Why are teachers still referred to as Mr/Mrs/Miss X?

[ChimaeraEgg]

Idle musing of the day but why do children still have to address teachers using their surnames? I assume that originally this was a respect thing and due to the fact that it was normal to address people at work or other adults as Mr/Mrs X? But I'm 32 and never in my adult life have I addressed another adult using their surname. School is the only place I have done it.

@ChimaeraEgg

Again, if the GP calls me they ask for first name last name, not Mrs last name.

Agreed but that is to establish exactly who you are. There are often multiple Mr Smiths at one address.

My conversations always go like this
Me- "This is Dr McGillicuddy. Please can I speak to Jane Smith"
Mrs Smith "That's me."
Me "Ah, Hello Mrs Smith... I was asked to give you a ring about...."

I find that establishes the correct patient and the resets the respectful tone. I can't tell you how much I hate younger colleagues who refer to older patients by their first name. So disrespectful. And I shudder if anyone addresses me by mine. Which I try to keep secret from patients!

When I was a child we called our parents friends Auntie or Uncle X because it wouldn't be polite to call an adult just by their first name, but it was more friendly than Mr or Mrs. Most of dds friends just call me by my first name but some would call me Mrs Mistle at first.

Exactly this. I am not ancient and it would have been thought very rude to address adults by their first name. I still to this day call my best friend's parents, who I have known since I was 11, Mr and Mrs R, it would seem very strange to call them Margaret and James. The same friend's kids call me Auntie Puff, always have and the eldest is 18. I am very close to all 3 of them and it's natural. They call my DC their cousins ( sometimes frousins if people are asking!). My DH is Uncle too to them and my friend's DH is uncle, would seem strange otherwise.

My DC - teens and younger- would all refer to friend's parents as Mrs/ Mr Surname until told by the parents to refer to their name (DC 16 does refer to his best mate's parents as first names and has done for years, and the his friends call me Puff so perhaps society is changing).

I have also heard teachers address parents as 'Mum'.....

This irks the hell out of me, doctors do it too.

I seriously think that treating someone differently because they're older than you (when you're both adults) is ageist.

A person is not more worthy of respect because they are above a certain age.

Ha, when the DDs were at primary school, I was always X's or Y's mummy unless we knew the family really well. But as I taught in their secondary school, I was always Mrs Fan. Even now both are at uni, they still do it. I have told them that they can call me Malbec, but old habits die hard. I like being called Mrs Fan. It shows respect. I call most of the parents by their title & surname unless I know them already.

It's the same with my boss. My DDs call him Mr A but his wife by her first name.

When I was a kid, my mother used to refer to their friends as Auntie this and Uncle that. Bloody stupid - once we grew up we called them by their first names. We thought it was really confusing for our DDs so didn't bother. However, my actual aunt decided to get rid of the aunt/uncle titles when my cousin got married. That was really hard to get used to until DD1 came along when we could call her auntie again - she hated the idea of great aunt!

I teach at a special school and the children all use our first names which seems to be common practice. I found it very weird during my teacher training being called ‘Miss Surname’ at mainstream schools and agree calling people by surnames feels quite outdated nowadays.

The default should be to address someone as Mr/Mrs then if they wish they can ask you to call them by their first name.

The other way around is much more awkward.

My elderly mother hated being called by her first name by care workers or doctors or nurses. She always maintained it upset the hcp and patient professional boundary. She was the patient and not their friend or colleague. If any carer asked if they could call her “Anne” she always said no.

I don't insist on being called MrsHamlet by my students; it's simply convention that they do.
I am in touch with a number of former students and they find calling me Gertrude quite difficult!

My Indian friends growing up always used uncle and auntie

My parents had a lot of friends with kids and we always called each other's parents by their first names

Tbf most HCP will ask you how you want to be addressed

I still don't think it is right to simply assume Mr or Mrs is referred or more respectful

It's respect and good manners. It shows that the teacher and pupil are not on the same level. Because they aren't. I work with parents and always address them by title and surname.

@MrsHamlet

I don't insist on being called MrsHamlet by my students; it's simply convention that they do. I am in touch with a number of former students and they find calling me Gertrude quite difficult!

