Do you think you're resilient?

[wonderwhatshappening1978]

Sometimes I think yes!

Sometimes I think no (declaring myself crap).

Do you think you're resilient and answer dependent, what's helped you to be so do you think?

I am although it has taken a battering over the years. We are all a product of our experiences and age. I know that I have never fully recovered from being bullied at work as that is when anxiety set in.

Then having truly awful neighbours battered me some more. But I'm slowly getting better

@lightand

op. Inner peace. You asked me about my post. As Christians, we are taught to pass all our anxieties onto God by praying. I think of it like a game of pass the parcel! And then not to worry. So whatever we have going on in our lives, or whatever is going on in the world, we pray about those things, we make requests, and then accept whatever happens as being God's will for us.

If I wasnt a Christian, I am pretty sure I would been on anti depresents by now, like many other people.

I realise and understand that not everyone sees life like this.

I remember a friend telling me as a 9 year old being sexually abused by her father she prayed to God for help - and her father continued to abuse her, her mother did not believe her and her belief that God did not survive the abuse - hard to believe in a God who sees sexal abuse as being God's will for a 9 year old. I suppose like a lot of things - it depends on what you're dealing with.

I dont want to derail the thread. I have been thinking about doing a AMA at some point, but I have been holding back, partly because of posts like yours, and partly I wouldnt do it, if at all, until I felt the time was right.
I dont have all the answers. No Christian does. We are not expected to.
There have always been horrors going on.

fwiw, and I realise it is scant comfort, I know someone like you describe. She is now a Christian and yes, she is "thankful" to God for what she experienced. She says she is now able to help others in many ways, as she is a bit unique in some ways, in what she went through.
I dont think that can be said of too many others though.

The op asked me to comment further on my earlier post, and that is what I have done for her.

Justwatchme.....aw, that poor child. Examples like that are heartbreaking.

As for me, I would say I am resilient yes, like many others because I've had to be. Child abuse, alone from 17, had to make it work.

What helped was getting help at 23, so young, and I really took the wisdom of counsellors and self help books on board. I was also tough with myself around money and work. It had to be that way as there was no one else to help.

Having said that it became obvious that being an island unto myself was not a wise approach to life, but a reflection of my past, so that then had to change. But even recognising and dealing with that meant resilience.

I think it's good that so many adults are resilient. Life requires that we be, but not be too hard either.

@lightand Was your response to my post? I'm happy for you that your religion brings you hope and gives you resilience - I just wanted to point out that it isn't always the case and sometimes feeling let down by God - makes things a lot worse.

Reading through these posts, I've realised I might have interpreted resilience differently to others. When I say I'm not resilient, I'm mean I'm over sensitive to the point that - using my words carefully - I was amazed to be here still at 40 and now again, at nearly 45.

I've been through a lot of ill health as a child and adult, in my 20s several friends died - think half your phone contacts knocked out because of a massive accident - my father had health issues all his life, both parents have nearly died a number of times though my father eventually did, after three months of inhumane treatment. In my 30s I had a sort of breakdown and then a few years later, a spinal injury.

Innumerable shitty jobs.

But I am not resilient.

Yes, @JustWatchMe. Thank you.
I quite understand what you are saying. I would say more, but I dont want to derail the thread.

I dont think you are over sensitive AcornAutumn. What you're describing is a lot of trauma. I'd say, take special care of all those emotional wounds, as they are there and are not to be ignored, but try to reach balance too, as what's happened to you is unusual and therefore to be accounted for, if that makes sense.

People often call me resilient but what they mean is I've been through a lot, which isn't the same thing.

@something2say

I dont think you are over sensitive AcornAutumn. What you're describing is a lot of trauma. I'd say, take special care of all those emotional wounds, as they are there and are not to be ignored, but try to reach balance too, as what's happened to you is unusual and therefore to be accounted for, if that makes sense.

Oh sorry I was listing those because people listed they stuff they dealt with

So have I, so have most of us, but what does it have to with resilience?

I just meant I am over sensitive, I was like that as a child, though I am working on it

I don't think coping with normal life crap has made me resilient. I wonder if it's more of an innate thing? Or what do people mean by it on this thread?

Yes in lots of situations.
But betrayal is very hard to take. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and I never recover enough to ever forgive. I snip them out and they never get another chance. That's my way of protecting me.

@Zenithbear

Yes in lots of situations. But betrayal is very hard to take. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and I never recover enough to ever forgive. I snip them out and they never get another chance. That's my way of protecting me.

what is the connection with betrayal and resilience? I do not forgive. I am very "fool me once"... etc. I don't think it shows a lack of resilience.

Yes I am very resilient. I have been through a lot. Including being widowed at 30 with 3 kids. Every shit bomb that's ever been thrown my way, I've dealt with alone. I genuinely don't have anyone to lean on emotionally and never have. Financially my parents have stepped in and helped on rare occasions when I simply had to accept help but otherwise I talk to myself a lot. The way I deal with life is to have a contingency plan for everything and a back up plan for my contingency plan. I don't dwell on things very much and I'm a very silver lining person. I suffer from anxiety, but after many years I know how to to compartmentalise my emotions and get on with life until I get some alone time to deal with my issues. I'm not saying how amazing I am, just that my circumstances have never given me somebody to lean on. Everyone leans on me. Yes I know it's not very healthy but what can you do?

A survey conducted by Everyday Health, in partnership with The Ohio State University, found that 83 percent of Americans believe they have high levels and emotional and mental resilience. In reality, only 57 percent scored as resilient. Take the
www.everydayhealth.com/wellness/resilience/get-your-resilience-score/ to find out your resilience score, and learn what skills you should develop to become more resilient.

Yes because I lived and travelled abroad on my own at a young age. I worked with horrible people using a language I wasn't fluent in.
No because I have never had to go through extreme trauma or hardship so how would I know?
No because if something is hard I am happy to let it go.
Yes because I had 3 kids close together in age, and had no support except my dh, who needs a lot of looking after himself.

I think I am. I guess I just try to break things right down so I can manage so it might be taking it a day at a time and/or creating a list of small actions that I can work through. I've always been kind enough to myself to just go back to bed when things are tough and that's what I need to do. Bed, book, sleep and keep going. It hasn't always been easy and I've definitely been tested but it's given me grit and that has kept me pushing on to where I am now which is great home, great family, great job. It certainly hasn't come easy but there was no way I was ever going to give up and still feel the same way.