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What kind of basic recipe can you not cook?

229 replies

OnlineMadNess · 23/01/2021 11:57

Omelettes :( They either burn or they're raw in the middle.

OP posts:
FlyingByTheSeatof · 23/01/2021 20:29

I found out with omelettes you need more oil and then they cook perfectly. At least in my non stick pans they do.

And with scrambled eggs cook on low for 10-15 mins not the usual 2-3 minutes we're used to.

I can only cook thicker American pancakes as like other PP I am rubbish at thinner crepe type ones.

Throughhistory · 23/01/2021 20:32

@TechnoDino

Flapjacks. I’m a very competent cook and baker but my flapjacks always crumble into granola Confused
Yes! I want crunchy, crumbly flapjack, not chewy. But not so crumbly it falls to bits. Can cook most things, but always ends up eating flapjack with a spoon, or alternatively it ends up like toffee.
Throughhistory · 23/01/2021 20:36

@LadyDique

A fried egg. Burnt underneath, raw on top, every time.

I've made my peace with it tbh and now only dh fries our eggs.

Fried eggs were just about the only thing my mum could cook. She would tilt the pan, get a teaspoonful of the hot oil and put it over the top of the egg, particularly the thicker part of the white. She'd keep doing it until the top was cooked. Perfect every time.

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Sometimesonly · 23/01/2021 20:36

I can only cook thicker American pancakes as like other PP I am rubbish at thinner crepe type ones
Crepes are really hard. Unless you have a completely flat pan and one of those wooden rake things to spread the batter, it's impossible to get them thin enough. Luckily I prefer British pancakes anyway!

Crystal90567 · 23/01/2021 20:40

Sponge cake. Never rises as much as I'd want and usually diagonal!

Chicchicchicchiclana · 23/01/2021 20:41

Fried eggs I go with the Marco Pierre White method which is cook gently in butter.

Throughhistory · 23/01/2021 20:42

Soup Dragon's recipe for flapjack is absolutely lovely, but it makes the more solid chewy sort, rather than the crumbly, crispy (but not falling apart) more open textured ones I'm after a recipe for. A friend's mum used to make them when we were children, they were bloody perfect.

jelly79 · 23/01/2021 21:04

Rice
Pancakes

Baking is hit and miss

The3rdWatermelon · 23/01/2021 21:10

Chocolate chip cookies.

I can make a beautiful Swiss roll, huge Victoria sponges, for my niece’s birthday I made a cake that looked like the bastard Tardis. My choc chip cookies come out crispy and flat and brittle and crumby every damn time, no matter what recipe I follow.

FlyingByTheSeatof · 23/01/2021 21:15

@Sometimesonly

I can only cook thicker American pancakes as like other PP I am rubbish at thinner crepe type ones Crepes are really hard. Unless you have a completely flat pan and one of those wooden rake things to spread the batter, it's impossible to get them thin enough. Luckily I prefer British pancakes anyway!
Ooops by Crepes I mean the usual thin British pancakes not the fancy super thin ones, sorry.
Krouse64 · 23/01/2021 21:25

I’m so embarrassed to admit this but trained as a chef for 2 years before I decided I hated it, so can cook loads of complicated dishes but can’t fry an egg. I’ve been married 25 years and my husband still doesn’t know this as I gently persuade him to have his eggs cooked differently Grin

KenAdams · 23/01/2021 21:29

Eggs, the bastards

SpudsandGravy · 23/01/2021 21:44

Rice, omelette and mayo. I know mayo is sometimes regarded as complicated, but I see people making it and making it look easy, so I'm not sure why it has generally turned out terrible when I've tried to do it :)

Wigeon · 23/01/2021 22:04

Am a competent cook but can’t do toad in the hole. Sticks like crazy to the dish. Batter is cooked in parts and not in other parts. Doesn’t rise properly.

