Poor, poor woman

[Mookie81]

Complete lack of support and nowhere to turn.
A terrible deed but I feel so sorry for her.
And where the fuck was her ex? Living in Spain while she was driven to despair.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9186243/Olga-Freemans-friends-reveal-agony-trapped-flat-son-loved-dearly.html

@breatheO2NotCO2

Why couldn't she contact SS instead of taking her childs life away?

Do read the reports. She did. They did nothing.

We don't have to choose who to feel sorry for here, mother or son. It's a tragedy for both. They were both failed terribly by the people around them and wider society, welfare state, who failed to provide the support that ANYONE would badly need in this situation. The fact the dad was in Spain makes me really angry.

There is absolutely nothing to say that the mother wouldn't have done this even if the father had been here to help!

@BeaSmithers, you think the mother would still have been driven by lack of sleep to severe depression and psychosis even with another adult in the house available to help and respite, and available to help her to pressurise the council to do its job in terms of Dylan's care and education?

Well, it's a point of view. Not sure that it's worth serious consideration, however.

There’s some real naivety on this thread about social services. What do you think they do when you tell them you aren’t coping? I can tell you it’s very little. Some meetings, some plans. They don’t sweep in with anything practical.

He was in Spain working because that’s his job as a photographer.

Because of course there are no newspapers and magazines in the UK for whom he might have worked.

Furthermore they were divorced and he didn’t live with Olga and Dylan anymore because that’s what they and the courts agreed on. His responsibility was to uphold the divorce decree requirements. No more, no less.

You don't know what the terms of any divorce-related agreements or orders were. If you don't consider that parents have an ongoing duty to their children, particularly their disabled children, in circumstances where the resident parent is unable to cope, that's an incredibly narrow view.

Besides, in August even if he had managed to convince authorities it was an essential trip to fly back, he’d have had to isolate for two weeks before he could go to their house anyway. He wasn’t in a realistic position to help personally.

Why just August? Why not at any time from the point when Dylan's school closed? And if he did have to wait two weeks, so what? At least the mother of his child would have the prospect of help reasonably soon.

@CarlottaValdez

There’s some real naivety on this thread about social services. What do you think they do when you tell them you aren’t coping? I can tell you it’s very little. Some meetings, some plans. They don’t sweep in with anything practical.

It's the same as when people declare that they'd never help an elderly parent to the toilet/to get dressed because it's too humiliating for all concerned and that's a job for carers. And that when they're old they'll be happy to rely on carers to help them.

Unless you have the money to pay for round the clock care, or are happy to leave your elderly relative waiting for hours to get to the toilet, you are very very likely to change your mind when the reality hits.

@5zeds

I think everything the father said about the child was designed to make us see the person behind the diagnosis and everything else said rather the opposite. Voices piping up to suggest some people have miserable lives and so their death is not necessarily a tragedy are exactly what I find abhorrent. This is a murdered child and he should have been alive today.

To be honest, I don't. I'm really sceptical about what he says. @Mumoftwoinprimary put the situation well upthread:

Dylan was a wheelchair user with severe autism who was very distressed by the change in his routine when his school closed. Doesn’t sound much like a seasoned traveller who enjoyed hiking the Inca Trail with Devoted Daddy.

Dylan also had a degenerating eye condition so not sure that art galleries were quite for him.

@MrsMercedes

Was she denying the father access? Was the father seeing the child or being held to ransom by a bitter ex wife?

Do we know?

Yes, we do know, and the answer to both questions is no. She was begging the father for help.

tragic. so tragic.

I often wonder what good it does to publish articles like this. It just brings out people like @WitchesNest with their judgemental comments. It's so depressing that people have no empathy. Awful. You sound like such an awful, awful person.

It’s a real tragedy that she had no where else left to turn and the father being based in Spain, clearly had very little to do with his own son. Otherwise you’d think he would have acknowledged the difficulties and stepped up.

Without turning this into a NRP bashing thread, this is what happens when society allows NRP to walk away from their moral and legal obligations to their children. I’m sure there are plenty of RP at absolute breaking point with the pressures that this year has brought, add complex medical needs and or disabilities then you have a recipe for disaster.

