and is facing a sentence, then it absolutely must not muddy the waters ,that she gets less of a sentence because her child had disabilities

This absolutely must not be seen as a slippery slope to less of a sentence because her child was disabled and hard work .
I have the upmost sympathy for her
But I have far more sympathy for her child who lost his life

@5zeds

Poor child. I find the excusing of her behaviour because of her child’s disability hard to read. The only way I could understand what she did is to think her mental health was so poor that she was not able to make rational decisions. If the child hadn’t been disabled and had been murdered and then posed in bed with his toys we wouldn’t be talking about the poor mother.

People aren’t “excusing” anything. They are trying to understand how this could have happened.

@5zeds

Poor child. I find the excusing of her behaviour because of her child’s disability hard to read. The only way I could understand what she did is to think her mental health was so poor that she was not able to make rational decisions. If the child hadn’t been disabled and had been murdered and then posed in bed with his toys we wouldn’t be talking about the poor mother.

From the sounds of it she was extremely sleep deprived and stressed - this was probably a result of the childs disability combined with the complete absence of any support. In that situation his disability is sadly relevant, although it does not make his death any less tragic (in fact it is worse because it shows how preventable it was.)

@luxxlisbon

I cannot believe how many people are placing more blame on the father.

If a child had been murdered by their father I don't think a single comment would blame the ex partner mother.

This is an awful story on all sides. There is blame with the authorities for how little support was available for him, however this is only based on a DM article.

My people are in stressful and awful situations up and down the country, it doesn't absolve responsibility if the parent murders their child though.

I have some knowledge of the family. Unusually, the Mail's report is pretty accurate. The mother was absolutely desperate for help for her child and was being let down and ignored even before lockdown. When the school place disappeared the situation became absolutely desperate.

I don't think anyone is saying she should be absolved of all responsibility. But is that any reason why we should not look at all the people with responsibility, including the child's father and the local authority?

Maybe she shelves her career as her husband had the job that meant she could!?

They needed a wage coming in!

We don’t know the facts regarding the father at all but typical mumsnet have him hung drawn and quartered already!

[quote luxxlisbon]@BrumBoo You have absolutely no information on what the details of the parenting relationship between the father and the mother was. You have no idea whether he abandoned them his son or not. To immediately assume you know the full details, and for so many people here to claim the father had equal responsibility is completely wrong when there are so little facts to go off.[/quote]
Oh I won't lie, I am reading much between the lines. She had to give up her career to be a carer, not him. She was finding their marriage split difficult, she had to find a place for both of them to live, she was chasing up services and arranging his care, she was the one begging for help. Perhaps it will come out later that he was also trying his very best to care for his son, from Spain. All I've read about so far in this case though is how she was left alone to do absolutely everything in terms of caring for a highly disabled child whilst it had evident been too much for her for years.

I know a few men who are separated from their wives and live in the same town so they can help out at any time.

I also know a few who have moved hours away to be with their new spark and they wonder why their DC are upset and don't want to know them.

What the mum did is totally wrong but her ex must shoulder 50% of the blame for this. Men think they can just piss off, keep most of their money and do very little. This must stop. They need to be made to take more responsibility for their own children both financially and practically.

If the child hadn’t been disabled and had been murdered and then posed in bed with his toys we wouldn’t be talking about the poor mother

Well no , we wouldn’t
As I’m sure many of us have been driven up the wall
I certainly have

But I can also imagine , the sheer desperation both of them had

The lack of hope , the fear for the future

The thing that I never understand.
If the resident parent doesn’t feed or clothe their child adequately it’s neglect and a criminal offence, almost regardless of their circumstance.

If the non resident doesn’t provide for them it’s a shrug of the shoulder. There’s things in place to help stop it, but ultimately there’s many many ways round it.