I like the idea of a ‘wellness journey’

[MuddyWalk5007]

I think I need one. I’m going a bit loopy.
Comfort eating has brought me discomfort. My clothes, when I get changed into them from my ‘loungewear’ feel rather tight.
All the doom and gloom all over the internet has made me feel gloomy.

I want to feel well again.
What do I need to do? I think I could do with more yoga and soup in my life. I can start off with that. That sounds like it belongs in a ‘wellness journey’
What else can I do?

Sometimes we need to find a routine to keep our momentum going @EastofEdna! 'Mixing it up' doesn't always work for me, whereas thinking "right, every day I need to do abc and not do xyz" is sometimes easier. Just frees up mindspace for me to do something else! Although sadly the job hunting is not very productive at the moment

Plodding along here, making my 10K steps and usually doing a short workout as well. I'm not always sticking to a 'diet' but have cut out a lot of the delicious but unnecessary calories that I was having regularly. It took a lot of willpower not to treat myself to a Costa today though, I was near a shop for the first time in a long time and very tempted!

Well done on resisting the temptation @ClaraTheImpossibleGirl

I am very tired today - been awake since 4, gave up at 6 and got up and if I was near a Costa I would definitely crack! Long walk yesterday with the niece - the park was massively busy.

Am awaiting a friend for a doorstep visit and then may get out for another walk.

Waves hello to everyone.

It's really busy everywhere child-friendly outside here @EastofEdna, and will only get worse with half term I need to think of things to keep my DC busy, they're still at the age where park trips are a twice daily necessity!

Very sunny here today have a little bit of time now - I will get down on my yoga mat and do my meditation in the sunny spot, which will segue into yoga quite nicely.

I am waiting for a message back to see whether the yoga studio round the corner is re-opening any time soon. I really hope so.

I had a call today with colleagues who had had to go back to our base office to pick up stuff before it closes down completely; that was a bit of excitement for the day - very nostalgic.

Any news on your yoga studio @EastofEdna? All the DC's outdoor activities start back soon - as does swimming, come to think of it - but gymnastics not till May DS1 loves gymnastics, and his teacher did offer private outdoor lessons to his class, but it just added up to be £££ when I'm now paying for summer term lessons for all the activities for two DC!

Took the DC for a bike ride this morning, the weather was still chilly enough to need layers. This afternoon though was boiling

Hope @MischiefManager is enjoying the sunshine too!

The yoga studio emailed back and said no plans to re-open classes. I don't know how that studio has survived lockdown - it's main business is dance classes for children and it is quite small. There are plenty of studios around, this was just very convenient.

I have however enquired about some open water swimming - I will need to build myself up for that one though but I do like a swim. Maybe once the gyms open in April will get practising.

The one thing I have realised since we started this thread is that I needed a gateway activity. The things on my list for 'wellness' have always been there have, I have just never really got into a proper rhythm of doing them but meditation seems to be that activity. If I meditate early in the day, everything else then happens. Am just waiting for the sun to hit the mat this morning at the right time! It does help that I have picked the right meditation pack to do. (Headspace)

Right, meetings call!

Waves to everyone.

I'm letting things slip again and things are getting on top of me a bit. Really need to work hard at prioritising me. I know it benefits everyone but it just doesn't come naturally yet.

Can I please join this thread?

I feel in such a slump at the moment and have put on a stone. Summer 2020 I was exercising 3/4x a week, hitting 15k steps, looking after myself with sleep, and did a vision board. I was happy, positive and focused.

I'm now completely burnt out with work, I got married end of last year and my husband and his son (7) (40/60) moved in. My dc are teens and spend a lot of time doing their own thing and my whole life has changed. I love my husband but I don't have enough time to myself to make myself exercise and he's a chocoholic who brings me treats every day.

I have two weeks off from work, I'm determined to get back to being active and happy again. DH is going to do a vision board with me, he wants to start going for bike rides with me on nice evenings, I want to start getting up early and exercising like I did before and think if I get into the routine before going back to work it will help.

My goals are: 10k steps a day, weight exercising 3x per week, continuing our no alcohol and veggie diet, no eating his chocolate, reframing my miserable ness. I'm not sure what else I can do to make myself happy again.

@Shinesun14 - I’ve been married twice. Both times I fell into a slump immediately afterwards. I ended up looking into it, and it’s a Thing. A woman had a whole blog about it with research and women’s experiences. Not everyone gets it. The ones who do seem to be the ones who take on the biggest changes to their living situation.