@MacDuffsMuff

He cheated on her when they were together, and walked out on them both right at the start. I know Katie Price is a complicated person, but the amount of criticism she has taken over the years for her looks/dubious choice in men/career choices etc has been astronomical compared to the (almost negligible) criticism of Dwight York for his complete abandoment of their disabled son.

This is so true.

Yes. My partner (who is so far from a celebrity follower) was talking to me about this the other week. She'd had loads of shit for putting her oldest son in supported accommodation.

@thecognoscenti

She has my deepest sympathy. That poor woman. Her ex should feel ashamed, though he probably won't.

I doubt he will, either - he will use it for justification for leaving her.

Though no-one will ever ask him why he left his vulnerable child with his "psycho ex".

The's a c*nt

From the reporting at the time:

Dean's agent [said]: "He was a loving and caring father and even though divorced for a number of years, he cherished all the quality time spent with his son."

Yeah, I can imagine what that "quality time" added up to. Just like every other prick of a Disney dad, it is easy to cherish time with your children when you aren't the one who is actually responsible for them - and it was an unmanageable responsibility. Poor, poor Olga and poor, poor Dylan.

I feel tremendously sorry for both Olga and Dylan. They have both been terribly let down.

Support for parents caring for disabled children in this country is absolutely woeful. This was a completely avoidable tragedy and it's just heartbreaking that this happened.

Anne1958

I appreciate your honestly , with regards to suffering

I would imagine that mother knew her son and his well-being very well , which could have driven her depression and despair
Maybe that’s wishful thinking

But a suffering child is truly one of the hardest things to bear

Does anyone know when the last time loving father Dean actually saw his son?

Mental health issues isn't an excuse for killing your child. it’s an explanation

I appreciate people find this unpalatable. A humane and liberal society is measured by how it responds and manages treatment and care of mentally ill individuals inc how criminal justice sentences in light of compelling psychiatric evidence that the mother was unwell

Mental health issues isn't an excuse for killing your child. “it’s an explanation” it only seems to stand as an “explanation” if it’s a disabled person who’s the victim. Mother kills child because of exhaustion fuelled psychosis doesn’t really get the same sympathy. Add disability, howling like a dog, and not sleeping and suddenly it’s a different picture.

It’s clear that this is a very triggering thread
I’d imagine especially for any parent of a child with extreme SEN , its probably especially painful to read
I can’t even articulate why , but I can feel the pain
As if your precious child is less of value

I could be wrong

I know you mean well op put posts like this only normalise women murdering their disabled child. even at the end of her rope she didn't even choose a quick and painless method.

Explain what you mean by “triggering” @Thisisworsethananticpated ? Do you mean parents who have considered killing their children are reacting to the story differently to those who haven’t? Or perhaps people with children are reacting differently to those that have children? Or those with experience of single parenthood are responding differently? Or experience of disability? Or sleeplessness?

I would imagine everyone’s response is informed by their experience. What does “triggering” imply beyond that?

@5zeds

Mental health issues isn't an excuse for killing your child. “it’s an explanation” it only seems to stand as an “explanation” if it’s a disabled person who’s the victim. Mother kills child because of exhaustion fuelled psychosis doesn’t really get the same sympathy. Add disability, howling like a dog, and not sleeping and suddenly it’s a different picture.

She gets the sympathy because the exhaustion which fueled the psychosis was caused by events beyond her control ie the fact that she was looking after her non sleeping child on her own. I'd feel the same sympathy for her if she had psychosis caused by extreme lack of sleep for some other reason tbh. Presumably you wouldn't though 🤷‍♀️

I think my immediate sympathy on hearing someone murdered a child is with the child.

It’s a bit like when I hear about any form of abuse. I understand that perpetrators are usually damaged themselves but it’s not where my sympathies lie.

No, the explanation is to counter the ill informed angry knee jerk posts. To try add a context to a crime.

Pg and postnatal period need to be understood as A risky period for women.RCOG Research indicated one-quarter of all maternal deaths between 6 weeks and 1 year after childbirth were related to mental health problems and one in seven of those women died from suicide.

Infanticide, is not necessarily killing a disabled baby