OK, who else is struggling?

[Thorilicious]

Lockdown 1, I was doing new activities, baking, cleaning and exercising.
This time round, I'm tired, my sleep is all over the place. I end up at least once a day arguing with dcs about doing their school work. I have no escape from the dcs, when normally they'd be at school and I'd be at work.
I know it won't be like this forever, but just need to know I'm not the only one...

Yes, me.
Live alone, all DC flown the nest.
Literally thought I was losing my mind a few days ago but seemed to have pulled myself together.
The endless, relentless waking up alone, eating alone, walking my dogs alone, watching TV alone, then going to bed alone. Wake up and repeat. :(

It feels like I’m in a black hole and there’s no light.

It's awful, I'm finding things so tough, everyday I try to get out for a walk but it doesn't happen, trying to work around homeschooling is a nightmare.

Had a meltdown today. Homeschooling has tipped me over the edge. I wish Covid would just run to fu*k.

Just massive love to all of you on this thread.
This. Is. Shit.
Sobbed and sobbed tonight overwhelmed by the death toll and the pain and grief of it all.
And my own sorrow and panic at trying to juggle work and dc schoolwork and all the feelings.

I hate it. I hate it, hate it, hate it.

March last year I was pretty smug, DD was coping well with school work, I was working from home full time and juggling it all really well. So well that after being furloughed in May I signed up for professional qualifications ‘so I would have something to do’.

Fast forward to January. My mum has died. My gran has died (neither COVID related). Where I live is a major COVID hotspot, DH is still working in a supermarket slap bang in the middle between this COVID hotspot and an even worse COVID hot spot 20 miles away. I’m working from home, part time now so I’m stoney fucking broke and I’m now homeschooling 2 kids, very badly. My professional qualification course work is somewhere in the house but I haven’t seen it since September when I sat my first round of exams and I only have another year to finish the rest of it (another 5 exams).

I’m not sleeping, I’ve gained a huge amount of weight, and I was massively overweight to start with, and I’ve just stopped drinking having realised that I was automatically grabbing a bottle every night when the kids went to bed. My drinking isn’t an issue but it could easily have gone that way had I not realised that I’d drank alcohol everyday for 2 months so I made a conscious decision to stop for a while.

A day of normality, just one day, would be amazing right now.

@Firebird83

I just feel sad all the time.

Me too😐 I'm lucky because I'm not overly inconvenienced personally, having a very routine boring life normally makes it easier for me to deal with the current situation But I feel very very 'Eyore'...mental energy is low, not depressed but very flat, for me the fact its January is a major exacerbating factor, I always find it a difficult month psychologically, I feel at the end of my tether usually in January. (I am still going running though and I do get quite high after that)

I haven't read the whole thread, but wanted to tell someone that I am struggling.

Sorry for everyone else finding it hard.

In the first wave I worked in covid wards and ITU, redeployed so totally out of my comfort zone. Think I'm still coming to terms with that.

We've been lucky as a family that we still have our health and jobs. But mentally it's just been so long. Both children at secondary so the pressure is huge. When I can help, I have to take the whole lesson anyway or I don't understand the work.

I've stopped taking to friends and family where I can get away with it. I don't have the energy to exercise.

I'm not on the front line anymore, but neither of us can work from home, so the parent guilt is high. The kids are alone struggling through their work every day. I get multiple daily reminders and phone calls at work about their schooling.

A big hug to you all 💐. I am really struggling, first time mum and my baby is 5 months and barely any of my family have had a chance to see him. Just wish things would go back to normal.

Struggling here, and I know I shouldn’t complain - no dc to home school, and working from home. Work is so much harder online, my DP has been made redundant, and it is pretty much perpetually dark here (Scotland).

I know I am very lucky compared to so many people and I feel like I shouldn’t even be posting. But yes, struggling. I understand it’s not possible, but if there was an end date it would be SO much easier, even if it was six months away. It just feels endless.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses
There will always be people who have it worse, but it's completely relative.

Don't feel guilty for struggling or posting about it, your struggles are just as valid as everyone else's!

Bless you, stormcloaknord - I am crying AGAIN now!

I can't sleep. Every night I lie awake and can't switch off. I have a knot in my stomach constantly. It's awful.

Me, I've been housebound since before any of the Lockdowns & Covid started due to illness & disability, but all the depressing news, briefings & all the other crap has got me to breaking point. Ds had his GCSE's cancelled last summer, got the first term of A levels done & then schools closed, ds is allowed at school as he is a young carer, he hasn't seen his friends since before Christmas as they are at home. He comes in from school & straight in his bedroom, eats his meals i his room as he is usually either doing homework or gaming & chatting to friends.

I have been ill for ages before all this started, it took me 6 months to be able to get a hospital appointment due to covid, after loads of tests & scans I still have no definite diagnosis, they are trying treatments that may or may not work. I'm just fed up o living from one hospital appointment to the next, my mental health is shot.