However:

I can do fantastic scones with Nigella’s recipe

And perfect rice every time: measure rice in a measuring jug. Note the volume (eg we do 200ml for 4). Rinse well with cold water. Pour over double the volume of boiling water (ie 400ml water to 200ml rice). Lid on, simmer for exactly 15 mins. Do not stir. Do not remove lid during cooking time. Ta da - perfect rice.

GrouchyKiwi · 23/01/2021 22:16

Like a PP, presentation is where I'm crap. I'm too impatient to do it properly.

For poached eggs: I have discovered the following things.

  1. If a recipe says to put salt in the water, don't. Salt stops the egg whites from forming properly.
  2. Use white wine vinegar in the water. This DOES help the egg whites.
  3. The temperature of the water is the key thing. I use a deep fry pan, get it to just before boiling, and have the heat just enough to have tiny bubbles around the edges of the pan but none breaking the surface.
  4. Cracking into a ramekin or similar first does help, but I'm now confident enough to do without.

I still have the occasional off day, but mostly it works.

SpudsandGravy · 23/01/2021 22:18

I forgot roast chicken! I always dry it out, despite buttering it in advance, basting etc :-(

TooManyTimesNow · 23/01/2021 22:57

Bread. No matter how much I try it always ends up tasting of nothing.

Graphista · 23/01/2021 23:16

@queentsumtsum it's a question of timings like a roast. Do the stuff that will keep warm in the oven first (generally I find tattle scones, the veg, link sausages and bacon are fine in the oven) then ones that aren't so good for that last (mainly eggs but also the puddings and Lorne sausage) so work it that way. Oven only needs to be on low. That's if I'm doing a fry for many. If it's just me I just warm the plate (run under hot tap a wee while then dry off) and cook in that preferred order depending what I'm having, today it was tattie scones mushrooms, eggs and beans in that order. I do beans last as I've a tendency to be complacent with them and forget them resulting in ok beans but a very sticky pan!

Showing my ignorance here, but what's fruit pudding??

It's like a black pud but no blood and added dried fruit

@Bridewel1 my ex mil gave me an excellent book when I first married that was exactly like that really old and haven't been able to track it down since I lost it.

It included really simple basics I'm talking how to prep a carrot or potato!

But went on to instruct on the basic sauce skills, pastry types and methods, basic cakes and biscuits, filleting, prepping shell fish etc it was a FABULOUS book. I was a pretty competent if basic cook before getting that but the more advanced stuff was really handy and there were lots of hints and tips and clues as to eg how an item should look at various points in the recipe - and the pictures weren't made by "food techs" who'd used shaving foam and superglue! They were real, kinda messy pics where eg a beef stew just looked normal not rich and glossy as they do in recipe pics now, the biscuits would have slightly uneven edges etc

Far more realistic and very good.

ithinkyouareveryrude · 23/01/2021 23:21

Rice.

I can make a beef Wellington with my eyes closed but rice?

No fucking way. I have to do it in the microwave and even then it’s barely bloody edible.

DumpTrump · 24/01/2021 00:52

@Wigeon Try this recipe for toad in the hole. It always works for me when other recipes haven't. www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/sams-toad-hole

Teddy1970 · 24/01/2021 00:59

I'm not a bad cook, but I cannot make nice sandwiches for the life of me! MIL makes some really lovely ones, mine are just rubbish.

Bouledeneige · 24/01/2021 01:13

I'm pretty good at most things mentioned here - like pancakes, rice, lasagne (but I love the crispy bits), cakes, Yorkshire puds, toad in the hole, and omelettes. Also good at risotto, mousses, souflees etc.

But meringue! No. Either gets stuck to the paper or tastes of vegetable oil, or doesn't really cook through properly. And homemade pastry, No.

LadyJaye · 24/01/2021 02:14

Scones. I think they might be made of magic.

I'm not much of a baker, mostly because I don't really like cake very much, but I'm an excellent cook and reasonably competent when it comes to technical things like meringue, sweet soufflés, macaron etc.

Fucking scones, though. CANNOT get them at all.

SaltyTootsieToes · 24/01/2021 04:34

Honeycomb

RaaRaaeee · 24/01/2021 10:12

Dumplings!

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