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OK, who else is struggling?

215 replies

Thorilicious · 25/01/2021 22:58

Lockdown 1, I was doing new activities, baking, cleaning and exercising.
This time round, I'm tired, my sleep is all over the place. I end up at least once a day arguing with dcs about doing their school work. I have no escape from the dcs, when normally they'd be at school and I'd be at work.
I know it won't be like this forever, but just need to know I'm not the only one...

OP posts:
Lofari · 26/01/2021 02:35

Hand up here too.
DH just started a new job with erratic shifts too so this time I feel like im doing it solo.
My DD needed help with her maths yesterday and it confused me so her brother helped her while I went and had a cry and a biscuit Confused

StormcloakNord · 26/01/2021 02:38

Thanks to everyone struggling.

You're not alone OP. I'm also really struggling. I don't even know where to begin but every single day is a living nightmare.

@joystir59 I'm sure your intentions are good but it's not that simple. Getting out and walking isn't a cure all.

pumpkinsoups · 26/01/2021 02:50

Yes
Single parent with depressed father who says he is wasting his life
Uncle had two heart attacks and now in hospital with covid, in his 90s so won't survive this
Mother died from covid
One ds who I can't see because of his job, the other stressed about school and working all the time
I'm the one keeping father and DCs going

notthedressiwanted · 26/01/2021 03:47

Me.
Exactly why I'm surfing MN at this time of the day! I cant sleep.
I'm exhausted, feel useless like I'm letting my 8yo down, feeling her angst tenfold.
Fluctuating between feeling resentful of DH who gets to go out to work (yep crazy), and fearful because as a critical worker he HAS to go!
Think I need to up AD's, I've worked really hard to get into running which can help, but then feeling like I shouldn't, because there's a whole load of anti runners/cyclists in our lovely town.
Damned if you do damned if you don't.

In the brighter moments.

We don't need to glow, reinvent ourselves or achieve greatness through this pandemic. Simply we just need to survive it.

PeanuttButtaCup · 26/01/2021 03:59

I am, single mum of a 1 year old and 27 weeks pregnant. I feel so unmotivated to do anything

lightlypoached · 26/01/2021 06:50

Hello everyone and massive great big Thanks to you all. Yes, struggling here too. Crying, feeling almost unable to string a sentence together some days, overeating, not exercising enough, role playing shouting and throwing things in my head (but not acting on those impulses), rowing with DH - and we never row. Grim really. But it is up and down (I can't be down when my kids are, they need me to lean on).

I've started some counselling over the phone (via employers employees support service - if you have one, use it). The lady counsellor was saying that even the most high achieving, go-getter, self motivated type people are struggling this time. The combination of a tantalising peep at normality in late summer, combined with the never endingness of the current lockdown, the claustrophobic stuck inside, pressures of kids and schools, and the scary reality is putting people into overload.

Someone mentioned walking earlier. Counsellor lady said that When depressed it's really hard to do anything, even when we know it will do us good, and logistically it's really hard. We will trot out all sorts of barriers and reasons not to do things that could help (even a tiny bit), so I wasn't surprised when I saw another poster saying 'it's not that easy'. She's right, it isn't, but it is still a good idea.

I'm still in a shit state but this is what I've found helps (a bit, and may not for you, but hey I hope it does help)

-Keep washing and putting on clean clothes every day (if nothing else it will give the ironers something else to do Grin)

  • Breathe deeply at least once a day. -it's calming (put a reminder in your phone to do it )
  • Schedule a walk with a friend (take kids out of 'school' if necessary to do this to come with.) - a regular day(s) of the week and time, meeting at a particular spot. Allow at least an hour. If you make the promise to your friend , you can't let them down, even if it is raining. The scheduling/promising a friend part makes a world of difference.
  • tell your kids and family how you are feeling. They are likely feeling the same, it really does help to share (I cried in front of my kids a couple of weeks back, and told them that despite a full house I felt so isolated and lonely) we now have dinner together at a set time every night, and that's really helping us to talk and socialise and feel a bit more human. We then all scatter off back to our individual rooms /beds/ sofas because we are frankly sick of the sight of each other Grin

Things that have been less successfull: stopping drinking wine (just can't stop) , a regular exercise programme (just can't start) , good sleep hygiene (just addicted to screen).

The most useful thing is to talk though, keep talking, keep listening. This thread has made me feel less alone already. Knowing that even the toughest MN vipers are feeling shit as well, makes me feel less isolated (sorry about that).

I hope my (bloody hell, long!) post hasn't come across as preachy or inappropriate, I just want (need) to try and help.

Here, have some more of these too Thanks. I hope you have enough vases for that lot.

StealthRoast · 26/01/2021 06:53

Solidarity op.

My motto all the way through has been “crack on or crack up”

I’ve been close to cracking up a few times.

user1493413286 · 26/01/2021 06:53

Yep; I’m fed up, irritable with it and the thought of ankh her bloody walk makes me want to scream

iftherewereahorseyinthehouse · 26/01/2021 06:56

@joystir59

Get outside more. You will feel better. Get outside. Doesn't matter what the weather is doing, wrap up and just get outside and walk. And walk. And walk. You will feel better.
I would love nothing more than to go for a long walk every day. It would definitely help. But I have to fit in a day's work and a day's homeschooling. I don't get a lunch break.
Namechangeforthis88 · 26/01/2021 07:01

Me too. To get through everything I've been sending my 12 year old out for walks by himself. There aren't enough hours in the day right now.