The reason seems to be a big lifestyle shift, stopping doing your own self-care, eating differently, not seeing friends and family as often, and just kind of squashing your own interests and passions down. The blog seemed to suggest the way to be happy after marriage is to essentially keep living your pre-married lifestyle.

So your plan sounds really good.

@ThatOtherPoster that's really interesting! I'll look into it now. I don't know how I will manage to emulate my previous life, its even things like cooking most days. Dh pulls his weight and we cook together most nights - previously I'd only cook twice a week max making things like a veggie curry/chilli and we'd eat that for a few days after or posh ready meals now it's cooking food every night, the washing seems to have doubled, there's muddles everywhere. Previously on Saturdays I'd get up early, work out, clean the house from top to bottom, make sure uniforms and work clothes were sorted for the week ahead and have a lovely weekend with dates with dh and seeing friends or doing things with my dc. It's like groundhog day now and I'm not taking enough time for myself.

@Shinesun14 — I remember my lovely sungle-mum weekends too. Gym, dates, friends, shopping... Bliss.

Would your DH cook alone while you did something else? Could he take his DC out on Saturday while you did your own thing?

@ThatOtherPoster - yes bliss!

He would, but he really likes us cooking together and would feel disappointed if I didn't at least sit in the kitchen and chat to him whilst he cooked.

I would love him to take dss out more. He's done it a couple of times but moaned like anything about me reminding him to get up on the Saturday morning and felt I pushed him out the house and says that if I want space I should also get up and take my dc out for him to have space too. Technically he's not wrong - but my dc aren't 7 and I don't crave space doing things outside by myself, I crave Saturday mornings by myself.

I will remind him about taking his dss out for one to one time - and frame it that his dss needs it rather than me! Not sure what to do when its our dc free weekend!

@Shinesun14

He would, but he really likes us cooking together and would feel disappointed if I didn't at least sit in the kitchen and chat to him whilst he cooked.

My second (current) husband was like this at the start, but he soon learned to love his own space when I began offering helpful tips like, "Are you timing this?" 😄

He's done it a couple of times but moaned like anything about me reminding him to get up on the Saturday morning

This isn't great of him. It sounds like he's either a bit lazy (to which I can relate) or he didn't really want to do it.

and felt I pushed him out the house

Sorry but 🙄

and says that if I want space I should also get up and take my dc out for him to have space too.

I'm really torn on this. My first husband was relentless at the "If I have to do this, then you have to do that" business and it got really, really annoying. Sometimes I'd watch him scrabble around for some random favour to ask me because I'd asked him to do something. It just seemed so petty. But your DH is allowed to enjoy some peace and space alone in his home... Maybe that'd be fun, if you set a regular date to take your teens out for waffles or pancakes or shopping or something EOW, after things reopen? Just you and them? (Although good luck getting them out of their rooms, if they're anything like mine.)

Technically he's not wrong - but my dc aren't 7 and I don't crave space doing things outside by myself, I crave Saturday mornings by myself.

I relate.

I will remind him about taking his dss out for one to one time - and frame it that his dss needs it rather than me!

Not sure what to do when its our dc free weekend!

I'd just get up early and get to it. I get up early on weekends, just to have some time to exist in silence. I also got a part-time job where I work EO Saturday, to give me some fun, social interaction (I WFH most of the time) and him some time without me there to "help" his cooking.

@ThatOtherPoster I like the kitchen tips!

I also like the pancake/waffle idea - I can bribe mine out with food successfully 9/10.

I actually do get up early and sit in the living room already to get space. Dh finds me around 9ish and gets a bit sad that I leave him bed sleeping. I suppose I need to communicate a bit better about how space makes me happy and that I want to be around him more when I've had my own space and it's not personal.

Have you got a link to the blog please? I've googled it but can't find it. I think how you've set it up for yourself with eow work, kitchen tips and getting up early is my way forward too, thank you

Dh finds me around 9ish and gets a bit sad that I leave him bed sleeping

Your DH is clearly an emotional man! But he must see that it'd be selfish of him to expect you to keep him company WHILE HE IS ASLEEP. You're not being unreasonable to get up before he does. Honestly, I'd not give complaints like those any air time whatsoever. Just look delighted to see him and ask if he wants a cup of tea.

I can't find that blog now! It was years ago. I found it by searching up "post marital depression" I think, but no logs are coming up. There are loads of articles about it, though, which might help.

One thing I learned from "The Rules for Marriage" a good book written by the authors of The Rules, but only focussing on being/staying married was not to rearrange your entire life on the whims of your DH.

