What kind of basic recipe can you not cook?

[OnlineMadNess]

Omelettes :( They either burn or they're raw in the middle.

@TechnoDino

Flapjacks. I’m a very competent cook and baker but my flapjacks always crumble into granola

Add some condensed milk! Gives you chewy flapjack

@MindGrapes

Poached egg. I just do a softish boiled egg instead.

Me too! DH can poach eggs no problem, but I always turn it into Gross Egg White Splat with Water. Or Gross Egg White Splat With Vinergary Water.

I love poached eggs done properly (good cafe). I've tried everything. I even bought these poachies. Little plastic bags. Half the egg still managed to escape in fronds.

Anything where you need to roll dough like biscuits or pizza. I just cant get the consistency right and it always sticks and rips when I try to put it on the baking tray. I know it should be simple but it's guarantee I end up in a strop. I am ok at pancakes, yorkshires or cakes though.

Pastry is my baking nemesis. Even with shop bought shortcrust, I'm never sure how long/what temperature to cook it at to make sure it is cooked through without that raw line that can run through it, without overdoing the top.

Cake

For poached eggs,I’m sure I saw a telly chef ages ago recommending stirring up the water in the pan and then dropping the egg in the middle of the whirlpool so the egg kind of wraps around itself

Before Christmas I would have said meringues, but since acquisition of Kenwood Kmix and use of chick pea water rather than egg white, I can make them.

Rice - I use a mug 1 mug of rice to 2 mugs of boiling water pinch of salt in a covered pan on the heat for 7 mins, then take off the heat but leave the lid on for another 7 mins, perfectly cooked steamed rice!

Lasagne - I always dip them in boiling water before layering. Cook until the lasagne is bubbling at the sides and going brown on the top.

Beef stew - also ends up as a watery tasteless mess 😭

Yorkshire puddings.

I can cook pretty much anything but I cant bake to save my life.
I've stopped even trying now.
My Kitchenaid is known as the very expensive kitchen ornament.

Roast beef. It always turns out like leather

Never managed a poached egg in the traditional way, plopped into saucepan of swirled, boiled water. Always just ends up a stringy, vinegary mess.

The easiest way to cook omelettes is to start them off under a pan on a MEDIUM heat and then when the edges will lift away from the side of the pan fairly easily transfer the frying pan to the grill to cook the top (takes seconds), then add ham/cheese/whatever and fold as you put on the plate.

I also only cook poached eggs in cling film (cling film in a mug, crack egg into it, lift the film out and twist the top to make a parcel, add parcel to pre-boiled pan of water and simmer for 4-5 mins, lifting out the parcel and unwrapping to check if white is cooked, unwrap and scoff with joy).

I am a bit of an wgg cooker, though. My MIL, who can cook great cakes and roasts etc, really can't do any kind of eggs and insists you're can either cook eggs or not.

Hope that helps, OP.

Oh, and I'm shit at Yorkshire Puddings - always too thick at the base. I just buy frozen ones, it's too much of an arse pain!

For poached eggs I use these - way better than dropping them into the water. Recommend !

www.amazon.co.uk/Poacher-Cups-Pack-Perfect-Poached/dp/B06XF5S543/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=Silicone+Egg+Poacher&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1611405620&sr=8-4

I was shit at rice too until a friend posted these instructions on Facebook:
Put a dash of veg oil into a metal pan (you’ll need one with a lid) and use your fingers to coat the inside of the pan with it. Not a lot, just a tiny bit. Put the heat on. After a few minutes add however much much rice you need and stir so it is all coated in the warm oil. After a minute or two add twice as much boiling water as there is rice (so half a cup rice = 1 cup water, etc). The water will get quite excited when it hits the pan! Stir through the rice ONCE then put the lid on and leave to simmer for 10 minutes. Take off the heat and set aside for 5 minutes. Take off lid and stir through ONCE - voila, fluffy rice. Don’t overstir as that will make it mushy.

Poached egg.

I am a good cook, it's my favourite thing to do. I cook everyday, read recipe books all the time etc but ask me to poach an egg and you will get a watery, overcooked, stringy mess.

I also can't cook omelettes. I'm rubbish at toad in the hole too.

6 to 6.5 minutes is far too long for a soft-boiled egg. If the water is boiling when the eggs are added and the eggs were at room temperature (which is what I do), I give it 4 minutes from that point, and I turn the heat down so it's not boiling vigorously. Once the timer goes off I count briskly to 30 and then I take the eggs out and eat immediately. I always put a bit of salt in the water too. For hard-boiled, I add a couple of minutes. I don't like them to be too hard.

My weakness is presentation. What I cook usually tastes OK but I wouldn't get far on Masterchef. I admire people who can decorate cakes beautifully. I'm doing well if I slather some icing on the top and get some sprinkles or a cherry on.

Get a rice cooker people! No fuss and great rice everytime.

@HelgaGPataki
I bought baking bands to help with this problem and they've really improved my bakes. Do you have a fan assisted oven by any chance?

www.lakeland.co.uk/32124/PME-Level-Baking-Belt---Fits-20cm-Round-Tin?gclid=CjwKCAiAr6-ABhAfEiwADO4sfc_oECpvkrNGfmI-17NxD0M_SuJoCKe3_rbjgmS1mE8HffkRWHiRhRoCp2AQAvD_BwE&src=gfeed&s_kwcid=AL!49!3!456457690750!!!g!!&ef_id=CjwKCAiAr6-ABhAfEiwADO4sfc_oECpvkrNGfmI-17NxD0M_SuJoCKe3_rbjgmS1mE8HffkRWHiRhRoCp2AQAvD_BwE:G:s

I can cook most of these (and I don't do my dippy eggs, rice, lasagne poached eggs, or omlettes anything like the people advising on here! (seriously who puts a lid on when cooking omlettes)

Which just goes to show that there a many ways of cooking different things.

The ones I can't do are
scones - I can bake other things, but not scones. Always flat and rock hard
bread (mind you, my local bakery sells lovely bread, so I am not sure why I would bother, it takes so LOOONG, and is then too solid)
anything in a slow cooker - I have tried. Really I have tried and followed recipes etc, and no, always comes out less good than the same thing cooked in the oven.
homemade pizzas well, I can do them if I roll straight on to a pan, but you know how on TV they slide a wooden paddle underneath and lift it up? How? Mine sticks to the table!

White/cheese sauce - it always tastes 'floury' or just has an odd taste. Years I've tried

@ktp100 Oh wow I never thought of this for poached eggs! I would have thought the cling would just shrivel in the hot water. Thanks I will try this next Time.

Proper poached eggs. I love poached eggs done in the water, as opposed to the little pots / pouches you float in the water. But they just turn into wet foul egg cobwebs, regardless of the method. What I do now is cook them in a mug on the microwave. Put in 1/3 mug boiling water, crack the egg in, pierce the yolk so it doesn't explode and put it in the microwave with a plate on top for 30/40 secs. Hoik it out with a couple of spoons and break the yolk as soon as it's on the plate to stop it cooking. It's not perfect, but it's better than a pan full of stringy egg.

For dippy eggs / or any boiled in shell egg I use one of those plastic eggs in the pan that shows different degrees of doneness.