Do you think you're resilient?

[wonderwhatshappening1978]

Sometimes I think yes!

Sometimes I think no (declaring myself crap).

Do you think you're resilient and answer dependent, what's helped you to be so do you think?

Yes. I was an expat child and then ended up becoming an expat spouse. When you are in a new country every few years, you toughen up quick.

I believe I am resilient and people tell me I am. But I often worry my resilience just hadn’t been fully tested yet.

Resilience is the key thing I would like to instil in my daughter.

Thanks for that, thst might be valuable for my work

Not sure about self esteem helping resilience. I hate myself and would happily drop dead tomorrow. My resilience is that I don’t.

I dont know. I guess we all think we are resilient until something knocks us harder than we expected. Ive had lots of external events thay have been hard and some minor medical issues, but i have mainly been warm, dry, well fed and healthy with support but no-one knows what the future holds.

I am. I have always been very independent and I've survived a lot of very tough times. I am a positive person and a few people rely on me to keep them going. So that's probably what has helped me to get through at least in recent years - other people needing me to be strong. I think pride is a factor too.

Around 10 years ago, through my divorce and battles at work which went on for a couple of years (working full time as a CEO and people signing petitions to get rid of me), I survived because my kids needed me and because friends supported me.

More recently during covid, an extremely painful fall out with my family and (again) trouble at work, while trying to manage a house move I really struggled. Friends were very kind. And I had to keep going to support my Dad 91 who relies on me and my DC who are both having mental health issues.

When you're focusing on being positive for other people you don't focus as much on how you're feeling. And I think I just naturally always had a very independent spirit. Since I was a teenager I always felt the only person who was responsible for my happiness was me. Even though I was very loved. I still think that. I have to make my life be good. I'm not owed it.

I think maybe this sounds arrogant - but I really don't mean that. Just owing it to myself and the other people I love to try. I don't have a partner to lean on.

Yes I do. I’ve gone through some horrible things and come out the other side. But I think everyone is resilient to a point. We all have a point where we can’t take any more and if we didn’t I don’t think that would be healthy tbh

Yes, to my detriment as I get frustrated when those around me (particularly at work) seem incapable of carrying a similar or anywhere near close mental load. I have my wobbles and I can have momentary freak outs but on the whole I carry quite big burdens but I don't seem to find it anywhere as difficult as some people around me. An example being when people talk about working full times and having kids and how hard it is, I've just never found it a huge commitment even when DH is working abroad and I'm on my own no family support, juggled it, some tricky days when the kids are ill, but I take it in my stride. Some of the things people talk about as being hugely stressful I just don't feel it that way. I'm not sure why.

I resuscitate people for a living, including children.

I’d be dead myself if I weren’t.

That’s doesn’t mean I can’t break.

Although it’s never occurred to me to describe living in another country or doing martial arts as evidence of resilience. That’s:....nonsense.......

I don’t think that I am, but I’ve held a lot together in extremely difficult circs over the last five years, I worry tremendously, like it’s a serious hobby, but my dad told me that I’m really strong today, and it lifted my head a little - have been looking after an ill child. It’s all about perception, I guess.

I find a useful phrase when dealing with things you can't change is to say mentally (or occasionally out loud) Chuck it in the Fuck it Bucket!

It cheers me up and is a sort of mental note on having the wisdom to accept what can't be changed. I don't allow myself to dwell on things that have been placed in the Fuck it Bucket.

@AnnabelleMarx

I resuscitate people for a living, including children.

I’d be dead myself if I weren’t.

That’s doesn’t mean I can’t break.

Although it’s never occurred to me to describe living in another country or doing martial arts as evidence of resilience. That’s:....nonsense.......

Surely building a successful life in a new country requires a certain degree of resilience, though? Not sure about martial arts, although achieving a high level of competency in any field does require determination and not giving up easily.

For the most part yes (ish) ! then the last six months of 2020 happened and I admit I had a bit of a wobble, lots of bad stuff happened to family members in a short space of time and I managed to hold it together for so long then needed a bit of time to rebuild everyone and deal with the fallout.
I have imposter syndrome at work, due in part to perimenopause brain fug, ask me anything on the spot and it feels like my brain goes automatically to a circle of doom setting. It's all in there but I am on mute

I used to be but the pandemic has really tested my resolve

Yes. I am brilliant at taking a kicking and getting back up. My ability to do so has been a blessing and a curse as I'm always ok even when awful things happen to me, but it's also meant that I've put up with too much, and suffered abuse as a result. (I was trained as a child/teen not to see myself as important in any way).

I always say that if I had to pick one word to describe my personality, I’d say resilience. You name it, I’ve been through it, had an awful childhood and first marriage. Have had to rebuild my life from scraps more than once, yet I still persist and get up each day with a spring in my step ready to seize the day. I know it’s annoying for others but I don’t really care. If I could bottle the feeling in my heart and give it away to others, I would.

Yes - I'm very resilient. A lot of things I've had to go through, I've had friends break down for less. I'm lucky that I can compartmentalise things and keep going regardless of how awful things are. I don't think I'm better than anyone but think it's an innate personality piece and I'm fortunate to have the resilience gene.

What do you mean OP?

What are the differences one could notice about a person with high resilience? Is it not just another way of saying "stoic" or "stiff upper lip"

I have actually realised over the last year that I'm a lot more positive and resilient than I previously gave myself credit for.

What are the differences one could notice about a person with high resilience? Is it not just another way of saying "stoic" or "stiff upper lip"

I don't think they're the same. "Stiff upper lip" is more about what you choose to show to the outside world imo, so you might be falling apart inside but putting on a brave face. Resilience is more about your internal coping mechanisms and your ability to deal with disappointments/bounce back from setbacks. I don't think it's always possible to see resilience from the outside looking in, but it can be pretty easy to see a lack of resilience iyswim.

I've thought a lot about resiliance. It was flavour of the month when my children were in middle school (grades 6-8) and we had speakers and all sorts of talks about it. D1 had a horrible late middle school/early high school experience. Struggled socially. Struggled academically. Serious mental health issues at times. Emotionally took everything on board when another kid would have shrugged it off. Often wanted to opt out, be home-schooled, not go to school. We used to say that if Avoidance and Denial were school subjects she'd be an A+ student.

DD2 was one of those seemingly "resiliant" kids who just keep going through, worked hard even if stressed, managed difficult social issues in middle school with aplomb. It wasn't always easy but she did brilliantly.

I think anyone looking at the two of them (they are only a year apart) would have said DD1 lacked resilience and dd2 had it. But I see it differently. DD1 had such issues to overcome that her getting up every morning and mostly keeping on trying and eventually having friends and graduating was a feat of resilience and bravery such as no one else in my family ever did.

I know I am resilient - I managed a difficult emigration and managed very difficult teenage years and a horrible family situation after a death. honestly I think the ability to form close friendships and have a sense of humour are probably the things that helped me most to be resilient.

I guess so, particularly since I had children and sometimes have to work through difficult things for their sake.
I do think the way 'be resilient' is being thrown around as an answer to everything at the moment is unhelpful though.

Yes, I dislike the fashionable "teaching resilience" in schools. When people say that "children are resilient", it's too often an excuse for shitty adult choices.

Yes - I'd say it's one of my more pleasing character attributes.

I've always been a generally positive and self-reliant sort of a person (although if you were look at that from a negative skew, I'm independent to a fault and keep other people out, deliberately, because in my mind, I'm the only person I can trust).

However, I'm also a pragmatist and good at letting hopeless things go, which I think is a pretty key element in the 'resilience toolbox'.