They give examples like, "Susan used to love her regular Wednesday nights out with her friends. But after her marriage to Chad, he started hinting that he'd like her to stay at home with him because he missed her when she went out. Susan cancelled her Wednesday nights, and Chad seemed happy for a while. After a while though, Chad didn't want to do anything in the evenings, and Susan began feeling resentful that she wasn't seeing her friends. Eventually Susan restarted her Wednesday nights, and Chad didn't mind, in fact he barely looked up from his Screwfix catalogue."

It's actually really reassuring.

Massive caveat: I've been divorced, so please take any marriage advice from me with the biggest pinch of salt in the world!

@ThatOtherPoster if I can use your tips to ring fence space, alongside exercising and being more positive then I'll be very happy with your advice thanks.

I also know I'm 100% reasonable to get up without him. I will use that alone time to exercise and get on with what I want to get on with until he's up. Good point about not cancelling friends and activities I want to do. I will prioritise speaking and now seeing them a bit more.

I will use that alone time to exercise and get on with what I want to get on with until he's up.

This is a great idea. Goodbye resentment, hello thighs of steel.

I need to do more of this. Over lockdown I’ve slumped and find myself glowering at DH for not being the world’s most interesting companion. But it’s not his fault at all - he’s out at work all day, and just wants to flop when he’s back. However I’m like a puppy who’s been locked indoors all day.

One weird random thing that inspires me to do my own thing more, is watching TikTok! I discovered it last year, and it somehow knows me inside out. I don’t make videos (sod that) but I watch them and they’re about all my interests: vision boards, psychology, beauty, hair, self care, books, music... Watching that sort of reconnects me with my passions and gets me up and off the sofa. Plus some of them make me laugh out loud.

Thanks for posting - you’ve inspired me to shake myself up too.

@ThatOtherPoster I love TikTok too! I didnt know they had vision board videos.

Are you WFH whilst he's out? I'm also WFH whilst DH is out and about working. I hate it! Its miserable and lonely. The summer will help, we've just got to hold on until then.

@Shinesun14 - I work part-time in a fun, quirky shop (when not locked down). The rest of the time I’m technically a freelancer, but I’ve been really slack lately. Another reason to get up and do more!

I had a thought about your DH and his couples cookery... I’m trying out Gousto this week, and the recipes are lush but a bit fiddly. I bet he’d need to do those by himself as it’d be hard to concentrate on the (quite complicated) step by step instructions with you lounging decorously on the worktop with your Sauvignon. Maybe buy him a box? I’ve got a code that gives you 50% off the first week. So you’d get 4 meals - aka, four peaceful evenings 😆 - for £23. Use this code: cook.gousto.co.uk/raf/?promo_code=KATE42358553&utm_source=weblink fingers crossed 😆

Maybe try this: www. cook.gousto.co.uk/raf/?promo_code=KATE42358553&utm_source=weblink

Argh — click here lol

Thanks @ThatOtherPoster we've done hello fresh a few times but usually cook it together! Have just ordered a Gusto to see if its nicer then Hellofresh!

I've got a £20 off voucher for hello fresh if you'd like it?

That would be amazing - thank you! I’ve never tried that one. I tried Gousto because a thread on here somewhere mentioned that they prepare the veg for you. Turns out they don’t. 😆

@Shinesun14 it sounds a bit like you and your DH are at different times of life? Your DC are teens and a lot less needy than they used to be, you've got used to having your own space and time and really enjoying it; his DS is still young and (presumably) needs an adult with him most/ all of the time, so your DH is accustomed to that. I was a bit about him being hurt when you left him sleeping alone though - I mean he's a grown up, he knows you don't have to be with him every minute, right?!

I think I have tried all the recipe boxes when we had special offers for them I kept the recipes but some of them were quite fiddly and took me a lot bit longer than their promised prep time. That said I quite enjoyed them for something different, although I wouldn't pay full price.

It's been a tricky week here with school holidays, awful AF and (of course) too much chocolate!! DP is back to work Tuesday and the DC have a sports camp, I can't wait just craving a bit of time on my own!

Hope you are well @EastofEdna @MischiefManager

I just found this thread I like it ! I need more self care - lockdown 1 lost 1 stone running yoga felt amazing although I lost 3 businesses. Since then I got back with an ex he moved him and I have the post marital slump although we’re not married I feel so low can’t be bothered with anything - nothing brings me joy. I had to take a job a miracle I got one but I’m working at home you wd think I’d be exercising eating better but no it’s all too much effort. I need a well ness journey