I'm still in contact with 3 of my teachers, they will always be Mr/Mrs X to me

It’s just a sign of respect. My GP certainly addresses me as Mrs when they first call me. We always called teachers and lecturers by their surnames. And actually I had a lecturer in uni who insisted we call him by his first name and it took me a long time to get used to that.

I work in a university and while I’d call colleagues by their first names (would be weird not to), anyone senior to me I would address as Dr or Professor until we were clearly on a first name basis. Students call me Dr, though I generally sign my emails to them with my first name as I’m happy for the not to call me by my surname.

I'm ok with the kids calling the teacher Mrs / Miss - it's practical.
I don't feel at all comfortable, as a 42 year old who has worked in a professional sector for 20 years, being expected to call a teacher Mrs. It perpetuates the feeling that they have the upper hand in a relationship. It feels strange. I don't call even my most senior & "impressive" clients Mrs or Mr!
It irks me more than it ought to!
(And no, I'm not an awkward parent- ex PTA chair!)

When I was at school we referred to the teachers as Sir and Ma'am. And it wasn't some posh private school either, but a Stevenage comprehensive.

@Lairyfightzzzz

I seriously think that treating someone differently because they're older than you (when you're both adults) is ageist.

A person is not more worthy of respect because they are above a certain age.

I think all adults, regardless of age, who are strangers or whose acquaintance is formed in a business context should use title/surname until invited to do otherwise.

What children of your acquaintance call you, or what you referred to adults as a child is irrelevant. The teacher / child and teacher / parent relationship is a professional relationship not an informal one. The norm is to address the teacher as Title Surname. I’m addressed like that by the bank and Drs also. I find it grating when people I don’t know who are dealing with me professionally use my first name without asking. To my mind you use the formal name or establish what name people want to use. When we visited friends in Texas a couple of years ago they asked what their children were to call us and also asked that our DD addressed then as Miss Firstname and Mr Firstname. I thought it was funny because my friend is very laid back but that’s normal for them so of course we obliged.

I’ve been in schools where first names were used. It was no big deal inside the school, but we always ran into massive problems dealing with outside agencies, such as the council, unions, etc because all our paperwork had first names in, whereas all official documentation needs people addressed by the day name. Now I’m in a school where students address me by my last name. I do prefer it, first names are for close contacts only. I don’t have that level of intimacy with students. Any customer facing worker that addressed me by my first name without my explicit permission would get a complaint made about them. It has happened once or twice in the last decade, but it’s very rare

I didn't even call the headteacher by his first name in my first teaching job! But I think that's probably because I was only 5 years out of school myself at that point.

@Retys it's a bit odd when you're in the pub though 🤣

But my students are not my friends, why would I like them calling me Puff? With my friends I don't set work, ask for homework, give them grades or sometimes need to call them out on their behaviour! This doesn't mean I don't have a great relationship with all my students, it's just a distance thing.

You may use my first name... really? Upon invitation?

Who on earth do you people think you are?

"The Bouquet Residence, Lady of the house speaking..."

I think all adults, regardless of age, who are strangers or whose acquaintance is formed in a business context should use title/surname until invited to do otherwise

Agreed. I always instructed my children to address friends parents as Mr and Mrs, unless invited to do otherwise. My German friend was absolutely horrified when her son addressed me as firstname, he was severely reprimanded. In many cultures it is a respectful address. I think in the UK we are too lax with respect for elders, or teachers, or those in authority. My biggest dislike is when a teen will retort to an adult in authority "you disrespect me" - ummm, yes, well, it goes both ways son.

@Lairyfightzzzz I have never ever been asked how I wish to be addressed by an HCP. It is assumed every time they may use my first name. And as a parent call me "mum". They may do neither and it is particularly irksome when a nurse uses my first name and refers to the Dr by title. Almost as irksome as when a doctor introduces him or herself as Dr or Mr/Ms Bloggs having just addressed me by my first name. It is unbelievably rude and reductive. Let alone anti equality.

My children called their teachers Mrs, Miss, Mr and their teachers called me Mrs. Not a problem.