Do you think you're resilient?

[wonderwhatshappening1978]

Sometimes I think yes!

Sometimes I think no (declaring myself crap).

Do you think you're resilient and answer dependent, what's helped you to be so do you think?

No. I used to be, but my job (nursing) made me lose my resilience, which is a shame because the job is much harder without it. Apparently, I give a good impression of being resilient though. At work the other day people commented on how calm I was in a difficult situation but underneath I am a wreck.

I'm not sure if I'm resilient or if I just rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms. But I'm still here, despite having gone through a lot of terrible life experiences, and I am the person that people look to in a crisis.

I think so. I get stressed with life and situations and I am a "glass half empty" type of person but I think I'm able to bounce back from things.

I grew up with separated parents so to visit my dad on weekends and he was an alcoholic/very heavy drinker but I don't think that's bothered me too much.

Several of my close loved ones, old and young, have died over the years but I coped with the grief quite well.

We're financially screwed and have been for many years now, only just holding our heads above the water.

I have had cancer scares and depression and am on medication for that but I think I've taken that in my stride and am able to keep on keeping on.

Yes. I've built my self up from 1 ex who was violet physically and 1 ex who was mentally controlling but I saw through him and fought back.
Now married and he always says how resilient I am. And I'm prob too resilient in the way that nothing tends to bother me I just fight it naturally.
My mum always says I'm now hard faced.
Yes I have struggles still with MH due to the past but I fight it. And do everything to get on with life

I’m similar to you, @joystir59, secretly anxious
(although less then I used to be) but I’ve got through many crappy times since I was a child so I must be resilient somehow.😂

I’m also self-reliant and I didn’t always recognize what a good thing that is. You can certainly ask other people for advice/guidance, but ultimately, you need to solve your own problems and make your own way in the world.

I can bounce back from many things, though I do it better with other people.

I'm not sure on the things I am resilient with, but the things I tend to struggle more with are ones I learned at a young age that pushing through and 'bouncing back' didn't get me anywhere worthwhile or where failure had more painful consequences than expected or where I've had little success. I've had a lot of success bouncing back when people say nasty things or threaten me, I've had a lot less when someone with social power over me has done something horrible to me and I've tried to do something about it. That tends to get me feeling hopeless.

In my reading on resilience, there does seem part that's genetic and a large part with practicing difficult things and seeing bouncing back and pressing on when it's hard ends up being worth it (or not as painful as we feared) even if it doesn't end up how we originally thought.

Yes and I think most people are more resilient than they realise, working in a children's hospice taught me that, when things are really tough, most people are stronger than they ever knew. Like many here I had a tough childhood, I spent time in care and have a mother who has very unstable mental health and who could be very abusive. As an adult I have faced a lot and am now facing watching my partner die with cancer. The thought of his death is the one thing that terrifies me more than anything else in my life has.

I think I am, in general I am very positive & have a glass half full approach & I also am fairly happy with myself. I trust & believe in myself.
My upbringing definitely had an influence, parents were immigrants & grew up in a rough part of London with drug use in the family.
I try not to dwell on the negatives, my mum left her home country & family at 15 for a better life. My life is much easier than hers was.

I am.

I’ve been through an emotionally and financially abusive marriage, which ended in infidelity and months of financial destruction, caring for 3 kids under 5 which (ex)DH called from the top of bridges threatening to jump if I didn’t carry him through.

Been through a brutal rape which I’m still fighting.

In an intense senior job with abuse from all sides, while managing 3 kids and rebuilding £000s of destroyed finances. Been through lost pregnancy, lost friends, lost relatives, earthquakes! Fuck it adds up when I think about it.

To me resilience isn’t about never crying or feeling broken or being sad. It isn’t about having a permanently cheery outlook.

It’s about sinking for a moment and recognising that, then getting up and finding a solution and making a choice to be future facing. Happiness can be a choice. Letting people in when you know you might get hurt is a brave choice.

It’s about that saying, when you are walking through hell just keep walking.

Why am I resilient? Luck. Lucky to have had a solid upbringing with parents who were both loving but actually not emotionally over connected. I think oddly horse riding had a lot to do with it, with a stern instructor who wouldn’t brook any tears, you just brushed your broken arm (literally once) off and get back on the bloody horse .

But resilience isn’t always good, I lacked the ability to ask for help, to actually take care of myself rather than just driving in. Allowing myself a psychiatrist after the rape at the insistence of work was a blessing as now I haven’t lost the resilience but I can prioritise when a little self care is necessary.

To me, being resilient doesn’t mean being the best, being the fastest or the most efficient etc, it’s the attitude of refusing to be defeated.

Agree

Cognitively, I do my best but my nervous system doesn't always play along.

I’m very resilient. 30 years in the Police will do that for you. My last 15 years were spent dealing with child abuse, rapes, domestic violence, child sexual exploitation.

Thanks very much for the kind wishes- support from others definitely helps when it comes to getting through hard times. Even strangers, or when people have said they are praying for me (an atheist); feeling that I'm wrapped in positive energy is very comforting to me.

Catty- well done for pushing through that awful situation! And to everybody else facing the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune- I cheer you on .

No, I'm about as resilient as a sponge that's been dunked in acid.

Yes. I'm doing ok generally despite my upbringing.

I think I am pretty resilient, again another fake it til you make it! I do worry, but I do think life happens to us all, and good and bad stuff happens to many people, regardless of whether they are nice, horrible, loved, hated etc. Stuff happens.
I would say that I have a good support system though, so I don’t know how much that helps my resilience?

I thought I was but after forty years of having to be resilient, I feel like I'm all out.
The pandemic has defeated me. I'm surprised, I didn't think it would.

Yes definitely, I can still cry really easily, be triggered... But I am resilient.

I think that resilience relates directly to emotional regulation, and whilst this can be learned at a later age, it is normally formed in our early experiences and relationships. So, if your early childhood was chaotic, without a parent/caregiver able to regulate/soothe you as a baby - through mirroring, holding, responding to your needs, then later in life you may find it more difficult to regulate yourself.

My parents were both lovely, but my mother particularly found it quite difficult to be emotionally available. I used to hold on to problems until they became too much and I would explode - cold rage rather than just anger. Over the years, through lots of work and personal development, I have come to understand myself far more and when things happen I can be angry, upset, sad, without feeling overwhelmed. So now I believe I have a real core resilience.

@lightand

Yes. I am a Christian. I have inner peace.

If I wasnt a Christian I would be like jelly.

Please tell me more

@gasgig

To me, being resilient doesn’t mean being the best, being the fastest or the most efficient etc, it’s the attitude of refusing to be defeated.

Agree

Hear hear

@BitOfFun thank you but how can I complain when you and others are facing worse it’s seeing other people going through their battles with such strength that makes me realise I’m one of the lucky ones

I’m not resilient at all. However trying to be more so. This is an excellent (and FYI potentially triggering) ted talk about resilience which has helped me:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=NWH8N-BvhAw&feature=youtu.be

@MBear. I don't think being resilient means that you have to deal with everything alone (without a support system). IMO it means that you take ownership of problems. My children are currently exhibiting this to varying degrees. DS (12) will instantly yell "Mum" if he has a problem atm. He wants me to deal with it for him, even though it often makes more sense for him to think about it first, rather than offload it on me! DD (15) is now mature enough to think "Bugger, there's a problem. What I do I need to do to solve it?" That may involve asking Mum for help, or she may be able to handle it herself.
Unfortunately, some people never learn to deal with things themselves, so they're not v. resilient when life throws them a curveball. I know people of my age (40's) who still immediately yell "Mum." What about when Mum (or whoever) isn't available anymore?!

No.