CayrolBaaaskin · 26/01/2021 07:06

Me. I can’t focus on work with interruptions every 30 seconds from dds. Everything is getting on top of me and it all seems so hopeless.

linerforlife · 26/01/2021 07:09

Yes really struggling now. And fucking hell if someone else suggests going for a walk to me to improve my mood I may hit them. I walk DDog for an hour every morning, with over 16lb DD strapped to me, through the never ending mud, rain and cold. The idea of doing it and having to get all the outdoor gear on the 3 of us and strip it off again on our return, dry off DDog and clear up the mud makes me want to cry every morning when I wake up. It's not a bloody mood lifter.

Bumpsadaisie · 26/01/2021 07:09

Yeah - struggling.

I know there are things I can do to make it better - go out waking read an improving book. But I can't get myself into it.

I'm focussing on keeping the house and work going and being kind to my kids.

linerforlife · 26/01/2021 07:12

I also saw this morning a very sad story of a woman who killed her non verbal autistic son during lockdown 1 because she was unable to cope. I can't imagine what she went through to get to that stage, and my heart breaks that they were both essentially locked in together with no support or respite. What are we doing to ourselves and each other with all of this. I know I am massively fortunate in my own situation, and the guilt over still finding it a struggle when others have it worse is huge.

itchyfinger · 26/01/2021 07:14

@joystir59 trust me I would love to go on daily walks, however I have a full time job, homeschooling and 2 young children who hate walking in the cold and whinge the whole time. It's not that easy for many people.

In spring lockdown the weather was fabulous, there was hope that it would all be over soon, it was still novelty. I have to say I quite enjoyed that lockdown. This one is awful, daily doom and gloom in the papers, mutant variants, its dark and cold and rainy. Plus apparently months before kids go back to school which is shit for them and the parents.

lightlypoached · 26/01/2021 07:16

God, felling really bad for mentioning walks now. Sorry. Blush

SnuggyBuggy · 26/01/2021 07:21

I feel you, I don't really want to get out of bed anymore as everything is so horrible. I've a toddler and baby I'm struggling to keep happy. It feels like a huge effort to get out of the house and then when you do DC1 complains it's too cold and wants to go home and you wonder why you fucking bothered.

beela · 26/01/2021 07:24

I had an awful week last week. I couldn't get motivated to do anything and I had no patience with the dc Sad. This week is a bit better.

Thorilicious · 26/01/2021 07:26

@lightlypoached and anyone else who feels bad for mentioning walls or other advice, please don't feel bad. What works for one person may not work for another, but it's still worth sharing any ideas, as it may help someone.
I've actually emailed dcs teachers and said that we are missing the last online lesson for the day. I'm taking them on a long walk and we're going to feed the ducks.

OP posts:
PomegranatePip · 26/01/2021 07:28

Dreadful. I am a mental health professional struggling with her own mental health. Trying to homeschool two reluctant learners every day is taking its toll. I oscillate between 'do your best' and 'they have missed so much- you need to be doing more' and I bloody hate Maths.
I love my local area but am sick to the back teeth of walking around it. It's making me resent it so I've stopped for a while.
My DH is irritating me on new levels - is it possible that tripping over his shoes 5 times a day is grounds for divorce?
My parents have nothing encouraging to say, just moan they can't see us (again) and they can't go on holiday. (They are young enough that they have no major health concerns, mortgages paid off, and nobody at home to care for other than each other.)
I've been so so positive, optimistic and capable of finding all of the reasons to stay hopeful- until now. Now it just feels bleak and relentless. No motivation, no joy and no reason to get excited about anything- just waiting in anticipation and doom, it feels like.

Sandybanana7 · 26/01/2021 07:32

This week my mental health is once again a complete evil bitch.
My children are not interested or engaged in home learning at all.
It's fucking shit.

feelingquitehopeful · 26/01/2021 07:36

Who isn't struggling, everyone is.

It is too much.

Chutneymaura · 26/01/2021 07:38

Me too. Am exhausted by all the things I’m doing to try make myself feel better. The daily Calm, the gratitude journal, the sleep meditation etc. Yet in reality my job is hideous and my bosses expectations insane, I’m eating myself into an early grave and my head is constantly pounding. This IS shit but I try so hard to tell myself it won’t last forever. Hugs and strength to you all

MotherForker · 26/01/2021 07:42

Me. I'm really struggling, keep randomly bursting into tears and feeling like this wil never pass. I've just had to give in and ask GP to increase my ad prescription. I had done really well at decreasing my dose. The side effects are awful, grim and I hate them.

But I'm so low, dangerously so. I go for a run every other day, I walk every day (also have a dog). Most days I just cry the whole time I'm walking. None of the normal stuff helps anymore.

Working full time from home, two primary age dc, in process of divorcing stbxh (we're still living together)

BoKatan · 26/01/2021 07:49

Yep, struggling here. I'm lucky in that I am a part time keyworker so two days a week my kids are in school. But I'm either home schooling or working at the moment with sod all to look forward to. I'm doing the daily walk with the kids because I know it's important but it's cold and I live rurally and my kids are young so it just results in mud coated laundry which I then have to sort out.

I have no motivation to do anything. I have gained a lot of weight. I'm spending a fortune online out of sheer boredom. My eldest child is showing signs of anxiety and depression. My husband is permanently stressed trying to remote run a company with government contracts to fulfill. My family all lives miles away so I have seen them once, outdoors in a muddy country park, since last winter. It's shit, it really is.