I'm struggling a lot as well and not sleeping.

Not been able to work since last March and living off savings which are rapidly headed to zero but no financial support as DH works but all his money goes on bills. Trying to sell house which is taking forever and been going on since September after 2 years of renovating it but don't know if will fall through but our only hope financially.

DS is ASD and needs full-time 1 to 1 from me but not eligible for school place and even if we were he wouldn't cope. He spent the day screaming about home learning before falling asleep from screaming. DD is struggling to do GCSEs with his screaming and says she's depressed and wants to jump off a bridge. But there's no end in sight and no help from anyone. There's not even anything you can look forward to.

Me! Lockdown 1 our first baby had just been born after fighting infertility for years so aside from the fact it was illegal for my mum to hold her grandchild or my sister go meet her nephew or our family to support us as new parents it at least went quickly. Lockdown two baby groups were still allowed to happen so not quite as bad. Lockdown three is fucking shit. My baby is more and more inquisitive abs in finding it harder snd harder entertaining him in the living room every damn day. I have to hand him over to a complete stranger In the car park to look after him fir 7 hours a day in two weeks because my longed for Maternity leave is over. He has only ever known me. Thanks to covid never spent s night away and at the most two hours with my mum. It’s a nightmare.

So sorry for y’all - I feel like I have found my tribe
I am normally positive and optimistic even in tough and stressful situations but am so down and have to myself to det dressed. I used to do sport every day.
I am much luckier than most as am not home/schooling DC and have an absorbing job -teaching full time from home but outside lessons and planning have zero motivation and nothing to look forward to. Living in house with STBXH who ostentatiously keros 2m away from me and treats ne with contempt and disdain. Luckily he works long hours outside the home and spends his weekends doing his hobby (illegally breaking lockdown rules which I find upsetting but preferable to him being here.
I have a 6th form tutor group and they are all uncharacteristically quiet and unhappy so am trying hard yo be positive for them but there is nothing to talk about.
I like the idea of cycling up and down the street with a podcast /not a bad idea!

No one needs to apologise for not being in a bad enough situation. It's shit whatever your circumstances. We're all in the same storm, just different boats.

Really struggling, I'm suicidal and literally no one cares, tried my gp only to get fobbed off. Now my oldest dd has started self harming, school dont give a shit, no one does. Every day I feel like I'm drowning, I wont make it until Easter, and I'm scared dd wont either

@Pinkvici22

It’s killing me.

Last year I was exercising more, lost weight, focused on skin care, seemed to manage work and home school - now I just can’t.

I’m exhausted and grumpy and feel like I’m failing at every aspect of my life.

This literally sums me up in every way. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about how little I feel like my self.

Me too, fed up and miserable. I miss normal life so much - the routines of term time and just having a break from my family when they go to work/school. DH has been at home every day since last March. He works from a study across the hall from me. We've never spent this amount of time together before. The DC were at home for 4.5 months non-stop last year and now they've been at home for a further six weeks and there is no end in sight.

That's what's killing me - there is no hope - no date when this will end

To all of you, and me, and my DH who is now signed off work with stress (never gets sick, never moans normally, just gets on with it) and a lot of people all around the globe . I think we are done, enough now.

I hope I come out with this with a better appreciation of normality. I hated getting on a train for my morning commute in the pitch black, grumbling that the train was 10 minutes late. I would have happily have stood there for an hour this morning. I am just hoping that the lighter evenings and mornings which are gradually appearing will lighten my mood too.

I'm really struggling too. I have been fortunate to not lose any family members to COVID but my very close friend unfortunately lost her dad a few days ago. It's awful.

I'm quite heavily pregnant with my first and petrified to be honest - I've always been pretty anxious and in the first lockdown had CBT (work related then). With the baby, me and my OH are so excited but at the same time I'm just scared. The guidance for me has been pretty shocking - no antenatal, having to chase up appointments, scans alone, and the constant fear my OH won't be by my side when I go into hospital to give birth.

Then all I want is for the baby to be happy and healthy. And then cuddle close family members who are looking forward to the first baby in the family, but who knows whether that will happen. OH will return to work (not wfh) and I fear that I will feel very isolated during mat leave.

Been really struggling these past few weeks. Before this I was relatively optimistic.

@Changer123

Really struggling, I'm suicidal and literally no one cares, tried my gp only to get fobbed off. Now my oldest dd has started self harming, school dont give a shit, no one does. Every day I feel like I'm drowning, I wont make it until Easter, and I'm scared dd wont either

Please speak to the Samaritans

People do care.

Second the advice of the samaritans, if anyone is struggling.
I started this thread as I needed to know I wasn't the only struggling. It's worrying how many people are feeling the same though.
The mental health repracussions are going to be felt for years to come...