Do you think you're resilient?

[wonderwhatshappening1978]

Sometimes I think yes!

Sometimes I think no (declaring myself crap).

Do you think you're resilient and answer dependent, what's helped you to be so do you think?

Yes I am. The more shit that is thrown at me the more resilient I get. My family say I'm a strong woman. I would say I am not strong - I just refuse to let the buggers get to me. The older I get the thicker my skin gets.

No. I'm amazed I'm still here.

PS I'm very independent though

But I'd like to be resilient too.

I used to be really resilient but feel like I've ran out of resilience and struggle to cope with very minor issues. I think it's the impact of living with loads of crap chronic health conditions, I feel like my resilience bandwidth has totally reduced & I feel anxious and overwhelmed constantly.

Yes, and I think most people are even if they don't realise it. Very few people live a charmed life, there are always challenges at different stages of life that need to be gotten through, be it losing a parent, failing relationships, challenges with raising children, issues with friendships, stress from work, financial worries, etc. I've had some pretty tough times,at different times during my life and I guess it was a case of sink or swim and I chose to swim and just push on. What other choice is there really?

No definitely not.

Yes I think I am

Yes, and probably because I was very badly bullied at school, including being physically beaten up by gangs of children and sometimes fearing for my life. Nothing in adult life (or not much) can equal the utter hell I went through as a child.

Over the last few years I’ve dealt with divorce, workplace bullying, mystery illness of one of my kids, a house move, an anxiety diagnosis (medicated) difficulty with my declining parents, then the deaths of my parents within eight months of each other (one just before Covid and one during) and then the whole pandemic thing.

Still working, doing a part-time Masters, gave up drinking nearly six months ago, have lost nearly two stone and got fit. Have a lovely new DH now, too.

I’d say I’m pretty resilient

Thank you @Needallthesleep for sharing Dr Lucy Hone's video. I found it very helpful.

I think I am and now that someone actually asked the question, I'd be tempted to say I became resilient in 2020, but if I go into it, I realise I've always been. Resilience is an amazing quality to have.

I'm not always the most optimistic, but I sure know how to bounce back when shit hits the fan/

I don’t know if I am resilient. I’ve been through a difficult childhood, have a responsible job and am a single parent. I try to just get on with stuff and I’m self reliant but am affected by stress. So I would like to be more self reliant.

I am, I think it's because we moved around a lot when I was a child so I had to start over many times, in different countries and it always turned out fine. I also learned not to rely much on anyone, but that people everywhere are mostly alright.

Interesting posts. A lot of people saying they are resilient because they had difficult childhoods etc. Tough childhoods don't make a person resilient, they destabilise. Stable, secure upbringings nurture resilience.

@LunaNorth

Over the last few years I’ve dealt with divorce, workplace bullying, mystery illness of one of my kids, a house move, an anxiety diagnosis (medicated) difficulty with my declining parents, then the deaths of my parents within eight months of each other (one just before Covid and one during) and then the whole pandemic thing.

Still working, doing a part-time Masters, gave up drinking nearly six months ago, have lost nearly two stone and got fit. Have a lovely new DH now, too.

I’d say I’m pretty resilient

@Latetodate

Interesting posts. A lot of people saying they are resilient because they had difficult childhoods etc. Tough childhoods don't make a person resilient, they destabilise. Stable, secure upbringings nurture resilience.

I just think some of us are dandelions and some orchids (Dr W Thomas Boyce). I'm not resilient because of my childhood, probably despite it.

Theres a really toxic movement in education at the moment where teachers keep telling young children to just “be resilient”.
You can’t just “be resilient” it depends upon having a support network and secure attachments, full tummy and high wellbeing apart from the situation that’s challenging you.
So much gas lighting towards children just telling them to be resilient.

I’ve come across studies on attempts to increase resilience in kids which led to lower levels of empathy, the psychologists seemed to think too much resilience probably wasn’t a great thing for society - wish I could remember the source - I have a feeling it was via the author of Grit - Angela Duckworth

I think going through tough times and coming our the other side gives you an inner knowledge and strength - removes a bit of the fear from things going wrong.
The number of strongly academic kids I know who failed their driving test first time and wouldn’t sit it again is quite surprising - they weren’t used to failing, so just decided that the test meant they weren’t good at driving. These kids were not used to getting back on the proverbial horse and trying again. They allowed a test to define them.
People who decide resilience is not relying on others make working with them very difficult- we work as a team - someone who is struggling to deliver on a deadline needs to share that so we can all pitch in and help meet that deadline - it isn’t all about them it’s all about meeting the deadline. I see recognising you need help and reaching out to people around you for support as resilience - however if you have no one to give you that support what choice do you have.
As to whether I think I have resilience - it depends - not all the time on all things, I have things I get triggered over and I know my reaction is disproportionate but like everything I know it will pass.
People around me think I’m nails - my family know I’m not.

The most interesting thing I have read about resilience is that a lot of people talk about it at an individual level, really you need to look at it at a society level as well. So does our social structure cope when its tested and bounce back or allow individuals to do so.
So for instance our nhs hasnt been that resilient dealing with a pandemic - and that will impact on individuals. But it has been more resilient that some countries. Our food supply seems good but then we have food banks so there is a lack of resilience there.

Yes. But I think it's also made me a bit cold and reserved.

op. Inner peace. You asked me about my post. As Christians, we are taught to pass all our anxieties onto God by praying. I think of it like a game of pass the parcel! And then not to worry.
So whatever we have going on in our lives, or whatever is going on in the world, we pray about those things, we make requests, and then accept whatever happens as being God's will for us.

If I wasnt a Christian, I am pretty sure I would been on anti depresents by now, like many other people.

I realise and understand that not everyone sees life like this.

I thought I was, but some tough times really tested me and took longer to recover from than I would have previously thought. But being aware of ones weaknesses is a positive thing, and I did get very good at compartmentalizing.

Some people have confidence and trust in themselves, some people find that elsewhere, for example in religion/God, but both can really help with resilience.

In a not dissimilar way to someone who thinks 'this is beyond my control', my DM would 'hand her problems over to God'. She might pray for an answer, a resolution or just the strength to deal with a situation.
Feeling like you're not totally on your own can bring huge comfort.

@lightand
Yes that's how I see it. However, when things were really tough I struggled to pray for anything at all - my DM did that for me!
It reminds me of the Footprints prayer though.

Probably not as I think my life is probably very easy compared to most ppl in the world...

When things are really tough, I just say God's will be done and leave it at that for the time being, or even just "God's will".
Lovely that your DM takes over @DinosApple.

Yes, I know others who love the Footprints prayer.